Chapter 16: The devil may cray
• ONE YEAR LATER •
"Niall's coming over today. I called Zayn, but he didn't answer" Liam pulled the covers up exposing Harry, and putting his hand out for grasp.
When Harry made no attempt to move or talk at all, Liam sighed, eyebrows furrowed together.
"I know how hard it's been, I get why too. I saw the way he treated you, we all did. But Harry, you need to realize that siting emotionlessly from days end is not going to accomplish anything. You want him back? Go get him. You want to get over him? Go out to some bar. You just want to see him? Call him, text him. Harry please just do something, seeing you suffering is making us all suffer"
Harry's eyes get teary and wet as they slowly dribble down his cheeks "He doesn't want me to find him, he doesn't want me. Liam, th- the worst part is I don't even k-know - sometimes I question if he was even real. Not him, just u-us. Sometimes it feels like it was just a d-dream. The only thing I know was real was the p-pull towards him. The w-want,the crave.
"I know I need him to b-breath, to live. And it kills me everyday- because I don't have him. L-Liam why'd this happen? Please- please tell me before I go completely insane" Harry sobbed, practically lunging himself into Liam's shirt. Liam rubbed his back soothingly as he screamed and cried and pulled his thin grey fabric into fists.
++
Harry's been sleeping over at Liam's from that day on, Liam saying he was too worried to leave him alone right now.
Harry thought that wasn't fair. He cut and all, but he's never thought of trying again.
That's a lie, he thinks about it everyday.
So when two weeks after staying at Liam's place, the phone rings while Liam's at the shops, Harry's instinct it to answer. So he does
"Hello?" He murmurs tentatively, unsure of who was on the other line.
"H-Harry?" The voice cracks. That voice, the slight highness, the vulnerability, the emotion, the softness, he knows it's him. Louis.
The phone clatters to the floor. Liam walks in just then, only to find a phone with a light voice asking questions from its placement on the wood floor, and a boy panting heavily, tears burning his red rimmed eyes as he tries not to scream.
"Harry - what's wrong? Tell me, calm down okay? Breath in, breath out"
"It's him- o-on the phone l-Liam" Harry points a shaky boney finger at the plastic.
"Go lie down on the couch Harry okay? Try and calm down." Harry doesn't nod, just walks out of the room anyways.
Liam sighs before picking up the phone, "Hello?"
"Liam, uh Hi" Louis awkwardly replies
"Sorry about that, he's uh - yeah anyways why'd you call? Haven't heard from you in what - a month or two?" Liam questions, slight sharp tone to his voice. He picks up the turkey and cheese from his sandwich, zipping them and sliding them back in the fridge.
"I want to see you guys. Management is making us do a Valentines day appearance at some weird multi - star concert. They said it's been over a year since we started our break, so now is prime time to show up again." Louis breaths out, rushed and mumbled.
"When? And do you honestly expect all of us to be there?" Liam ties back up the bread and places it in the cabinet.
"Well yeah, Zayn and I've stayed really close. I'm counting on you and Niall already -"
"I'm talking about Harry"
"I- He doesn't have to" Louis whispered, almost scared he'd hear him.
"You can't just keep avoiding him like the plague Louis! He's not some filth ridden disease, he's just a boy! It's 100% not his fault he ended up like this, it's yours! So stop acting like he was never a part of your life in the first place, man up!"
+
One direction met up for the first time in a full year on January 20th.
They meet at Liam's house, after bickering about how Liam probably wouldn't be able to herd Harry anywhere else.
The first one there is Niall, and before he even takes off his wet shoes and coat, he tackles Harry in a bear hug, whispering "I'm sorry so so sorry"
Harry didn't understand why, but nodded along anyways. As Liam and Niall engaged into a conversation, smiling lovely at each other. Liam's arm slid behind Niall's back soothingly. Harry slowly slipped away and back into the domain of his room, not being able to handle the fondness.
Zayn and Louis came together, and when they smiled at Liam no one noticed Harry's absence.
"Where'd Harry go?" Niall asked as they were all sat at the table, glancing at each other taking in the changes the year had brought along.
"He's in his room - hold on" Liam smiled before pushing his chair back with a obnoxious squeaking before puttering to Harry's room.
"I thought he still lived in you guys' old apartment?" Zayn spoke up. Louis simply shrugged, minds swirling with thoughts from the last time he saw Harry. Back when he had Harry.
"He does, just staying with Liam for a bit." Niall munched on some snacks Liam had generously placed on the table.
Just then, a frown sketched Liam appeared through the door, following with his head bowed was Harry in grey sweats and a stained sweatshirt , with a beanie.
"Harry mate, good to see you" Zayn acknowledged, "How ya been?"
Harry shrugged. Slumping into his chair between Niall and Liam. Zayn nodded, getting the hint he didn't want to talk.
"So, I thought we'd meet up to share stuff that's happened since we broke up. Anyone up first? I think I'll just add that my memory has almost fully healed now. I'm done with the medicine and only have appointments every 2 months now." Louis half smiled, a pull on his heart just from seeing Harry.
Harry's ears ached, his eyes ached. He ached. Louis was here, sitting in front of him. In the flesh and he wasn't acknowledging his mere existence. He felt tears forming, he swallowed hard and tried to curl into himself and disappear.
"Perrie and I got married in May. You guys were all invited though, so you all know" Zayn snuck at a glance at Harry, who had been missing on his wedding day.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there - Zayn, I- I just was up home and I couldn't make it and things happened and I'm so sorry" He rushed out, fast and quick like a race driver. Zayn just respectively nodded and sighed, still hating that empty chair in the photo.
"I moved back to Ireland, I still have a flat here though. Still with Liam." Niall wiggled his eyebrows, everyone laughed. This is how it used to be, they all thought. They wanted it back. They achingly longed for it
"Got in a pretty bad car wreck, messed up my leg pretty bad. 'm fine now though. " Liam rubbed consciously at his leg.
That was Harry's fault, he remembered. Called him saying he was gonna do it, he was gonna try again.
"Anyone else gonna share?" Louis tapped his fingers on the table. A habit of his for when he's nervous. Always tapped thumb to pinky then pinky to thumb, while blinking three times too many a minute and biting his lip occasionally.
No one said anything.
"Okay! I'll go then. So after we broke up, the band that is" His eyes wandered to Harry, "I started dating A lovely gal, her names Grace, we just got on very well I guess. Three months ago, I proposed to her on a picnic, hid the ring in a chocolate dipped strawberry. She said yes of course, and that's that! The weddings actually on January 29th" Louis nervously laughed, the tension suddenly thickening before his eyes.
"Congrats, why haven't we got invitations?" Liam asked, truly interested bless his heart, as he leaned forward.
Harry couldn't function. His mind had shut down after the words proposed, and this new Grace. Louis was getting married and not to him?
He abruptly stood up and left the room.
He found himself on the floor, shaking and trying everything not to think. He didn't need that. Everything was supposed to stay buried. It wasn't working anymore. Why wasn't it working? It was supposed to work. It was never supposed to come out. Everything was fine until..
"Harry?" A small, worried voice came from the doorsteps of his room. It didn't belong to Louis, Harry was sure. But even though he was sure he had nothing to be afraid of (or his thoughts were telling him so), he was still shaking and he didn't think he could stop. The rushed footsteps came close to him and then hands wrapped around his shoulders trying to keep him in place.
"Harry, Harry calm down. Harry, please stop. It's me. Niall. I'm not here to hurt you. Calm down, please." Harry was listening to the voice. It was caring and worried and sounded like he could trust them.
He stopped shaking, but the tears didn't stop. He couldn't control it. He couldn't stop it and he didn't know what to do. He didn't know if he wanted to shake Niall off and tell him to go away, or if he wanted to give in and let Niall take care of him. He didn't know who to trust. He didn't know who was right and who was wrong. He just didn't know anything and the past was still on the urge of coming back. Harry was a mess.
+
The boys (minus Niall and Harry) sat idly around the table. The silence crept through the table and into their heads.
"I shouldn't of said anything, not with him right there." Louis sighed, face pressed into his hands. Brows creased
"Lou, it was better to tell him now not wait til the eve of the wedding" Zayn pointed out, hand itching to light a cigarette
Louis cringed, "I'm gonna make him the best man... I just - I've always wanted him standing up there with me"
"But this isn't the way you originally planned it?" Liam finished, sending the conversation deep, deep into the depths of the past.
"Louis, you need to wake up and realize things will never be how they were before. Post accident or accident. He's hurt, you've avoided him for almost a year. You made the band take a break, since you couldn't handle him. We knew it was because of him, not because you wanted to spend these last few months of recovery with family. " Zayn casually referenced, leaning back into his chair, "And then the first time you see him since then, you drop the bomb that you're getting married."
Just as Louis opened his mouth to speak, Niall came back into the kitchen.
His facial features were delicate and soft, "He's fine. But you know Louis, that was a twat thing of you to do."
Louis chest caved in, his heart felt as if god had a strong fist hold and was squeezing it to his full will.
"I- Liam" His voice cracked, his face fell into his hands, "I didn't think - I never imagined -"
Liam rubbed his back soothingly, "It's okay, none of us did"
"I'll go check on him" Liam sighed, shoving his chair back aggressively into the counter.
Liam slowly opened the door, peaking in to find Harry curled in on himself in the middle of the messy floor, a broken frame next to his side. He was silent; no tears.
Liam dared to feather his fingers over his cold pale skin, flinching back when Harry cringed.
Harry scooted himself back into the corner of the dim lit room.
"Harry, it's me Liam. We've known each other for a while now. Used to be in a band?" Liam softly whispered, leaving his hand to linger near Harry. In case he needed a grip.
"L-Liam,I-I'm fine. I'll just wash up in the bathroom and b-be back down." Harry smiled weakly, picking himself up. His hand slipped over a piece of glass, slitting through it. He quickly got up, and carried himself to the bathroom, closing the door softly and locking it silently.
Liam covered his eyes with his hands, head pounding. He gathered himself together. And soon found himself back with Louis and Zayn
"Is he okay?" Louis bit his lip.
"Mate, he hasn't been okay for a year." Zayn retorted.
Liam sent a glare in his direction, "So what's Grace like?"
+
Harry managed to sneak past his bantering band mates and make his way into the chilling January night. A light snow fell from the smokey clouds. Blocking the beauty of the stars under them. He thinks the sky is mocking him, how he's being blocked of shining.
As he stares at the sky with slight awe sketched in his features. Married. Louis William Tomlinson was going to be married. His bodied physically shivered at the thought.
This past year brought him a lot, he realized. Yes Louis had gotten better, but after about a month or two of dating and finally becoming an official couple, Louis fled to his family. He claimed he needed their support through his last moments of recovery. And Harry understand that, he did.
But it wasn't necessary to completely drop all contact with him. He never texted, called, wrote, or emailed. Nothing. Six months later, and he got a text from a blocked number saying:
From: Blocked
To: Harry
Hey it's Louis, um I just wanted to make sure you understand we aren't together anymore. I hope you get that. It was more of a fling to me, just needed to figure out some things and you were there and I guess I took it too far. I hope we can still be friends.
He couldn't believe Louis had the nerve after everything. And seeing him tonight broke Harry, cracked his body and shattered his insides.
It was stupid, the accident should have never happened. He thought bitterly.
As he found himself circled back to Liam's, he regained himself and stepped in. No cars remained in the driveway, so he safely assumed everyone had fleeted.
Harry let himself in, only to find all the front lights out and a figure on the couch. He jumped to the conclusion of it being Niall, before realizing Niall would be with Liam. He spotted another figure on the smaller sofa. Confused, he shed his shoes and tip toed to Liam's room, a lamp lit as he read peacefully, figure curled into his side.
"Liam?" Harry tilted his head, questioningly.
"Oh! Harry you're back. The boys are staying the night. And a few others maybe, they might get a hotel." Liam smiled, eyes flickering back to the book.
"Why are they staying?" Harry inquired.
"The wedding of course." An Irish accent replied from Liam's side.
"Oh." Harry bite his lip, "Good night."
"Goodnight." Liam responded sincerely.
Harry nodded, exiting the room and entering his own in only a few steps down the hall.
He threw himself onto his bed, thoughts scattered ; all revolving around one.
Louis was getting married in 9 days.
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A/N:
YAY I UPDATED IN ONLY A WEEK
Thanks to anyone who voted for this one :) I hope you guys like it... I mean you did vote for it...
Not much to say, I'm glad I got to spice things up a bit and mess around with some mysterious stuff
Shoutout (1): ShaliceNyree for always commenting! It makes me feel loved.
Shoutout (2): Haley for inspiring to take out a scene i was struggling to write and helping me update this fast
Shoutout (3): Kaity for fangirling with me beCAUSE 12K READS WHAT
Anyways, please keep doing the character asks! Here explains what that is:
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To author: Why do you take so long to update?
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To (insert username): Because I am a failure.
So if you could please plleeaaasseee comment a character ask it would be spontaneous. The faster I get comments the faster I update
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C O M M E N T
So there's that!
Song used: Devil May Cry By: The Weeknd
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save my heart (larry stylinson)
Fanficthe one where louis gets hurt and harry hurts himself
