When The Day Met The Night

5

I love everything right now. I feel like I'm finally back on my feet. It's been 3 months since Sarah cheated on me but in that time I have been pushing myself to move on and get over her. I haven't moved on in the "relationship" sense but in other ways. I deleted her from my contacts, I deleted all the pictures in my phone that reminded me of her or were of her or with her.
Anything she gave me I burned, which sucked because I liked some of the clothes but I told myself I would buy newer version of it.
I don't drink anymore if I think about her, I just listen to music. Zack has really helped me, so has the rest of my friends. I haven't been on social media yet but I'll get there eventually.
I've been working on some new music and I really like it, some of it is about Sarah but I try to make it as subtle as possible. It's hard because I have so much anger and sadness and also happiness inside of me.
Today I have an interview for I Heart Radio and I'm nervous cause it's the first one since I told everyone about the divorce.
There's a knock on the door so I pull myself from my bed and go to my front door. It's of course Zack.
"Brendon what're you doing man, we have an hour." He and when he comes in, looking at my sleepy appearance.
"Sorry, I just woke up" I shrug, moving away for him to come in.
"Well you're out of bed before noon so at least that's a start" he shrugs. "Just get ready please"
"Fine" I sigh and go to my room to get ready.
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I sit down in the chair across from the interviewer chair. They hand me headphones and I wait for them to start. It's a small room inside of a studio, you can tell it's meant for interviews and just playing music.
"Hi Brendon it's so nice to meet you" the interviewer comes in and shakes my hand.
"Nice to meet you too" I smile at him. He goes around to the other side and sits down, as he puts headphones on.
"Hello everyone I'm Micheal Sparks, your host for I Heart Radio, your music station. Today I have a very special guest with me, Brendon Urie from Panic! at the Disco. Hi Brendon" he introduces me.
"Hello" I say into the small mic with a smile.
"It's good to have you here, I'm a huge fan" he tells me and I nod.
"Oh that's so awesome" I chuckle.
"So Brendon are you working on anything new?" He asks.
"Oh yeah, definitely. I'm always working on something new- I mean I've been working on stuff since before Death of a Bachelor came out. I'm constantly writing and making new tracks." I explain.
"So you just never stop working?" He laughs and I nod. "Brendon, you've been apart of Panic! for like 13 years now and been Panic! by yourself for like 2 or 3. What's different about working with 3 other people and just being by yourself?"
"Wow. A lot, I guess but mostly, just writing really. I no longer have to ask other people how they feel about certain stuff, I can just write what I want and I either like it or I don't and that's it. But other than that it's the same, I'm still having fun onstage and everything. Still working with my close friends. It's fun" I finish and shrug.
"And from what I heard, Panic! was started with Ryan Ross, right? He started the band? You came in to fill in for him once and ended up staying. What's that like-being the only member in a band that you were just supposed to be a fill in for?" He asks with a small hit of humor behind his voice.
"I don't know honestly, never really thought about that before. It's not weird. Slowly everyone left besides me so I just got use to doing stuff by myself. I am Panic! now" I laugh and he laughs too. "Like if I wanted to I could just drop the name and be Brendon Urie"
"Why don't you?" He asks.
"Because, Panic! at the Disco is just a well known name. If I go by my actual name some people will be like- who is this guy? Brendon Urie? And it's like you go to buy a Panic! shirt and it says Brendon Urie instead. You just want Panic! right?" I laugh more. "It's just well known and I like it, I've been with it for 13 years almost now. It's just got a ring to it" I shrug and everyone in the room laughs at how I explained that.
"So Brendon..." his voice gets serious. I silently suck in a breath because I know he's about to ask about my divorce, I can handle this, I'm a big boy.
"You recently called it quits with your wife Sarah. How are you feeling?" He asks.
I suck in a breath loudly

and nod as I swallow the lump in my throat.
"I'm doing okay. You know, just doing my thing. Living, loving." I shrug still nodding.
"Umm I'm aware you have some songs that you wrote a while back for her? What're your plans with those?" He questions and I let out a little scoff.
"What do you mean? I wrote those songs because that's how I felt?" I shrug. "I'm not going to like- going to take them away randomly. They're songs that people like, the fans like- I like. I'm not gonna do anything about them. Taylor Swift writes songs about people she loves all the time and she hasn't thought about getting rid of them ever" I explain trying to keep my composure. Zack steps in and whispers "let's move on" to Micheal and he nods.
"Alright, Brendon Urie. Panic! at the Disco, do you have anything happening in the future? New songs coming out soon? Music videos? Tour plans?" He asks nicely but his face looks aggravated. Same.
"I actually-" I laugh trying to lighten the mood. "Can't talk about it, all I can say is, keep a look out for some new stuff coming soon"
"Will do Brendon. Last thing we're going to do is, we have a question from a fan on twitter. And she asks "Are you thinking about doing any acting rolls in the future?""
I laugh a little and clear my throat. "I don't know really, I've always stuck with music, I've tried to do" I cough again. "Auditions but I couldn't get through them. I always end up getting super nervous. I do act in my music videos so I'll keep it there for right now but who knows?" I shrug.
"Okay, Brendon Urie. Panic!-at-the-Disco everybody. Thank you so much man." He says and then cuts it.
"Brendon I am so sorry about that. I didn't realize that you didn't want to talk about it. No one told me" he apologizes.
"It's okay, I under-" I try to console him but Zack comes in.
"It wasn't okay. It's been 3 months. How could you think it was okay to talk about that?" Zack asks.
"It's what the people want the answers to? I ask questions that I know people have" he shrugs.
"It's none of your goddamn business" Zack shoots and then escorts me out.
Once we get out we go to the car, I know Zack is mad because usually we stay and hang out for a bit.
"Zack, dude" I get his attention half way down the road. "It's seriously okay. My fans want to know what's up with me and if I have to answer some questions that I feel uncomfortable with I guess I'll have to" I tell him.
"No you don't, that's the thing. You don't have to answer questions you don't want to answer. From now on I'm telling all interviewers that questions about Sarah are veto"
"But what if that's the only reason they want to interview me?" I ask, the reality of that being true hitting me square in the face.
"Then I guess you won't be doing interviews for a while." He shrugs.
"Listen Zack I know you're tour manager and all but I can still make decisions too. If I want to talk about things I will. It's my divorce so if I feel comfortable enough to talk about it then I will"
"I'm just saying Brendon, it seemed to make you uncomfortable" he shrugs.
"It doesn't make me as uncomfortable as I put on."
"Are you sure? You got all mad and started talking about Taylor Swift" he laughs and I let out a small laugh too.
"Well it's true, her whole thing is writing about guys....okay, I promise for next time I'll be cool about it"
"Fine." He sighs. "I'm going to drop you off but I need you to be ready by nine am tomorrow." He informs me and I nod.
"Okay, I got it" I tell him with a nod.