The Stacks

Chapter 39: The Truth Comes Out

Song: "Not Today" by Imagine Dragons

* * * * *

My relief at telling Harry all about the dreams was immense. It had been good to bring them to light and have him talk me through them. Of course they had only been dreams! I had to admit, though, that I was slightly disappointed because part of me had hoped Cathryn was really communicating with me, telling Harry how to tie up loose ends and somehow sending her blessing for us to be together. In the end, I realized that it was enough for me to hear Harry tell me that she would have approved. 

Still, I carried some level of uneasiness, maybe not even on a conscious level, but I occasionally experienced that flash of anxiety and nausea that I'd felt when I saw Harry's box with the lotus flower on it. Some tiny part of me remained unsettled, feeling that I still didn't know the whole story. Harry had even offered to let me look inside the box, thinking that was the reason I dreamt about it. I wanted to be okay with not seeing what was inside because it was between him and Cathryn. I had to allow him to have some things that were still between just the two of them; it wasn't my place to nose into everything they ever shared.

Of course, my apprehension could also have been explained by the fact that Harry's parents would be arriving in just over a week's time. Although they seemed wonderful over Skype, it was a totally different scenario to meet them in person and to have them meet me as Harry's new love interest. As much as I told myself not to worry about it, I was still concerned about living up to their expectations for their son. Last time they'd been with him, he was weak and fragile. I'm sure they knew his inner strength, but I worried that they might not think I was "enough" for him. I didn't think any of this had to do with Harry's past; it was likely a common concern for anyone meeting the parents of their significant other.

They had decided to stay with us after all, once Harry convinced them that there was plenty of space. Even though they they also assured us that they would get groceries and cook for us while they were here, hoping not to be too much of an imposition, I was mildly regretting my offer since having them in such close quarters would only add to the pressure. It would be another defining moment in our relationship and I continually hoped and prayed that it would go well.

On Wednesday, I'd forgotten to pack my lunch for work. Sometimes there were snacks in the break room that different people brought in, but such was not the case today. Sometimes, too, I could just power through until dinner time, but today I was stupidly hungry, so I decided to go home and grab something quick, one of the great advantages of living so close to work.

I looked forward to the little bit of quiet for my brief lunch time. I loved Harry and didn't regret my decision to ask him to move in, but my introvert nature still craved solitude from time to time. 

When I got home though, I was surprised that Harry was there, sitting on the living room sofa. I was even more surprised that he didn't acknowledge me coming into the room. He was slumped over as if he was closely examining something, but I couldn't see exactly what he was doing. As I moved closer, I noticed an almost-empty bottle of red wine and the box with the lotus flower on it. It was clearly open, but not enough for me to view the contents. "Harry?" I said gently, not wanting to startle him.

At the sound of my voice, his shoulders started trembling, and then I heard his sobs. I sat down next to him and circled my arm around his back. Clearly, opening the box must have triggered more painful memories. I slowly rubbed over his back, trying to calm him and reassure him that I was there for him. "Hey, hey what happened? Are you okay?" I asked softly.

He shook his head, sobbing, "No, I'm not okay." I continued rubbing over his back which was shaking with the force of his cries. I tried to pull him close, but his hands were clenched in front of him and he made no move to accept my embrace.