BIPOLAR SPIFF

The truth about Nensi

She cared
She just couldn't express it
Maybe she was scared
If she was, I guess she couldn't help it

She had never really experienced love before
She seemed so eager to feel it
A lot we could have been
She just couldn't see it

She saw it after high school
Maybe towards its end
That's cool
The essence I made her feel was nothing
But I know she wanted more too

I was a chicken
Damn right she was real
But my brain was too busy thinking about another mans appeal

If we meet again and things go some typa way
Would I make moves?
Hell yea!

I'd turn all that shit I said around
I'd never hesitate to hold her in my arms
I'd take her to a rooftop and play the sounds of Homosexual Smith
Hold her hand in a cave, torch in my other as I take her across a labyrinth

Do you still love her?
I thought she broke your heart?
.............................................................................
What is love?
Fuck do you think this is?
.............................................................................

We had feelings ... we just had no clue what to do with them
Like myself, I bet she had urges; but I thought it'd be bad if I fucked things up.
I was conflicted but the thought of her was I addicted
Was I really mad?

I loved her scent
Her eyes
Her sense
Her friends

It just hurt me to know they'd have a greater portion of her than I would
I was consumed by jealousy
Of chubby teddies she kept by her pillow
Cause I felt she'd rest her head on him but not me... I wasn't that fellow
Was it just to fulfill righteousness?
Was all this another game?
Even her best friend seemed a threat
I need not mention his name

I wanted more
I bet she wanted too
I hurt her once
On a whiteboard with things I felt were true
We made up a night after
First and last argument
Cause I was too cautious to even try

Try to hold her
Try to grab her by the hip and show her
Maybe a kiss without her permission
Cause if I never asked... I'd bet she'd wanted that in seclusion
But the law fought against seclusion
A boarding school
The land of confusion

Songs I wrote bout her on sleepless nights
I was an insomniac in the bosom of her image
Overly sensitive
But barely expressive
Four months of what would have been two years

From that first kiss with her eyes covering
To the last hug with a heart shattered
I bet a couple of times I didn't do what I was supposed to
It took a lot of emotion to write this
Even though getting over her... I had to wait
Cause I realized it was too late
Even the universe can debate
That these memories still hold some weight

She wasn't bad, neither was I
We just didn't know what to do
But who could blame us
We were just 12 graders with no clue.