Destiel - Finding Our Love Again

Our Innermost Thoughts

Chapter 7 - Our Innermost Thoughts

Castiel's heart plummeted down in his chest as he waited for the questioning to start.

The room was eerily silent as he waited and waited. The sound of leaves skittering across car bonnets could be heard from outside and Castiel focused on it. The sunlight shimmered elegantly through the window and warmed Castiel as he sat stock still on Dean's lap breathing slowly and gently as he wished for someone to break the silence that was now killing him.

"Cass I-" Dean started but stopped as he realised that he didn't know what to say. He had been to hell and suffered through it but even the thought of Castiel being near the pits was worse than his whole experience in Hell over those 4 months that was 4 years to him. He knew full well what Hell was like and while he couldn't protect him from the experience he could keep him from reliving it. He tightened his arms around him so he knew that he was there.

"I'm just sorry that it took me so long," Gabriel sighed close to tears as he looked at his brother curled against Dean. He knew how hurt Castiel was. His youngest brother had always tried to hide how he really felt from everyone around him as he had been trained to do but Gabriel had always been able to read him and he was falling apart.

He looked at Castiel and saw that broken child that had searched for him long after he had left heaven; the one that had always been a fighter but had been forced back into place in the most painful ways possible.

When he looked at Castiel right in that moment he saw, not a man, but a scared boy who had been through too much too young. He'd found happiness but it was ripped from him again and he was trying so hard to push through but this time it was so much worse. Everything he'd been through hadn't begun to prepare him for the terror of Hell and knowing that it was his family, his own family that had put him there.

"I'm so sorry baby brother," Gabriel muttered as he stood slowly and walked out of the room. He couldn't sit in there anymore; it was just too much.

OoO

Castiel heard his brother's apologies and couldn't stop the tears that spilled over his eyelashes and down his face onto Dean's shirt. Sam's footsteps sounded as he followed the archangel out of the room to try and comfort him.

A few mumbled words crept through to Castiel's as Bobby and Adam stood and left the house.

Silence fell.

Dean didn't know what to say. Castiel's tears were soaking slowly through his t-shirt as he held the man close. He still hadn't fully taken in what Gabriel had told them; it all seemed so unreal, like a horrific nightmare that he couldn't escape. But, no matter how hard he pinched himself, he wouldn't wake up; he was still sat in a dusty and worn armchair with the man he loved curled in his arms crying.

It was the worst day of his life. Worse than the day he lost Sam; worse than the 4 years he spent in Hell; worse than all the pain he'd suffered smashed together and multiplied by ten because his angel, his Castiel had been in Hell.

"It hurt so much," Castiel muttered, his voice a deep gruff utterance. He couldn't keep everything in any longer because every second that it remained inside him it ate away at him more.

"Every day they would tear away at me until I no longer felt it and then they would make them scream. They would scream for my help, for me to do anything to ease their pain and they bombarded me with prayers that rang endlessly around my head. Every second felt like a lifetime. Then-" Castiel's voice cracked as he began to choke on the painful memories spilling from his mouth, "Then they'd do it to you. They'd stand you in front of me and they'd tear you apart a small section at a time. Your screams filled my ears and I-"

"Sh," Dean muttered as Castiel's body began to shake wildly as tears thundered from him, "I've got you now. I'm here and I'm fine, you'll never have to think about that ever again because I'll always be here I promise you now that I will never leave. You will never have to be put through that again. Never."

Castiel kept crying onto Dean's shirt as he let out everything that he had kept inside since his return. He let out all the pain and all the memories and just curled up, burying himself in Dean's warmth and letting himself feel safe once more in his arms. It seemed like it had been centuries since he last felt safe but when he was with Dean, no matter what was happening around them he always felt safe; it was as if they were in their own world.

His sobs died down and his body stopped to shake as his breathing returned to normal. Dean still couldn't let him go though. He wasn't going to let him go again because he feared that if he did he might lose him and nothing could prepare him for that horror again. It was worse than he had ever felt possible.

"Dean," Castiel mumbled, his breath warming the spot on Dean's chest where his head was laid, "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I didn't want to tell you I don't know why I just... I didn't-"

"It's okay," Dean interrupted softly, running his fingers through his hair softly while rocking him gently, soothingly, "I don't care that you didn't tell me; I don't even care if you were never going to tell me; all I care about is that now you are here with me. You have absolutely nothing to apologise for because you have done nothing wrong."

"I went against my father and my family-" Castiel mumbled before Dean interrupted him gently again.

"They aren't you true family. Family isn't purely your blood or true relations. Families don't throw each other into Hell if they don't conform to the path that they decide is the right one; they let each other decide for themselves. Family are the people who care for you, support you no matter what happens and stay by your side whatever you decide through good times and bad times. We are your family Cass and we will stay with you I promise."

Dean hated them all; every angel that had initiated it or even heard about what they were doing to Castiel because he didn't deserve any of it. Dean hated his brothers sometimes and on occasion he felt like punching them square in the face but he would never even begin to consider sending them to Hell. He wouldn't even wish that kind of mental and physical pain upon the scum demons and monsters that he fought.

"I'm just glad that we can rely on your dickhead of an older brother. That guy's starting to grow on me," Dean muttered kissing Castiel's head and smiling a little. He and Gabriel had their differences but they were quite similar; they were both older brothers just trying to look out for their younger brothers. They were both willing to sacrifice everything to keep them safe as to them, their family meant everything; they may not be perfect but they were worth sacrifices.

Castiel's heart swelled at Dean's words and he turned in Dean's laps to catch his lips. He breathed into the kiss and held him close not wanting to let go; wishing that that precise moment could last forever. In that moment they were close and intimate, understanding everything about each other and accepting each other's faults because they didn't matter. What mattered was that they had each other and they loved each other and nothing was going to change that.

They had both made sacrifices to get to where they were and everything was worth it because they were family and that's what family do.

Author Note: That was a lot of words for a scene that would have lasted maybe five to ten minutes in an episode. I have begun to add a lot of description to my writing. What do you guys think? Do you like my writing style?