Just Let Me Go

   Use of gender neutral pronouns and (y/n), First Person POV
Content Warning: anxiety attack, suicide attempt, some blood
Word Count: ~2000

     We were on our way to Lestallum when I felt it. Sitting between Gladio and Noctis in the backseat of the Regalia, my pulse quickened.

  Not here, not now. There's nothing wrong.

     I tried to contain my thoughts, tried to sit perfectly.
     "Please, no," I whispered to myself. I thought no-one would hear, wrapped in their own conversations. I saw Ignis's eyes meet mine in the rear-view mirror. He had heard. My hands started shaking as he pulled us over.
     "Iggy, what are you doing?" Prompto asked. He got out, and everyone else followed suit. I practically threw myself out of the car. I put quite a bit of space between myself and my companions, though not enough look strange. Ignis stepped towards me, green eyes focused on me. I was still shaking, and now I felt it throughout my entire body.

  Run.

     It commanded me. I reached towards my chocobo whistle in my back pocket.
     "(y/n), are you alright?" he asked me. I'm pretty sure he already knew the answer. The others looked extremely concerned as we interacted.
     "N-no," but I'll be alright." I hated the shakiness of my own voice, which was normally strong and clear. I quickly blew the whistle and ran away from them. Appearing seemingly out of nowhere, my gray chocobo ran beside me. I stopped for a second to mount, and then urged her to go as fast as she could go. I could hear my friends' shouts trying to get me to return. My heart raced, and my vision blurred. Anxiety had commanded that I run, and so I had.
     By the time I stopped, it was dark. My anxiety had finally subsided, but in its place stood shame and fear. I had left them without reason, without an explanation, without a goodbye. They probably hated me, for doing such a thing to them. Part of me hoped that they had moved on and would forget about me. Another part prayed that they would come find me. I sat on top of a boulder and ran my fingers through my chocobo's feathers. I heard a noise and I stiffened. Looking around, I saw nothing. But I was reminded that daemons come out at night, and I had left my weapons in the Regalia in my rush to get out. Ignis would be disappointed by my ill-preparedness. I stood up and hugged my chocobo, her warmth soothing me. Looking up at the stars, I thought about what I would do if the boys hadn't found me in Hammerhead and asked me to join them on their journey. My conclusion was rather upsetting. I hadn't though about it in a while. I wouldn't be doing anything. I would be dead.

     That day was the day I had planned to end my own life. I was alone, starving, and suffering from the daemons inside my mind. I had bought and prepared the poison, looking out at the scenery surrounding me. I contemplated life and everything that entails, when I heard them. Well, more accurately, heard Prompto's shutter go off. I turned, rather curious. I hated people taking pictures of me, though my passivity from preparing for suicide changed that.
     "Hey," I said to him. He was smiling like he won something, and his hair looked like a chocobo, but he didn't appear to have a harmful intent. Not that I would've done much to stop him if he did.
     "Hey! You look lonely. You should come hang out with me and my buddies at The Crow!" His invitation caught me by surprise. Nobody had ever really said anything like that to me. I felt warm.
      "That.." I began slowly, "That would be nice." He took me by the hand and tugged me towards the eatery.
      "Then let's go!" He cheered. I found I could appreciate his zeal. I allowed the blond man to take me there, where three other guys were sitting in a booth. They all looked up at him, and then to me. I felt terror began to crawl up my bones, but I shoved it back as best I could. These people could be my friends. I realized I still gripped the bottle with poison tightly in my left hand. I removed my focus from the group and put it in my pack.