The Stacks

Chapter 31: Letting Go

Song: "Honesty" By Billy Joel

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After a rough night's sleep, I was rather unenthusiastic about getting up so early to drive across town and get a change of clothes before I went in to work. But then I remembered something. "It's Thursday!" I practically shouted and Harry jolted awake next to me.

"Mmmrrrr...." Came Harry's standard morning greeting.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you but I had my alarm set for 5:30 but now I know I can sleep a few more hours. And boy do I need it."

No matter how grumpy he sounded when he first woke up, he always found his way to me under the blankets. Sliding his hand under my waist like a shepherd's hook, he pulled me to himself, my back pressing into his front. "Did you have more nightmares?" He asked.

"No, but that one was a doozy. It was just so...real." I shuddered, thinking about Cathryn's message to me. For the hundredth time, I shook my head and corrected that thought. It wasn't real. It was a dream and it meant nothing.

"I've got you now, my sweet. Not gonna let anything happen to you," he murmured. He breathed low and slow sending a warm puff over my cheek each time he exhaled. "And yes, I mean that. I  know you don't feel that way after last weekend, but I'm going to prove it to you."

"Thank you, Harry. That means a lot."

After a few more hours of sleep, I woke again, knowing this time I really had to get to my place soon to get ready for work. Harry brewed some coffee for us and we sat down to talk a little more before I left. "Are we still on for this weekend?" He asked something in his tone told me that he already knew what my answer would be.

"I think maybe we should wait to throw a party. Until we're over this bump in our relationship. I don't want to have to pretend everything's fine."

"So, it isn't  fine?" He looked worried.

I reached across the table for his hand. "I love you, Harry and I forgive you. Last night was amazing and I really did miss sleeping in your arms. But I think maybe I need a little more time to myself, to sort things out in my head."

His eyes fell into a little frown. "So what does that mean, practically speaking?"

"Let's not spend the night with each other for a while. And maybe give each other a few days between visits."

"Visits," he scoffed. "That sounds promising."

"No, no, Harry. I didn't mean it to sound like that. I'm still yours one hundred percent. I just need some time and space. The more you get to know me, the more you'll understand that I need solitude sometimes. Even when things are going well, I'm at my best when I have some time alone." I could see that he was relaxing, but I assured him again, "I love you."

"I love you, too," he said, his eyes lightening up a bit.

Our separation was self-imposed, but it didn't make it any easier for me, or for him. We texted back and forth pretty frequently, which we had agreed on because we still wanted to nip away at some of the issues. Since text messages can lend themselves to all kinds of misinterpretation, we also agreed that if either of us got really upset from a text conversation, our messaging would be suspended until we could talk properly, at least on the phone.

What surprised me was a text from Harry on Saturday morning. I went to see the Metlers again.

Really? I responded. I wasn't even there and those people had me on edge, thinking about they way they attacked me, at first subtly and then outright.