Closeted

Chapter 11

…

I wake up to the pounding annoying sound of my alarm and then throw on a pair of clothes I pull out from a laundry hamper filled with clean clothes I still haven’t put away.

I put on a black batman shirt, black skinny jeans, and white vans and then put in my black earrings and then proceed with my morning routine by brushing my hair and then brushing my teeth. I put on two squirts of cologne and then grab my backpack.

I hated being sixteen years old and still having to take the bus to school.

The bus pulls onto my stop letting out that loud annoying screech.

I walk onto the bus staring at everyone who was looking at me. I try to look for a seat with nobody in it being the antisocial person that I am. I settle for seat 6 to avoid having to go to the back of the bus and have people stare at me longer.

I sit in the seat and put in my headphones and began listening to Foster the People and rereading The Great Gatsby to keep me occupied. I put my backpack at the end of the seat to avoid people from sitting there even though they most likely wouldn’t want to sit next to me anyways.

I never know where to go once I get off the bus so I end up sitting at the very back table in the cafeteria avoiding everyone and starring at Nick from afar. We haven’t talked since last weekend at my house. Not even texted. I hated the long weeks we go without talking because we can never talk at school. 

I look away from Nick and then my eyes meet Logan’s.

I quickly look away but he walks closer. I take another look at Nick and his eyes are on Logan. He watches Logan as he takes a seat right in front of me then he looks at me then looks away. He begins talking to his friends again. That was awkward.

“You didn’t text me after hanging out loser!” He teased

“Uh- sorry” I let out

“I forgive you.” He said giving me a smirk that only revealed his left dimple.

“Are you going to Julia’s party?” He asked

I nodded. I realized I wasn’t being much of a talker but I was distracted by replaying Nick’s facial expression when he saw Logan walk towards me.

I began to feel bad until I realize he still hasn’t even broken up with Rachel.

“You’re reading The Great Gatsby?” He asked

“Yeah, well I already read it. It was just the only book in my backpack so I pulled it out.”

“Do you always sit alone?”

I nod

“Why?”

Maybe because if you haven’t noticed I don’t exactly have very many friends

“I don’t know” I say and manage out a little laugh.

I began digging my nails into my skin.

“Don’t do that!” He said grabbing my hand

“What?” I said acting confused

“My sister use to do that all the time and then I realize she was cutting herself…” 

“Oh…” I said letting out another nervous laugh

“Do you cut yourself Alex?”

“No?” I lied.

“Well that’s good.”

He takes notice of his regular friends that I didn’t know the name of and then looks back at me.

“Well I’ll talk to you later.” He said while getting up. He takes a long look at me then smiles. I stare into his blue eyes and smile back.

Nick takes notice of him leaving and then we make awkward eye contact.

I see him on his phone and then my phone buzzes.

“Go use the bathroom.”

I get up and make my way towards the bathroom but then I feel my phone buzz again.

“The bathroom by the gym” It reads.

Of course he wants to go to the one that nobody ever uses.

I walk all the way towards the gym and make a right into the bathroom.

It smells like literal vomit and sweaty t shirts. I take out the cologne from my backpack trying to hide the smell. I realize why nobody ever uses this bathroom.

I go into the stall and wait for Nick to show up.

I hear the bathroom door followed by footsteps, and then I hear Nick call out hello.

I open the stall and my eyes meet his. He smiles then it quickly fades.

“This is the first time we ever talked at school.” I point out

“Uh- Yeah… Alex… do you have feelings for Logan?”

I like how he’s so blunt about the reason he wanted to talk to me.

“I barely know him Nick…”

“But you look happy when you’re with him”

“I am just happy I had someone to come up to me so I didn’t look like a loser like I do half of the time.”

He laughed a little and then asked if I was sure I didn’t like him and I assured him by kissing him on the cheek and nodding.

“I just feel like you’ll go for someone like him.”

“What do you mean?”

“Because he’s out of the closet and ya’ll could be open and do the things we can never do like hold hands and kiss in front of people.”

“I can care less if it’s in front of people… yes it bothers me how much we have to hide but you’re worth it.” I smile

“You’re worth it.” He repeats my words and grabs my hand.

We both stare at each other letting out goofy smiles until we hear a door open and then our smiles fade when we realize it’s… Joseph.

Nick quickly drops my hand and then backs away from me, “Dude can I use the restroom without you coming on to me!” He lets out.

Is he really serious?

Joseph laughs, “You’re hitting on my friend again?”

“No… I-uh…” I stutter then I realize how stupid this is.

“Yes, Joseph. I’m hitting on your friend Nick here because he’s incredibly sexy and handsome and I just can’t keep my hands off of him. I am in love.” I hope he picks up sarcasm.

He stares at me then looks at Nick and then looks back at me.

“You’re a fucking weird kid.” He says then walks towards the urinal to pee.

“Stop starring at me bro!” Nick says again.

Is he seriously continuing this?

“Sorry, you’re just so hot.” I said then walk my way towards the door walking past Nick, I take the opportunity to smack Nick’s butt.

“What the hell!” Nick lets out while blushing.

I roll my eyes at him then walk out of the bathroom. 

It’s time like this where Nick annoys the shit out of me.