Amnesia

C18: Him

When I got home I threw my keys on the table next to the door, and shrugged off my jacket. Steve wasn't in the kitchen anymore, but there was a plate on the counter with a note that said:

"Here's the bacon you were so ever intently staring at earlier..."

I picked it up and smiled.

What a punk.

"Steve?" I called out, worried he had left.

"In here..." I heard a muffle come from in his room.

I walked over to his doorway quietly and stood against the doorframe, not making any noise as I watched him from inside.

He was walking around in his bathroom with a pair of black shorts on and his wet hair drooping down on his face. He didn't have a shirt on which was making this ever so harder for me to focus on my original task.

"Hey Buck. How was your run?" He asked looking at me from the mirror.

"Oh um... much needed... I guess." I mumbled shifting my feet.

"How so?"

"Just gave me time to think."

"What were you thinking about?" He walked out of the bathroom and sat on the bed with a white towel in his hand.

He brushed it through his hair and God did he look good doing it.

This was not part of the plan.

"Have you ever... been in love with someone?" I asked, honestly because I just wanted to know.

He looked at the floor, and then back up at me.

"Yes." He sighed.

"What did it feel like?"

He smiled then. His eyes scanned around the room, as if searching for memories, but then they landed back on me.

"It feels like... like falling into a void. But then they fall in after you, and together it's no longer empty. You love them for who they are, good and bad, because you've seen the good and you've seen the bad, and you still stay anyways... because you love them. And nothing ever changes that... and when you lose them, it's like that void coming back again, and nothing can ever fill it." He spoke softly, like he meant every word.

"Did the void ever get filled again?"

"A few have tried... never come close."

"Oh. I'm sorry... It must've been hard seeing her go." I whispered.

"Who?"

"Peggy."

He smiled and shook his head, looking down at his bed.

"It wasn't her, Bucky."

"Oh... well sorry for whoever you lost." I mumbled, not knowing who else it could've been.

He started mumbling something under his breath, but I stopped him.

"Steve?"

He looked up at me.

My heart was racing as he tipped his head over like a little cat, watching me with a gentle glance.

"I think I'm in love..."

I felt like crying. Why did I feel this way? All my nerves were being pushed, and everything that's ever happened to me past and present felt like a breeze compared to this.

You're fine Bucky. What's the worst that could happen?

Just say it.

I could hear my heartbeat in my head, and all the blood in my body rushing to my face.