Rejected Angel [ r e - w r i t i n g ] [rough draft]

Chapter 1- Solivagant

*has been rewritten*

(06/30/2016)

Chapter 1

Solivagant

"I'm lonely. And I'm lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be this lonely because it seems catastrophic."

—Augusten Burroughs

"This world that I live in is empty and cold/the loneliness cuts me and tortures my soul."

—Waylon Jennings

"Loneliness is my least favorite thing about life. The thing that I'm most worried about is just being alone without anybody to care for or someone who will care for me."

—Anne Hathaway

(This chapter has been edited)

[Solivagant: wandering alone]

Belle moved silently, not even one noise. Her feet just skimming the ground, and only the sound of chatter compounded the air as she was left out all alone. It hurt, to see the pack she once loved leave her out and despise her and abuse her. Eyes once alight with fire was now cold and empty and hard. A void of desolation, encumbered as the air was compounded by icy hate-filled glares.

"Isabelle." Her eyes lift to look at her father's cold and furious eyes, yet at the same time, agony and misery and pain, "Get out of here."

Belle stared, and her body moved. She was living as a hollow shell — no. No, she wasn't even living. She was just existing, without purpose. Without reason. Nothing was the same anymore.

Belle's father had buried his emotions deep down, the same way everyone else did. Constantly in grief, eyes like melancholy and the air was never happy anymore, never warm anymore. Laughter-filled air was replaced by an ice-cold chill that encumbered everyone. The house was no longer warm, no longer home. It was desolation. It was hell.

Mama, this place is no longer home. Belle thinks as her heart aches with grief, lips slightly turning up ruefully at the thought of her now deceased mother. Mama, what do I do? What do I do now that I have no one to turn to? What do I do now that you're gone? What do I do now that I'm all alone? Belle clenched her teeth and tears slipped down her face. Her mother's loss was still a seeping, bleeding wound in her heart, in everyone's heart. 

Weak. So stupidly, disgustingly weak. Belle berates herself but tears still continue to fall. It won't stop. I'm still weak and it still hurts and I'm still all alone.

"Your mother's gone Isabelle." Her father tells her darkly, a shadow looming over his eyes, but there was rage, grief and desolation around him, once golden and healthy skin had languished and was now pale. Belle wanted nothing more than to hug him, comfort him, to show him he still had her and Chris and the pack. Wanted to hug him so tight that all those feelings are transferred to him, show him that he can be happy.

"Papa... Mama's gone, but it's alright. She loved us and she would want us to be happy even without here and we can be happy without her! You still have Chris and the pack and me!" Belle says firmly and determinedly. She'll protect the pack that her mother loved, the family her mother loved and the family she loves.

"You? I still have you?!" Her father growled and he looks at her, his eyes filled with bewilderment and raging grief, there's a storm behind those eyes. A raging storm, one that can't be controlled, "I don't want you! I want my wife! I want my lover! My sun, my moon, my stars! And more than that, I want my mate! As for you child?" He chuckled darkly.