Secrets & Lies

Over It| 67

I didn't waste any time looking for a reaction. I just walked away and went to my room. I wasn't sure if he'd left or not. It felt unfair for me to say what I did. But deep down both he and I knew it was the truth. The more I thought about the more I convinced myself that I needed to take time to heal. I had gone through the most traumatic experience in my life and even though I was gone three days it felt like forever. I couldn't just jump back into my old life like he wanted me to.

When I got out of the shower I put some pants on and stood in front of the mirror. I had tried to avoid really looking at myself these past days. I didn't want to see the bruise on my shoulder from where I fell. I didn't want to see the healing cut above my eyebrow. Then there were the injuries I didn't need to see with a mirror.

The bruises on my arms and wrists were almost gone but there was already a new one blooming from where Sebastian gripped my arm. They didn't hurt much anymore which was a good sign. My back was still sore and I changed my own bandages as frequently as possible. I never asked for help with them because I didn't want anyone especially Sebastian to see. I didn't even want to see it.

I pulled my shirt on and cut out the light before heading into my room. I hadn't expected Sebastian to still be here. But there he was sitting in the chair beside my bed. "Hey." He greeted softly.

"I thought you left."

"I wasn't going to leave you here alone and upset."

I hummed in response as I pulled the blankets back so could get ready to go to sleep. "I'm sorry, I know none of this is easy for you. I'm really trying to be more understanding. But it hurts me to see you hurting. It hurts knowing that you won't let me comfort you."

"It's not that I don't want you to. I just...I just need to get myself together at my own pace and I know you don't mean to rush my healing but you gotta give me more time." I replied. "You gotta give me my space."

"I'm not going to just give up on you." He scoffed. "It's not giving up. It's giving me what I need."

"You don't need to be alone. How can I even believe that you're not just pushing me away when you won't even look at me?"

"Every time I look at you Or Javier I remember that you both were the reasons why she did what she did. I don't think it was your fault because things could've played out a lot differently if I told you about Ambrose. But for three days she constantly reminded me that I was there because she wanted you both to hurt." I told him honestly.

His head dropped in shame as he took in what I'd said. "You don't know what I need right now because you aren't me. But I'm trying to tell you that I don't want to look at you and see that."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too," I mumbled. "And you just want to end it?" He asked. "That's not what I'm saying. This doesn't have to be permanent. I'm not trying to break up with you, I just want a break from everything and everyone."

"It would make it easier if you just tell me that you don't want me anymore." He frowned. "But that's not true. Of course, I want you. I love you. More than anything. But I'm hurting and I need a second to step back and get myself together."

He nodded softly and I knew he was trying to be accepting but I could practically feel his anger radiating off of him in waves. "Okay."

He left my room wordlessly and all I could hear was the sound of his retreating footsteps until he opened the door and slammed it shut behind him. I climbed into my bed and let the tears flow as I lay there.