When The Day Met The Night

3

Everything is wonderful right now. I'm sat here at this bar, drinking away all my worries. I mean, I don't have a wife anymore, I'm not on tour, Sarah took the dogs. I no longer have my house that I spent a shit ton of money on.
It's just me, myself and I. This is great. Alcohol has always been there for me, it didn't cheat on me, it doesn't stab in the back. It's there when I need it and I love it, more than anyone or anything...not that I have someone or something.
"Another shot of whiskey my good man" I tell the bartender and he nods, bringing the bottle over to me and filling up the glass. "You know, this is my best friend right here" I point to the bottle of whiskey in his hand. "It's been here for me since I started drinking it. You know, I really love you" I slap the bottle lightly before he takes it away.
"Baby, come back...you can blame me..." I stop forgetting the words. I sip the whiskey and then put my head on the bar, my head feels about a thousand pounds right now, glad to get it the weight off of my shoulders.
"You look like shit man" a voice says from above me.
"God?" I question, without raising my head.
"Sure, but my friends call me Zack. Sit up" he pulls at the back of my jacket, sitting me up.
"Zack!" I look at his blurry figure. "Zack attack. Zackmester. How are yah man?" I ask.
"Fine but you aren't. You need to get out of here. I haven't seen you this drunk since Drunk history" he pulls me from the chair, walking us out.
"Oh I remember that, go get the Fall Out Boys, we'll do a part two. Okay, it was the summer of 2001-" I get cut off by the cool air on my face. "Oh shit, this feels nice." I tell Zack but he doesn't respond. The next thing I know is I'm in a car.
"This is the 4th time I've had to pull you from a bar Brendon. You have to stop this. I know Sarah cheated on you but its been 2 months. It's time to move on from her"
"2 months is not enough time to get over a 10 year relationship Zack. I hate that she cheated but I miss her..." I droop in my seat.
"Well Brendon, it's time to get over her. She cheated and she doesn't deserve for you to miss her or get drunk over her. " he tells me.
"Well I'm going to. I don't care Zack. I only feel better when I'm high or drunk." I shrug.
"We have a bunch of shit starting next month. You have to get back on your feet."
"I got it Zack...no more drinking. Whatever" I sigh. He doesn't say anything to that and the ride is silent the rest of the way home. I pull out my phone and see Sarah's number right there in my contacts. I haven't deleted it or changed it yet. The heart emojis next to her name are mocking me now. Telling me to text her to let her know I'm over her. So that's what I do. I click her name and then the message button.
I stare at the keyboard for a while, composing a message so full of anger and disappointment that I know it will eat at her for a while. But I don't type it, all I type is: sorry I couldn't make you happy
And I leave it at that and lock my phone.
"Okay Brendon, I'm going to leave you at your apartment now. I trust that you're a big boy and you can handle staying by yourself" Zack says and I nod.
"I got it" I say opening the door. I fall out of the car and waddle my way to the door where I see Bert the doorman.
"Bert, my man. Wusss up." I pat his shoulder.
"Hello Mr. Urie. How was your night?" He asks with a nod.
"I've been drinking, I've been drinking" I sing at him and he moves away. I fall backwards a little but I am caught by some hands.
"Maybe I was wrong. Let's go" I think it's Zack. He lifts me and throws me over his shoulder.
"Weee" I sing. "I'm the king of the world!" I put my arms out as if I'm flying.
"Sure" I hear Zack laugh. I laugh with him and then tap his shoulder.
"Zack vanish" I say but he doesn't vanish. My head falls against Zack's back and I close my eyes.
-----
I wake up with a pounding headache, I know the room is going to be bright so I keep my eyes closed.
Man, what time is it? I shuffle around with my eyes closed and my hands land on a hard rectangle like object that I realize is my phone, either that or a remote. I click the home button and realize it is my phone.
Slowly I peel my eyes open, letting my eyes adjust. In front of me is my phone on the home screen. I pull down the notification bar and see that I have 3 missed calls, 5 emails and 2 texts.
I check my emails first. They're all from my manger. Mostly about how we have a lot happening next month and we need to get a head start. Or about how he doesn't know what's wrong with me but I need to get my head in the game. With that I click out of the emails and go to my calls, all from Zack. The texts to, making sure I'm okay and that he will be here soon to help me out of my slump.
I remember most of what happened last night, I got drunk, chilled at the bar by myself and then Zack got me and took me home.
There's a knock on the door that I realize is probably Zack, I pull myself from my bed and go to the living room and then to the front door where I look through the peep hole on my door to see Zack. I unlock the door and open it. Zack looks me up and down shaking his head.
"You look worse than you did last night. Jeez Brendon, you gotta get cleaned up" he steps in past me and I turn around, letting out a small scoff.
"Thanks" I say sarcastically. "I just woke up alright. Let me fix myself. I have a pounding headache and I just might throw up" I inform him and he nods. I go into the bathroom and take 3 aspirin and then hop in the shower where I let the warm water run down my body for a few minutes before I clean myself.
I can't remember the last time I even took a shower, could have been days or even a week or two.
Once I'm as cleaned up as I can be I get out and drape a towel around my waist and then go to my room.
After I get dried off I put on some jeans with rips in the knees and a plain black t shirt. I go to the living room to find Zack sitting on his phone. When he sees me he looks up.
"You look better....tired but better" he nods. I pick up my glasses from off the coffee table and slide them on, seeing everything better now, I haven't been wearing them because I didn't care but I need to get my act together.
"You have an interview today alright. I know its short notice but you need to do it. It's at 5. We have to leave soon to get there on time." he tells me and my stomach drops. An interview today?? Last night I got hammered and now I have to go out and do an interview...what if they ask me about Sarah, no one knows we got a divorce yet. I don't know if I'm ready to tell them. Oh fuck, what do I say?
"You good?" Zack asks and I just nod. "Dude, we've been friends for over 13 years, I can tell when you're lying. What is it?" he asks.
"It's just...what if they ask about Sarah? What do I say? Do I tell them she's great or do I say, we got a divorce? And if they ask why do I tell them? I don't know what to do man, I'm freaking out"
"Calm down dude, if you're not ready and they ask just tell them she's great. It's okay to lie in an interview" he assures me and I nod.
------
"So Brendon, you wrote...I know you wrote the songs, Sarah Smiles and The End of All Things for your wife Sarah, are there any other songs you wrote about her or for her?" The interviewer asks and my stomach drops. I bite my lip and start picking at my jeans with my finger.
"Not really" I clear my throat. "I try to keep my music separate from my love life. Most of my songs are about things that I've done almost like an autobiography. I don't really want to write about love, that's ninety percent of songs nowadays so everyone else has covered that, I want to write about fun shit that I've done." I explain with a shrug. I'm trying to avoid talking about her. Really wish they hadn't asked me about that.
"Oh I see, so Don't Threaten Me with a Good Time is an autobiography?" He asks with a smile and I nod laughing a little, happy to be away from the other topic.
"Yeah, some of it" I shrug.
"So the line, "I lost a bet to a guy in a chiffon skirt, but I make these high heels work" that actually happened?" He questions and I nod again. "What was the bet?"
"I can't even remember, I think it was how many of-something I could fit in my mouth?" I chuckle.
"I could imagine what that was" he jokes and I nod. "Well thank you Brendon for coming, always a pleasure." He reaches his hand out to shake mine and I do. He lets go and looks at the camera. "Guys, Brendon Urie, Panic! At the Disco, check them out. They're amazing" he says and then the camera cuts.
"Thanks Brendon" he thanks me and then leaves.
"That was good Brendon, you're doing great" my manger tells me. By now they all know about my divorce, everyone except my fans. I just don't know how they'll take it. I know they'll be supportive but they'll also be sad.
"I'm thinking maybe it's time to tell my fans what's up. It's been 2 months"
I tell him and his face looks shocked.
"If that's what you wanna do Brendon, I mean at least if they know they'll be sympathetic to any breakdowns you have"
I choose to ignore that because I'd hope they'd be sympathetic to it no matter what. I pull out my phone and get on the notes to compile what I will say about the matter.
Hey sinners,
I love you guys so much, we have had 13 amazing years together. Each year better than the last. Everyday you show me how amazing and supportive you are to me and the people I love. But in a persons life, people will come and go. So I'm sorry to say that Sarah and I have gone our separate ways. I don't want you guys to feel upset about this, this is something that was a long time coming. We just weren't happy anymore. I'm sorry to you all if I, in anyway let you all down. I know we were "mom and dad" haha. That's so weird. But I get it. I understand.
Don't send Sarah hate please, that is the last thing I want. Just accept it because I have had to learn to accept it as well.
I love you all so much my fellow sinners.
-Beebo out
I sigh as I screen shot the message, that was so hard to write. I go to my twitter and post the picture with the caption: I'm so sorry.
I turn my phone off because I know the response is going to be instant. Zack looks up from his phone to me.
"I saw...are you okay man? That must have been tough" he comes up to me and pats my back.
"Yeah, just don't tell me what people are saying. I'm not ready" I shake my head.
"It'll be okay Brendon" he assures me.
Everything will be okay.