Take Flight - Josie's journey #Wattys2017

Chapter 10: Break free

Stunned I looked at my phone. My hands were shaking, I could barely hold the phone. In a hasty movement, I dropped it back on the table, as if I was holding a hot baking tray without gloves. Completely in shock, I let myself fall onto the floor and buried my face in my hands. 

Why would he do this to me?

It's been six weeks since he'd called it quits. Six weeks in which he wasn't once bothered to call or text me. And now, that I finally felt a little bit better, he had to send me this stupid message. 

I wonder what he wrote...

NO!!!

I was boiling with anger, my hands clenching into fists. How did he dare to do this? Thick waves of anger and heat washed through me as I furiously gritted my teeth. My jawline hurt but I didn't care, all-consuming was the raging storm of anger inside of me. My vision was blurry as I stared at the phone that was innocently waiting for me on the table. Mentally cursing the hell out of the egoistic pig, I stood up again and started pacing up and down. Overwhelmed with all the rage inside of me, I cried out in frustration. It helped a little to blow off steam, so I climbed up the stairs and let myself fall into bed.

Angrily I grabbed the pillow and buried my head in it. Then I screamed. I don't know how long I screamed for and I didn't care if the neighbours could hear the muffled sound, but I once I'd started I couldn't stop.

I screamed out all the anger that had built up inside of me. Maybe it was pathetic but I couldn't care less. Instead, I wished Dom the worst things possible: pimples on his butt, a nagging itch right between his shoulder blades, where he couldn't reach it and a week of diarrhoea and painful cramps. I even wished for a couple of toads in his garden. Dominic hated toads, they freaked him out. 

Eventually, the anger had left my body and all that was left was numbness and a hollow sensation. There weren't any bad things to wish for left. Instead, I started wondering why he'd decided to reach out. Why couldn't he have done that before I left? Why couldn't he try to talk to me, when I was sitting at home and crying had been my only pastime? I'm sure Hannah had talked to Marc about my miserable state and that he'd informed Dom about it. Why didn't he care about me then? Why now, when I'd made the decision to leave him behind and trying to get over him?

My day had been exhilarating, for the first time I was too busy to think about him. I was so happy in the Forum, looking at all these ancient buildings. Most of all, I'd met some really great people that I might become friends with. Finally, something exciting was happening in my life, something that succeeded in distracting me from him. For the first time in six weeks, my thoughts weren't revolving around him and it'd seemed like a life without him was manageable. So why did it have to be now? From all the times he could have reached out, why today?

By now, the well-known feeling of melancholy had returned and tears were burning in my eyes. As they made their way down my cheeks, a heavy haze of sadness surrounded me and soon enough I found myself on the floor again. My cheeks were pressed against the cold, stony floor as I uncontrollably sobbed in desperation. I felt pathetic and pitiful but didn't find the strength to pull myself together. So I simply lay there, naked and curled up in the foetus position and pitied myself. 

Pitied myself once again for the man I'd lost. Mourned the future I'd planned, the beautiful two bedroom apartment, I'd picked out for our future together, the folder under my bed where I'd collected snippets of furniture catalogues. Cried for the poor dog we wanted to adopt from a shelter and offer a happy life. I had it all planned out for us, every single detail was arranged for our life together. 

How could he throw it away so easily? 

Maybe he didn't. Maybe Marc had told him that I'd left home and he'd realised that he couldn't live without me. Maybe he wanted me to come back.