Redemption

14

The rest of the week was utterly miserable.

Everything was back to normal. By normal, I mean, he threatened me into silence, kept me from meals, insulted me in front of his students, and constantly set me as an example. It was irritating. It was as though he was angry with me for having been with him in a moment of emotional crisis.

It wasn't my bloody fault he said the things he did. However he felt was his own damn fault. He had no one to blame but himself. I put up with his nonsense for a few days, allowing him time to recover and get back to himself, before I finally snapped like an elastic that'd been stretched too far.

It was after his last class, he'd made a mockery of me in front of his students, asking me to come up to the front of the class and have me trip over something, landing quite unceremoniously on my behind. So much for not letting me fall. Total arse, he was.

And so I told him. "Enough! I've had enough of this!" I shouted, trying to get his attention. "You can't treat me like this because you called on me during a time of great stress. It isn't my problem if you have issues opening up to people. With all due respect, sir, you're being ridiculous."

He stood from his desk quickly and closed the distance between us with a few steps. His eyes held the most dangerous look I'd ever seen in them. For the first time in months, I was terrified of the Potions' Master. He kept walking, forcing me to back up, until I met the wall. He stood a breath away, imposing all his dark glory over me. I mentally berated myself for my outburst.

He arched an eyebrow and forcefully stared down into my eyes. His were so dark, I thought I'd never see the light of day again. They seemed to swallow up everything happy. "You brought this upon yourself, Granger. You had the choice to finish things here and leave."

I felt my mouth drop open at his words. "Have you gone mad?" I shrieked. "I stayed because you asked me to! Do you know how heartbreaking it was to see you in such a state? You asked me not to leave you."

Snape clenched his jaw. "You try my patience, witch."

I shook my head slowly. "What are you afraid of?"

My question seemed to have caught him off-guard. He hesitated a moment, as though truly considering the notion. "How dar-"

I cut him off. If he wasn't going to answer me straight, I'd needle it out of him. "What is it about opening up to people that scares you so much? Do you truly want to be feared your entire life?" I took a stabilising breath before continuing. I wouldn't cry. Not this time. "Don't you want to know love and friendship?"

He snarled. "You seem to forget, Miss Granger, that I was married. With children."

I could almost laugh. "You were married. You left her." He flinched at my words, I knew he didn't want to be reminded, but I needed to get my point across. "As for your daughters... Do you even know what Waverly's favourite colour is?"

I waited for an answer. When it was clear I wasn't going to receive one, I really did laugh. It was cold and cruel, and I did not like the sound of it coming from my lips. Not at all. "It's brown." I swallowed thickly. "It's dark brown. She used to be comforted by her father's kind and caring eyes when she was younger. She tells everyone it's blue, because she's ashamed that she doesn't know a goddamn thing about you except for the fact that you're a snarky, mean bastard."

He seemed to fight for the right words. He took a step back, letting out a frustrated sigh. "Why do you care?" He raked a hand through his hair.

I wrapped my arms around myself. "Believe it or not, not all of us think you're incorrigible." I stepped away, grabbing my cloak, preparing myself to leave. "I thought I'd found something in you. Something brilliant. It seems I may have been wrong." I felt tears threatening to spill, but I refused to let them. I would not cry. Not in front of him. I wouldn't give him that satisfaction.

I turned to step out, when his voice stopped me. "Where are you going?"

I turned back to face him and gave him a sad smile. "I'm going for a walk. Outside."

He roled his eyes and came towards me again. "I haven't excused you yet." I shrugged. "Besides, it's snowing heavily. You'll catch cold if you don't dress properly."

I shut my eyes for a fraction of a second and exhaled. I met his eyes again. I saw sadness there. He had understood my message. However unwanted or difficult it was to hear, he'd listened. "That's too bad, isn't it?" I pulled on my cloak, tying it around my throat, and pulling up the hood. "Good afternoon, sir."

The moment I stepped through the grand oak doors at the front of the castle, the waterworks started. My tears came in waterfalls down my face. Honestly, it was a torrential downpour. I couldn't believe how much liquid my body could expel through my eyes. The cold wind stung my face, where my tears had touched the skin. I cursed myself for not having listened to him and leaving my winter cloak in my rooms.

"I hate it when he's right!" I screamed into the white flurry that was the snowstorm. In that moment, I hated the world over. I deserved to be happy! The man thinks he can walk all over me, say nice things and get away with it.

It frustrated me more because I knew I was letting him.

Damn. He was right once again. I really did bring this onto myself. Gods, I was pathetic.

I pulled my cloak tighter around me, trying to block out the falling flakes. I sank to my knees, falling into the snow. The biting cold was a distraction from the pain in my head and heart. Maybe if I just stayed there a few minutes, I'd feel better. Maybe if I just closed my eyes a moment...