With A Full Heart

× || chapter one

×|| chapter one - freshman year

       I wished the rumors weren't true. But they had been, and they seemed to be proven right by everyone but him. Jack didn't even have the balls to tell me that he was leaving me, two days before freshman year, two days before our lives finally began. He was abandoning me—leaving me to fend for myself in the sea of sophomores, juniors, and seniors.

Could he do that?

Relentlessly, I asked myself that same question as I crossed the small driveway that led up to Jacks's house. His mother had said he didn't want to see me, her eyes full of tears as she said so. I knew everything about us was breaking her heart, but it wasn't her fault. Her husband had died. She needed a new start.

As I reached the door, the tears I'd been holding back came rushing out. I didn't fight them. I didn't have the strength too. Being mad at Jack had drained me of any energy I had left. He'd done everything he could to be by my side these last few weeks of summer, but as the days finally added up, I knew he was going to leave, and it was going to make my insides empty and hollow.

Jack's house was my favorite on the block—while mine was neat and put together, his home was a happy mess. From having two twin sisters, a new puppy, and no one home to clean it—the house had acquired some type of formality to it. It was so sad to see everything packed away. The wooden floors so shiny I could faintly see myself in them. Like six years wiped away. Six years of us. 

"Jack?" I called out once I was inside, my voice shaky. "Please, stop hiding."

I turned towards the creek in the stairs. I wanted him to explain himself. How long had he known this? Why he would leave me? Why now? But when I saw him, he was in no state to explain. He looked like he had been crying for hours. Like he was just as broken as I felt. Knowing that killed any remaining fight I had left.

Before he made it to the last step, I took off running, flinging all my weight into him as I jumped into his arms. He stumbled back into a sitting position on the stairs, both of us shaking with tears. I didn't let go, and neither did he. The tears saying how we felt for the both of us.

"Why?" I sobbed, unable to get a deep breath in.

"I'm so sorry." Jack whimpers, tucking his face into the crook of my neck. "I couldn't face you."

Shaking my head, I squeezed tighter, strengthening our embrace. "Promise me you won't forget me? Promise me that we'll always be Jack and Lucia?" 

After several heartbeats, Jack pulls away. His face stained with tears, eyes puffy. I can only imagine how I looked. Jack tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear, his hand never moving from my cheek. I lean into the warmth of him and continue sobbing.

"I could never forget you, Lu. You're my best friend," he sighs. I didn't want to just be his friend. I wanted him to be my forever. I know everything about us is a ball of hard, complicated emotions. But I couldn't let him go without him knowing how I felt, how I had needed to be so much more than his friend.

"Jack—

"Let's not talk, okay?" He whispers, pulling me into another hug.

The lump in my throat grows as I attempt to swallow down the words I had just been seconds from blurting out. I simply nod and lean into his warm body. Knowing it'll be the last time for a long time.  

"Jack and Lucia forever, right?" He whispers against my ear. 

Jack and Lucia forever.