Broken Things

Chapter 25

SPOV:

My head was killing me. My tears hadn't stopped since Harry closed the door behind him. It took me everything I had not to chase after him, to hold him, but I couldn't. This wasn't okay and he needed to know that. I felt five thousand emotions all at once as I sank further into the couch. I had been hours since he left and I hadn't moved. The room was growing dark around me and I was cold.

I feared that I had taken the situation out of proportion and that I shouldn't have yelled at Harry the way I did. My mind was trying to convince me that I had a right to be angry but my heart, on the other hand, had me feeling guilty. I was split in two and the tears came harder the longer I thought. I needed to do something. I needed to stop.

I forced myself up from the couch and headed towards the bathroom. I ran the water for a shower, making it as hot as I could stand, and got undressed. I stood under the water, trying to believe that the water would wash everything away. When I got out, the thoughts immediately came back and I was miserable. Sleep was the only thing I could think of that would stop it. For a little while, anyway.

When I reached my room, memories came flooding through. I looked at my bed. It was unmade and unwelcoming. There was no way I could possibly sleep in it knowing that Harry was the last one in it. I was afraid of it. I was afraid that I would be able to smell him on the sheets and I would be a bigger mess than I already was. Tears threatened again as I quickly got dressed and left my room, closing the door behind me.

I drew the curtains over the windows in the main room and pulled out a blanket from a basket next to the fire place. I wrapped it around me and curled up on the couch. I was exhausted and I prayed that sleep would find me soon.

HPOV:

The plane took off down the runway and I was headed back home. I didn't want to go but I couldn't stay in New York. I would be too tempted to go to Stevie's. I would have looked for her every chance I got, but that's not what she wanted. She told me to leave. I had no other choice but to grant her wishes. He wanted time to think. I had only hoped that she would decide to come back to me in the end. I wish that I had told her what I had done. I did it with good intentions but she was right, she didn't need my help and I envied that. I needed her so much more than she needed me and I hated that I couldn't change that. I wanted, just one, to be the person she swore I was. I wanted to be strong but, without her, I didn't know how.

Before Stevie, I was getting by, but only just. Ever since the doctor, everyone was only taking the steps they needed to. The guys did everything they could but there were times when their words didn't help and, unfortunately, they knew that. Before, when I had these attacks, I was left alone. Sometimes, the guys weren't even allowed to talk to me. It was pathetic and I was fragile, or at least that was what the doctor had told everyone.

I hated it. I hated being this broken thing that had to take medicine and freaked out if I took on more than I could handle. Everyone would ask if I was okay and to save the looks, I would lie and tell them I was fine. That was until Stevie came along. She wouldn't let me lie to her about how I felt nor did she judge me when I cried. She took me seriously when I needed her to and laughed at my jokes. She was just so smart and brilliant and beautiful. I wanted to give her everything even though I knew she wouldn't take it. She saw what I wanted everyone else to see...and I hurt her, after everything she had done for me. I wished I could take it all away and go back to us but that option didn't exist.

I ran my fingers through my hair and screwed my eyes shut. I tried to figure out what I would do one I landed. I could go back to the house but that wasn't what I needed. I didn't need the interrogation and as much as I loved my mum, I knew that's what would be waiting for me. I fidgeted with my necklace and then remembered Zayn. Maybe he would let me crash at his place. Perrie was still in L.A. so I hoped it wouldn't be a problem.

I decided I would call him when I touched down. I let out a sigh and looked out of the cabin window. The sky was a hundred different shades of pinks and reds as the sun was setting. I checked the time on my phone and knew that I still had ways to go. After I lowered the shade, I closed my eyes and leaned back into the seat.