The Stacks

Chapter 34: Hole Hearted

Song: "Hole Hearted" by Extreme

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December 27 found Harry and me at his house, getting it into "show" condition, meaning packing , cleaning, storing, sorting, purging. What would normally be menial labor was still enjoyable just because I was with Harry.

We hadn't been together very long, and it was precisely for that reason that I enjoyed spending time with him. Despite the short span of our relationship, we shared something early on, something inexplicable that just drew us together. We had both tried to explain it to each other and never came up with the right words, but deep inside each of us, we both knew we were supposed to be together. We used words like chemistry and fate and destiny but none of them completely defined what we knew to be true. Even in the earliest days when I was intimidated by the memory of his late wife, something in the very center of my being told me he was "the one."

Eventually, we discussed this concept of "the one," and it seemed a little weird because although Harry had already found "the one" for him, she was now gone. And I realized that I'd been selfish (and pretty silly, to be honest) to sulk about the fact that I wasn't his first love. The reality was that most people didn't marry their first love; Harry and Cathryn were one of very few couples who could say that.

I was growing to understand that Harry loved me deeply and that he wasn't emotionally crippled by losing his first wife to such an extent that he couldn't love me the way he loved her. The truth was that he loved me in a much different way, but he still loved me enough to know he wanted me for the rest of his life. And I knew the same about him. Cathryn had her space in his heart, a space where her memory would always live, and I had no business trying to move into that space. The space in his heart for me was different and just as honored, and it would eventually grow and change as we grew and changed together.

All of these realizations from the past four months made my brain hurt sometimes, but it made my heart exceptionally full.

"When do you want to bring these to the library?" I asked Harry of the gorgeous set of children's books he was planning to donate.

"If you'd like, you can start boxing them up." He pointed to the massive pile of boxes we had collected from various stores and warehouses after their shipments had come in.

I chose several smallish boxes since it would do no good to load a huge box full of heavy books. I set to work, admiring the glossy covers and their strong, solid spines. I decided I would get some bookplates made to place inside of them, as a surprise for Harry.

The unfortunate bit of working together at Harry's house was when the Metlers arrived to go through Cathryn's things. I had vaguely remembered him telling her to come by the house, but I was in no way prepared to see them again. I heard the knock and Mrs. Metler's voice so I scrambled to stand up off the floor in front of the bookcase. Lord knows, I didn't need to be on the ground as they stood above me.

I gulped anxiously as they entered the living room. Mrs. Metler gave a slight nod towards me, simply greeting me with an faint utterance of my name. Mr. Metler nodded, not saying anything. That was better than what had happened last time. I could decide to peacefully co-exist if they could. In other words, if they ignored me completely, I'd be happy.

Sadly, Mrs. Metler couldn't seem to stay away. Harry and Mr. Metler had gone upstairs, at Harry's request, to move a large armoire that Harry was returning to them. It had been in the Metler family for three generations and Harry didn't see any reason to keep it. With them out of sight, she saw fit to launch an attack.

"What exactly are you doing with all those books?" Her words were vicious, as if I stealing diamonds from her personal stash.

I stood up again, not letting her make me feel small. "Harry is going to donate them to Woodward County Library in Cathryn's memory. We have a beautiful children's-"