Diaries of an Angry Fangirl

☞ the time I faked having a boyfriend

(I didn't edit this because the story still haunts me so I actually couldn't bring myself to read over it, lolol. read at your own risk.)

So, I'm about to tell y'all a story that, to this day, no one knows I lied about. Warning, this is going to be the cringiest thing you've ever read and you'll probably shun me afterwards. But I simply cannot keep going on in life without telling people who don't know me personally and therefore can't judge me. (Or you can, but I won't really care tbh. I judge myself.)

Basically, to start, in middle school I was a lonely ass little nugget, okay. Just keep that in mind throughout this.

Everyone was starting to get into relationships in middle school (when I was, anyways, nowadays you got kindergartners getting engaged and shit--I say that like I'm hella old but it was like five-six years ago since I was in middle school lol), except for my little shy, antisocial self. Doesn't mean I didn't want a relationship, though. My first real crush was in seventh grade, and this entire story revolves around this poor fellow.

Just in case someone I know does see this, I don't want no one snitching... so we'll call him Cheetos. For no other reason than the fact that I'm eating Cheetos right now. (I swear I didn't intend for that to sound dirty.)

ANYWAYS.

Cheetos was hella cute, in my opinion. He was a year older than me, so he was in eighth grade when I was in seventh and he was on the football team and everything. Sweet as hell, too, like super nice to everyone. He was in my PE class and legit... it was a blessing. I've never considered PE as something beautiful, but you know how guys get sweaty and they fan themselves with the hem of their shirt... MY 12 YEAR OLD SELF WAS LIVING, OKAY.

I sound like a creep. Oh whale.

Needless to say, I never fucking talked to him. I'm that type of person where if you don't talk to me, we'll never speak. All of my friends have initiated conversation, which is why everyone in school always knows me, but never considers me a "friend," you know what I mean? Like I have random people telling me all this crazy shit that's happened in their life because we were forced to sit next to each other in class one time and then we never talk again. But they still know me. Does that make sense? I don't know, but it's not the point anyways.

The most I ever interacted with him was once, I brought brownies to school because it was Teacher Appreciation Week or something, but I brought enough for the whole gym class. He told me they were really good and I practically fainted, but he had a girlfriend so... I always dreamed that was his way of confessing his love for me and wanting me to get him out of his relationship, but ya know, that never happened.

At the end of my seventh grade year, my best friend knew about my crush on him (tbh all my friends knew like I stared not-so-discretely, apparently). She was like "omg you have to get him to sign your yearbook!" and I was like "yeah, totally! but who's gonna ask." I for damn sure wasn't about to walk up to this boy who's only ever said four words to me and probably didn't know my name.

My best friend was outgoing, so she was like, "I'll do it for you, but you have to come with me." I was like fuck, that's awkward, but I didn't say fuck because I was an innocent bean who asked her mom if she was allowed to say "crap," ya feel? But we made the plan, and I had PE first period, so right when the bell rang, we went to stand in front of the gym and...

Y'all, I saw this man coming and I BOLTED.

For real, I've never ran voluntarily in my entire life, but he was with his friend and I was like nah, NOT TODAY, SATAN.

My friend being the incredible person that she was stayed, but she was laughing at me and I legit felt like I was on fire. I hid behind the corner of the breezeway leading to the gym, like I was not being a part of it.