Destiel - Finding Our Love Again

Without Him

Author Note: THIS IS A SEQUEL TO MY STORY 'Do You Love Me?'. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THAT STORY THEN READ IT BEFORE YOU READ THIS BECAUSE YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON!

Now I've got that out of the way I want to say welcome back and Heeeeeeyyyyyy!! I hope that you enjoy it!! xx

Chapter 1 - Without Him

Come on Cass, you can't leave me... Please don't leave me. I love you Cass.

The words that he muttered as he held the limp angel in his arms bounced constantly around his head. He couldn't stand the pain in his chest that they caused but neither could he think of a way to get rid of it.

Come on Cass, you can't leave me... Please don't leave me. I love you Cass.

They were relentless, never ending. Every second that ticked by without him made him more tired; angrier than he ever had been. He'd killed the son of a bitch that had taken his only love away from him but it wasn't enough to fill the void that had expanded inside him.

He just needed Castiel back. He needed to hold him in his arms and feel his breath against his chest as they lay together. He needed to hear him say that he loved him one last time; to say it back and see the blush extend across his cheeks and his eyes shine bright. He just needed him back.

Come on Cass, you can't leave me... Please don't leave me. I love you Cass.

It still hadn't happened though. He prayed every single day and nothing would answer. Silence would float through the room that they once shared. Dust would settle on untouched jumpers that Castiel had once worn; ones that Dean hadn't had the heart to move. Everything about the room said death but Dean couldn't even begin to consider that he'd never see his angel again.

Come on Cass, you can't leave me... Please don't leave me. I love you Cass.

Yet those words continued to echo around his head. Maybe it was because he hadn't let go but if that was the reason then they would never leave because Dean was never going to let go. He knew somewhere, right at the back of his mind, that Castiel wouldn't want him to be like this but he just couldn't bring himself to move on.

He just couldn't.

OoO

Sam saw what the death of Castiel had done to Dean and that, more than anything, was tearing him apart.

Everyday Dean would be worse. He wasn't sleeping; he wasn't eating and he wasn't hunting. Dean was strong; he'd lost many people but no one's death had affected him this much and Sam didn't know what to do. His brother was slowly killing himself and he didn't have the faintest idea what he could possibly do to relieve him of some of the pain.

Everything had been put on hold. The search for the horsemen's rings; saving people and Dean still wasn't alright. It had been 2 months 8 days and he wasn't better.

OoO

The loose grip that Dean had on the gun showed how tired and exhausted he was from crying; from being unable to sleep due to his own voice rattling incessantly around his head. It was all getting too much. About three days after Castiel had died he sneaked out the first time. Somewhere in the back of his mind he must have know that they'd never give him back. He had barely been able to make a deal for Sam the first time so he wasn't quite sure why he was trying.

He just had to. He couldn't be alone again. Not again.

That first time however, he was forceful and tried to negotiate but he had slowly tumbled downhill and by this point he was nearly begging.

"Dean Winchester," the girl said in a playful tone as she looked at the man stood before her. He was broken, that much she could see. His face was pale and sickly looking and his eyes were drooping shut even as he stood with a gun held in his cold and trembling fingers, "What could you possibly want?"

"You know damn well what I want you bitch," Dean managed to yell before he raised the gun and pointed it at her.

"Wow, someone's a little touchy," she exclaimed smirking at the man stood pathetically in front of her.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that. I'll kill you!" Dean yelled his hand wavering with the anger shaking inside him.

"Yes I know full well that you will," the girl muttered strutting around inside the demon trap that Dean had drawn for her, "We do talk Winchester. I know what you're after and you know what I'm going to say."

Dean's face hardened but his eyes filled with tears. He knew that this was going to happen but every night he would still sneak out of the house to dig a hole in a cross road and summon a demon. It was ridiculous and he knew it but somewhere in his mind he thought that one day a demon would come along who would give him back his true love.

"Please," Dean sighed, tears forming and falling from his eyes. The moonlight reflected off the trails of tears that skated down his cheeks, "Please, I'll do anything, give anything."

The girl laughed from inside the circle, "Watery puppy dog eyes don't work on me Dean. Your friend has gone, he's died and he's going to stay dead. Just give up and stop wasting all of our time."

Dean cocked the gun and pointed at the girl's head, "You know what's in here and you know it will kill you so just give him back."

"I can't Dean. Don't you get it? Your guardian angel is gone and Crowley has that to his advantage. You don't have someone to watch your back and he'd rather you were that way," she sneered looking into Dean's eyes.

"Just one day and then you can have my soul, one day," Dean begged looking at the girl stood in the centre of the trap.

Dean felt that sinking feeling; the feeling of desperation that he always felt when he knew that it wasn't going to work. He had only asked for one day! One day to see him again; to feel his arms around his chest; to kiss him and know that he was really there. Even one day would be perfect. He just couldn't live without him anymore.

The girl walked to the edge of the trap and looked right into Dean's eyes, "I wouldn't even bring him back if you offered one second."

A long bang echoed around the area as Dean pulled the trigger. The girl collapsed at his feet and orange light jittered and died at the point where the bullet had entered. Her blood flowed along the ground and over the demon trap.

He dropped the gun and fell to his knees, "Please, if someone, anyone can hear me, I just want him back. I'll do anything, give anything just please send him back to me!" the hunter yelled at the clouded sky.

The clouds opened up above him and ran poured down as Dean buried his face in his hands. Tears ran down his face and mingled with the rain on the ground as he collapsed in a heap on the cold tar.

"Anything!" the hunter screamed, lifting his head and looking at the rain cutting through the air above him, "I just want him back, please, please."

Author Note: So that was the first chapter of the sequel. I hope that it brought you back into the story again and that it kept you wanting to read more.