Secrets & Lies

Toxicity| 70

"I heard you're going to Seattle."

"Where'd you hear that?" I asked. "Evangeline and Amara were talking about it. How long are you staying for?"

"A while, Can you save all the fluff and tell me what you want?"

"I'm—I'm sorry." He said. His apology took me by surprise and all I could do in response was blink. It had been a while since we last spoke. I guess it's never really too late for apologies but I couldn't help but question his motives. I no longer trusted anything that came out of his mouth.

"What're You playing at here?" I asked suspiciously. "What? Nothing. I wanted to apologize before you moved away."

"I'm not moving. You still sorry?" I scoffed. "Yes. I apologize for my actions and I especially apologize for hurting you. I never wanted things to go down that way. Maybe you could forgive me and we could go back to the way it was."

Is he serious?

"Did you seriously think that you could just say you were sorry and expect me to just forgive you and take you back?"

"Of course not.  I expected more yelling first." He smirked. "Not this time. You crossed a line. I can't take you back."

"Why Not?"

"The fact that you even have to ask is a prime example of all the reasons why. Do you even see how you were wrong?" I asked. "Yes, and I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you should be," I replied. "I let a lot of the bull crap you say to me slide but not this time," I said firmly. I hadn't noticed that he was now a little bit closer than before.

"I shouldn't have said it. I was angry at you and myself. I wanted somebody to blame and instead of blaming myself, I blamed you. It won't happen again."

"You're right, it won't. Because we are done. Get the fuck out and please do let the door hit you on the way out."

I attempted to walk past him to go upstairs but he stopped me by grabbing my hand. "Don't walk away from me...us."

He and I stared into each other's eyes for a What felt like forever. He was so hot and cold sometimes and it bothered me. Here he was asking for redemption after telling me it was my fault he cheated. Maybe it was. "You're an asshole, you know that?" I whispered as I attempted to walk away.

"Yeah, I know."

My eyes unconsciously flickered between his lips and his eyes a few times and I attempted to back away from the staredown. "Let me go."

"Never."

And after that, he pressed his lips to mine. I went against my better judgment and I kissed him back. But when I realized exactly what was happening I pulled away and attempted to catch my breath. I glared at him furiously and before I could stop myself my hand connected with his face. His head whipped to the side dramatically and even though I kind of felt bad it felt good.

When he turned back around the look he gave me was pure seduction. "That's not gonna change anything."

He was in phases by the comment as he stepped closer to me. So close that I could feel the heat radiating off of his body. "No?"

Fuck it

I knew that I shouldn't have, but I took his bait and pressed my lips against his. I went at him a little more forcefully and that's when things heated up. He lifted me up and carried me all the way to his room while he continued to kiss me. Skill.

He tossed me on the bed and pulled his shirt over his head while I watched and I waited. He liked to be in control do I always waited for him to undress me himself. When we were both stark naked he hovered over me and laid hot kisses all over. But something clicked in me. I didn't want him to be in control.

And as he kissed down my stomach while keeping eye contact I knew I shouldn't have let him but it felt way too good.

:::::

I groaned as I stretched in the bed. I had no time to sit around, so I got up quickly and went right to the bathroom for a shower.

I was in there no more than 15 minutes getting my life together and wallowing in regret. He shouldn't have come here and I should not have had sex with him. It was pure weakness and I prayed that he would understand that. I don't want to get back together. I felt bad for letting the feelings I still had for him cloud my judgment last night. No doubt he'd think this meant we were getting back together and everything would go back to the way it was. I was heavily at fault for not stopping when I had the chance.

I pulled my clothes on and prayed to God that he was awake and getting his things together. I pushed my phone into my pocket and I stepped out of the bathroom. My hopes were high but I was severely let down when I saw him chilling in my bed like he owned the place. I nearly facepalmed at the sight.

He looked at me and smiled as he approached. When he went to kiss me I dodge it and took a step back. "What's wrong?"

"This is wrong." I sighed. "It wasn't last night so what's the problem?" He asked.

"Last night was a mistake and I meant what I said. We aren't back together."

He sighed heavily and shook his head. "So that's it?"

"For now. I still stand on needing to mentally heal and I didn't forget about what you did. I didn't forget what you said."

"But you said you forgave me."

"I can and I'm sorry that I had sex with you. It was wrong on my part." I said.

"So that's it?"

"Yeah, that's it."

He nodded understandingly and he didn't bother to argue with me. While he went to freshen up I cleaned up my room and took up residence on the couch. When he came downstairs I walked him to the door somberly.

He placed his hand on my cheek. "Just...one last time?"

I stood on the tip of my toes and pressed a short kiss to his lips before opening the door. "I love you, you know that?" He asked as I walked away.

"Yeah I know, and I you."