Hercules and the Modern Girl

Episode 3: Big Kiss

Episode 3: Big Kiss - Part 1

It's been ten days since she was transported in the movie/tv series. It's been a week since the Apollo Incident. Internship Week was over, so she must face high school and Herodotus again. The early morning routine was repetitive - water bucket, dry clothes, hair, teeth, makeup, and double-checking homework.

All she had to do was wait by the River Styx for Hades to teleport her to class. Unfortunately, Hades was nowhere to be found. He made it very clear that 'punctuality' was a must. However, he was a total hypocrite on Monday's takeover-the-cosmos meeting. He was fashionably fifteen minutes late. How professional was that?

She decided to ditch the River Styx to check on him, spare a few minutes to give him a piece of her mind. She checked the throne room, his bedroom (knocked first, knowing she wasn't supposed to be there), and then the kitchen.

Nattie was surprised to see the imps and Hades cooking. Out of all her time here in the Underworld, she had never seen Hades do manual labor. Usually, he would whip out food with the wave of his hand.

"Hades?"

He and the imps noticed the frustrated yet confused modern girl present.

"Nattie, Babe!" Hades teleported from the crockpot next to Nattie, looping his arm around her shoulder, no longer wearing the apron with the words: Kill the Cook. "You can't stay away, can you?"

She glared at him, pouting her lips. "Hades, if I had known you were going to ditch me to do...," she paused to observe the scene, "whatever it is you're doing, I would have stayed far-far away sooner."

"What I'm doing," he gestured to himself, "babe, is far-far more important than whatever it is you do during the day."

"I have school! What are you talking about?!" she cried. Her eyes wide, completely exasperated by his statement. Hades claimed to have a law degree. His voice actor was supposed to have a high IQ. Surely, both men would appreciate an education. "You were supposed to teleport me to school! How could burning a turkey," she gestured the crockpot again in disgust, "be far-far-"

"Ooh, glad you said something," Hades addressed the boiling water, stirring the pot and then lifting the ladle. It turned out that Hades was frying a couple of sticks. Nattie didn't know exactly what it was until she spotted a plate full of finger sandwiches - literally, human fingers fried inside each sliced rectangular bread. She covered her nose and mouth, holding back the puke. She thought she had smelt something funky on the way here.

He sniffed the latest batch and pleasantly hummed at the smell before he snapped a bite, not bothering to let it cool. He offered Nattie a finger between bites, knowing she wouldn't take it.

"Are you even human?!" she cried, slapping his hand away from her face.

"No," Hades corrected. Without looking away from Nattie, he slapped Panic's hand for trying to sample a sandwich for himself. "Technically, I'm a god. Duh! How many times must we go over this?"

"I get it. You're a cannibal who lives forever," she offered a thumbs up while making a Stinky Pete face. "Got it."

"These aren't for me. I invited some lovely guests over for some tarantula tea and brain biscuits."

Nattie tensed at seeing the teapot resembling Mrs. Potts from Beauty and the Beast. The lid shifted like something inside the pot was trying to get out. Hades's hand prevented the spider's great escape.

"And who will be dumb enough to accept your invitation?" she crinkled her nose, fanning the stench of deceased body parts. This should be illegal.