The Stacks

Chapter 16: Apologies

Song: "More Than Words" by Extreme

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Beth got up for work, despite her raging hangover. She showered at my place and borrowed one of my sweaters. She told me to call in sick and she would cover for me since I did twice the work on Monday. I felt bad letting her do my work but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to sleep after my reckless binge. She and the others just said they'd get a cab back to the club to retrieve her car so that I didn't have to get up and drive them, which made me realize even more what fantastic friends I had. I sent everyone on their way with a strong cup of coffee. After taking some Tylenol and chugging a big glass of water, I literally fell back into bed and slept for hours.

When I woke up, it was already mid-afternoon and I was starving. I made myself eggs and toast because it sounded like the best option to relieve the remaining nausea from the alcohol. I also drank at least a half jug of orange juice and it tasted like the best thing I'd ever had in my life. Once my stomach was full, I took a shower and put on some comfortable around-the-house clothes, yoga pants and a long-sleeved t-shirt, and finally felt almost like myself again.

Next on my agenda was to call Harry, as Lisa had advised me to do, and to ask point-blank for an explanation. I wasn't sure what to say without sounding like a bitch and I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what he had to say because it might mean the end of us. Still, I had to know one way or another. I finally summoned all the courage I could and called him. I was somewhat relieved when I got his voicemail so I could say everything all at once.

"Hi Harry, it's Regan. You know I don't want to pressure you but at this point, I think I deserve to know what's going on. If you need more time or you're just not interested anymore, just tell me. I can handle it, but I think it's unfair that you won't talk to me. For what it's worth, I still care very deeply for you and I wish we could just...talk."

All in all, I think it was a pretty fair message, nothing accusatory, just a civil request for an explanation. But my voice started quivering at the end because I was on the verge of tears. I had tried hard to keep my emotions stable because I didn't want him to think I was trying to manipulate him by crying. At least now it was over and done with and I just hoped he would call me back. 

Part of me wanted to stay in frumpy clothes and watch stupid sappy movies and eat ice cream again. But another part of me wanted to stand up and start over. Maybe I'd go out and get something for dinner, or maybe I'd drive up to my parents' house now that I felt a little more in control of the situation. I wasn't sure what I was going to do, but I decided to make myself look presentable and even put on a little make up. Then I would figure out what to do next.

I felt like dressing up so I found my wool winter shorts, a thick pair of tights, and a black button up blouse, kind of a retro number with a frilly collar and cuffs. Together, the outfit looked classy; at least I thought it did. I was just trying to decide between ankle boots and tall boots when I heard the timid knock.

Something in my gut told me it was Harry. When I opened the door, I found out that I was right. Great, I was just thinking about how to make myself feel better and then he shows up looking a little bit distraught. If he was here to make a clean break, I would lose the little bit of momentum I had gained. But at least I'd known for sure if we were done.

"Hi," he said feebly.

"Hi," I returned after taking a deep breath. "Come in." It looked like he wanted to move closer and maybe give me a hug, but I just stepped aside for him to enter. I shut the door and walked away, the heels of my boots clicking along the wooden floor of my apartment. I could hear him quietly following behind me. I was about to flop down on the couch when he caught my arm and pulled me to face him.