Sargent Orsdale look deeply into my eyes, so interested in what I was about to confess.
"It was October. The 16th, the day after our wedding. We were at the hotel, about to leave for our honey-moon. We realized we both forgot our toiletries; tooth paste, hair brushes, shampoo. Plus we needed snacks for the 3 hour ride to the air port. I told him I was going to the store down the street. I was there for about 30 minutes getting everything we needed. When I got back to the hotel, I got out my key and opened the door. At first I didn't see him. I set the bags down on the counter. Then walked around the corner." I had to pause. "Then there he was. Laying on the floor. The knife was still between his chest and stomach. His nose was bloody. His face was covered in cuts. I've never seen so much blood. He was gasping. Trying to keep breathing. I got down on my knees and held his hand. All he said was my name...over and over. Blair, Blair, Blair." I was sobbing now, trying to make my words clear to the Sargent. "I called the police. But by the time they came it was too late. He was gone. And I couldn't do anything. His blood, running inbetween my fingers, under the ring..."
Sargent handed me the tissues and walked back around the desk to my left to comfort me. He out his hand on my shoulder. I couldn't help but bury my head into his chest and sob. I clutched my fist, feeling the ring tighten against my ring finger.
"Everything's going to be okay." Sargent Orsdale said, stroking my hair. "I promise." Makeup ran down my cheeks. I lifted my head and looked at the sargent once again. He grabbed a tissue and put it in my hand. "Let's just take a break. I'll be outside the do-"
"Please don't go!" i bursted out, at first not realizing I'd said it out loud. "Umm...I mean I'd really like the company, just if you don't mind. " Trying to hide a giggle, Orsdale sat back down in his chair.
For some reason, even though it felt very wrong, his eyes enchanted me. His presence was comforting. He was stong and powerful; I was weak and unstable.
"Sargent?"
"Call me Johnny."
I couldn't help but smile.
"Johnny? What am I going to do. Look at me. I'm nothing." Johnny stared at me, his eyes sympathetic.
"Don't say that, Blair."
"Why not, Sargent? So I can lie to myself and say I'm fine?" Johnny once again walked around the desk and sat in the chair to my right, and turned to face me.
"You're going to be okay. I know how you feel. See this, right here?" He pointed at a ring on his left hand. "2 years next month she'll have been gone. I've never had the guts to take it off. Blair, I understand and I'm here for you through this." I looked up at him, almost guilty for doubting his comprehention of my situation. He reached toward my hand. "You don't have to move on yet. it's still fresh in your mind. You just have to focus on what you have now, and what the future might hold."
A deadly silence fell in the room. We just sat and stared into eachother's eyes, trying to process everything that we had been through. "umm...well I guess I should get going." I cautiously said, shattering the tense silence.
"Here." He handed me a small, business card sized slip of cardstock. "If you need anything, call me."
I thanked him and hurried back home, slamming the door as tears welled up in my eyes. I knew this day would come. when it would hit me as hard as it could and i would break down. I was realizing he was gone and he wasn't coming back. I pulled the small card out of my back pocket.
"Johnny Orsdale - 5784417 - Cincinnati Police Department"
Looking up at the ceiling, I calmed myself. "it's time Blair. It's time" I thought aloud. I pulled myself up off the hardwood flooring. Twittling the ring on my finger, i walked up to my room. Too scared to not wear the ring at all, i searched for a neckalce chain with no ornimentation. When I found one, I slipped the ring into the chain, and latched it around my neck. It was time to face the facts. I was without Fredrick.
