All or Nothing (Faberry)

3. Express yourself

Rachel's POV

"Pregnant?" Quinn laughed "Are you crazy?!" she said and sat down by the kitchen table.

"I don't know, I thoug-..."

"I'm not pregnant, Rachel" Quinn interrupted "If I was, you would know by now"

Quinn looked at me with her hazel eyes and they kept staring at me as if I was doing something wrong, her eyebrows furrowed and she leaned her head on her hands as if it weighed 100 lbs. It was pretty obvious Quinn didn't feel so good. I could sense it without her telling me or even saying anything about it.

"My trip here wasn't spontaneous" she admitted 

"What do you mean?" 

"Just let me finish, and listen" Quinn said and let out what sounded like a really heavy sigh "For years, I have been trying to push feelings away and pretend I'm okay all the time" 

I just looked at Quinn and waited for her to keep going, it seemed like it was very hard for her to speak about this. I sat down on the chair next to her without saying a word, for once I would let her talk and not cut her off. 

"I remember the first time we met, I despised you. I hated everyone who was happy, just because I wasn't. I was unhappy with myself, my life and everything around me" she took another, long and deep breath "I felt like my life would come crashing down everytime I saw people laughing, I knew I had to fake a laugh and pretend I liked being around them" 

I could feel my eyebrows starting to crease in the middle as she took a long pause. I have no idea what she was trying to tell me here. Does she want me to know she hates me? Is that why she came all the way to New York. I didn't understand and as much as I wanted to figure out what she was trying to say, I didn't ask a single question.

"I think.. or I know, I'm not a good person" she added and exhaled. 

"Quinn, you're not a bad person.. You just have many unresolved issues" I placed my hand on her shoulder and waited for her to look at me. She did directly and I continued "A bad person would not admit that she was wrong, a bad person would deny it when people tried to tell them. But you, you admit you've made bad choices in your life"

Quinn just looked at me and laughed. I think about the part that I said 'you admit you've made bad choices in your life' but she has, we all have. She deserves the truth.

"You don't understand" she said and grabbed my hand "I enjoy hurting people" 

"So you say, hurting me, it would make you happy?" 

Quinn took her time before answering my question. She looked at me and squinted with her eyes. 

"Have you forgotten who made your high school life a living hell repeatedly?" she said and eagerly stared into my eyes. 

"I know but you didn't mean any of it, I believe that. We were children" I said and hoped she would agree with me.

"Open your eyes, Rachel. Stop being so damn blind, this isn't a joke" she said and pushed my hand of her shoulder.

"Is this what you wanted to tell me? Nothing else?" I asked.

I looked into Quinn's eyes and out of nowhere I could see them get watery, faster than I thought she threw herself in my arms and cried, she cried like a lost child.  

****

I carefully stepped out of the shower, I didn't want to slip and break something. I took the towel I had hung on the hook earlier and ruffled my hair dry with it and rolled it around me. I opened the bathroom door to get to my room so I could get dressed, I carefully pushed the doorknob down and found Quinn sitting on the bed. She didn't look up at me. She was sitting there in her navyblue blouse and light skinny jeans, her blonde hair perfectly fallen on her shoulders with her eyes glued on the bedroom floor. 

"Quinn?" 

She looked up at me and let out a smile. 

"Sorry, I didn't see you" she said and stood up "I'll wait out there"

She went out and I started getting dressed, I combed my half-wet hair and took the blowdryer out of the top drawer by my mirror and started drying my hair, after that I took out the outfit of today. A green leather zip skirt with a printed tee and a long cardigan.

****

"You have to taste this pie, Quinn" I said and put a piece on my fork and gave it to her.

She looked at it first as if she was grossed but gave in seconds after.

"This is amazing" she said and gave out the biggest smile I've seen her let out since she got here. 

"This place has great pies and other pastries, me and Kurt used to come here all the time when we first moved to New York" 

"Sounds like fun" she said with a jeering tone.

I didn't comment it.
I wanted to bring up what we talked about earlier today because I know there's something else she isn't telling me, I just know it. That emotional breakdown wasn't because she thinks she has some kind of mental illness. But I was afraid I would make her snap or something. 

"I got a broadway call back again. I couldn't be happier.. It's for the new version of Funny Girl, I'm taking baby steps into becoming the new Barbra" I said and laughed. No one could ever replace Barbra.

"Baby steps" Quinn said and laughed "Good one" 

I looked at her, relieved that she laughed with me and not just sat there all quiet, like she did most of the time now. 

"Do you want to know a secret?" she said after a long moment of silence which I tried to fill by talking about my personal life but Quinn couldn't care less about that. 

"Sure" I said and smiled at her. 

"I've always had a soft spot for you, Berry"