Secrets & Lies

You're Not The Same|66

After the reading, we all dispersed and Sebastian took me home. Even after two whole days since then and speaking with Javier about what he'd left me, I still was trying to grasp the concept of me becoming a millionaire in a matter of minutes. Well, I wasn't a millionaire just yet. I had a lot of legalities to sort through and fund transference.

"Honey! I'm home." A smile grew as Sebastian's loud voice boomed through the house. He came in carrying a takeout bag. "I missed you, Bebe." He said as he sat the bag down and took off his denim jacket.

He pressed his hand to the back of the couch and leaned forward to give me a kiss. I smiled a small smile and tilted my head a little so he could kiss me on the forehead. After the exchange, he continued to hover over me for a little longer before plopping down on the couch beside me.

"You okay?" He asked as he handed me the food. "Mhm," I replied as I grabbed it.

"You wanna watch that show you like. The one with the people with dwarfism?" He asked.

"Yeah, the remotes on that couch though. I'll go get some plates." I said. "Oh no, I can get it." He said while standing.

"I can get it, Sebastian. I need to stretch my legs anyway, I've been sitting on the couch for hours." I shrugged.

He nodded in reply and I walked to the kitchen while rolling my shoulders back and forth. When I came back with forks and plates he separated the food evenly and we ate while watching Little Women. Once we were finished he helped me bring the dishes to the sink and leaned against the sink while I washed them.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked after allowing him to stare at me for three minutes straight. "You're just so different." He mumbled. He moved closer until he could wrap his arms around my waist and rest his head on my shoulder. No doubt that he didn't miss the look of discomfort that was slathered on my face for a second. "Alright, that's done!" I announced and pulled myself out of his arms.

He followed me like a lost puppy back to the living room and sat down a few inches away. I watched the show tentatively while he watched me. He lifted his hand to touch my face and for the umpteenth time, I flinched at the unexpected contact. I sighed heavily as he dropped his hand. "Are you-are you afraid of me?" He asked quietly.

"What?"

"Is it because of what I did to Julia. You know I had to." He insisted. "Sebastian i- im not afraid of you. I know you had to do it."

"So why do you flinch every time I touch you? Why haven't you looked me in the eye since I found you?"

"Seriously it's nothing," I mumbled. "Oh come on I'm a big boy I can take it." He scoffed.

"I just- I'm not scared of you. It doesn't have anything to do with you really. I just had to deal with a lot when I was gone." I admitted. "Why won't you look me in the eye?"

I shrugged and he took my hands in his. "Please just talk to me."

"I...I know I shouldn't have been or shouldn't be upset that you were going to kill him. But seeing you like that...with that look in your eye that she had just before...I don't want to see that look in your eyes again." While it was true. That hadn't been the only reason. Even after we left that place and went to the hospital when I tried to look at him it just reminded me of everything that happened and the same goes for Javier.

"It scared you that I would defend you no matter what?" He asked. "No, it scared me that you looked as cold and deranged as she did. "

"I was angry. They did god knows what to you and that made me angry. I'd do anything for you." He replied.

I sighed heavily and pushed my hair behind my ear. "I love you." He mumbled.

My lip quivered at the sound of that. "What else is wrong?" He asked. "What do you mean?"

"You're not the same."

"I was drugged, continuously. I was kidnapped and I was almost killed. Did you think I'd come back home and throw myself into your arms just like that? Did you think it would just be the same as before?" I asked and he scoffed as let go of my hands. "No, but I expected you to want me to touch you. I expected you to want me to protect you and take care of you." He said as he raised his voice.

"Do not Yell at me."

"Or what?! It's clear that yelling is the only way you seem to hear how I feel. You don't want me around, you won't let me hold you, you flinch when I try to touch you, and all this shit you're saying about what you see when you look at me?! It's bull-"

"I don't feel safe with you anymore!" I effectively cut him off by exclaiming those words. I could practically hear him whimper at the sound of that. "I don't feel strong and comfortable and protected anymore."

"How can I fix it? Just tell me how to fix it?"

"You can't just fix it. It's not just gonna go away." I stressed. "What're you saying?"

"I'm afraid to sleep in the dark and I started to sleep with a baseball bat in my bed. I think I need to learn how to feel secure again on my own. I need to learn how to cope with my nightmares and feel comfortable in my own home again."

"Okay, we can do it together." He insisted. "But we cant, clearly. You're turning this into something about you when I just want you to understand that this isn't just gonna blow over."

"I think...I think that maybe we should just...maybe we should take a little break." I sighed.

"You wanna break up?"

"No, I just want to have time for myself to get my head back in the game. You and I aren't even on the same wavelength right now because I'm so anxious. I need to get my feelings in check." I sniffled. "You can leave whenever I'm going upstairs."

"Don't walk away from me." He said as he grabbed hold of my wrist. "How could you even think of leaving me. I'm trying here!" He exclaimed.

My vision clouded from tears as I tried to pull away. When I looked in his eyes I didn't see the person I was in love with. I saw the man I resented before we were together. The man that would've killed Ambrose. "You're hurting me." I whimpered.

His eyes widened and he immediately let go. "I'm so sorry baby. I'm so sorry I didn't mean to." He apologized. "I just...why don't you want me anymore?" He sighed. I scoffed at the sound of that.

"Could you please just...just go," I whispered.