When The Day Met The Night

53

I breathe in a deep breath, before putting my knuckles to the all too familiar wood of Brendon's apartment door. Hoping that once he sees me he'll realize that this whole month has been a disaster and forgive me for running away.
I press my knuckles into the wood, realizing what I'm doing. I take my hand away and turn away from the door.
What do I expect from him? For him to just take me in with open arms and thank me for coming back to him? How could I expect that from him. I ran away from him and refused contact with him the whole time. He'll probably laugh in my face and tell me to leave him alone.
I'm almost to the elevator when I hear my name and freeze in place.
"Rian?" He says again and I turn to him. He looks way better than I remember him and I want to cry in his arms and tell him how much I've missed him. But I don't, i just simply say Hi.
"What are you doing here?" He questions. "Thought you were in Michigan?"
"I-I was but I came back to get my stuff." I say simply begging myself to say more. Tell him that you're sorry and you miss him and leaving him was the biggest mistake you made!
"Oh, I think I do have a few things of yours. Do you want to come in and get them?" He offers. He's so casual and nonchalant. I hate it, I want him to be visibly distraught and beg for me back.
"Y-yeah" I nod and follow him back. Once he opens the door I feel myself crumble. I hate myself.
"I have a box here of your stuff. But...can we talk first?" He asks. I nod.
"I know why you left and I'm sorry I put you in that situation. I can't tell you how awful I felt after reading that note. I was going to come to Michigan and ask for you back but I realized I shouldn't chase someone who doesn't want to be chased. I tried to move on, and I have been slowly but I need you to know. I still love you" he explains. My heart skips a beat. I can't believe this. I smile a little and look down overjoyed with emotion.
"Brendon...I didn't come here to get my stuff" I state. He looks at me confused. "I came here to apologize for my leaving you. I shouldn't have. I loved you and wasn't in a good place then and I still love you now. I came to see if you'd take me back."
"Rian...I-" he sighs like he's about to deliver some harsh news and my heart breaks. "I don't know. I accept your apology and will always have a place for you in my heart and love you no matter what but I can't help but to think maybe we aren't meant to be together."
"What?" I ask, my voice cracking.
"I've been thinking and there has been so much to happen in the only 6 months we were together that just adds up to us not meaning to be together. That thing with you and Dylan and then you got back with Ian and then your accident and not remembering me. I mean you practically refused to try and remember me. And then all of this. I can't say I dont want to be with you because I do but maybe it's our timing-" he goes on but I stop him.
"I get it. It was stupid for me to come back and ask that anyways." I stand. "I'll take my things and I'll be on my way"
"I'm sorry Rian. I love you, you know that" he says and I stay silent, knowing if I try to speak I'll cry. He comes back in with a small box of things and before he can say another word, I leave.
As I walk out I break down in tears. Once I get to my car, I put my stuff in the back and wipe my tears. I breath in a few times to gain my composure. As I'm about to get in the car I see Brendon running after me.
"Rian!" He calls. Maybe he changed his mind? "I know this will be hard on us but we can make it through this. And we can be friends. But maybe you could come back to work with us? Be my photographer again? We've missed you" He offers.
"Yeah okay" I say without thinking. He nods and I get in and drive off.
What was I thinking? Taking that job! Now I have to stay in this state and be around him. This is going to be the death of me.