Destiel - Finding Our Love Again

Can I Go On?

Author Note: Second chapter guys! I'm so happy that I'm writing this.

Chapter 2 - Can I Go On?

Dean just lay on the ground not wanting to get up. Not sure if he wanted to ever get up. He just didn't have the will power to go on anymore; Castiel was his everything and without him he wasn't a man anymore. At least not one that Castiel would ever love.

He couldn't bring himself to stand with the pain that was burning its way around his body. Everything seemed painful; every little thing when Castiel was there to stand beside him. He didn't want to do it anymore.

He couldn't kill himself. He couldn't leave Sam on his own.

It wasn't right. He had promised his Dad over three years ago that he would look after Sam and protect him no matter what and Dean couldn't do that if he was dead. He'd put on his brave face that he has been wearing for the past uncountable time and somehow find a way to cope without Castiel.

The biggest thing that Dean feared was that there wasn't one.

OoO

Sam hadn't seen Dean leave but he knew that he already had. He had done nearly every night since Castiel had died. Sam didn't know what he was doing or why he was doing it but he didn't have the heart to tell his brother to stop. He knew that Dean needed to find a way, anyway, to get over Castiel.

Sam was only ever worried that one day Dean wouldn't come back. He was completely heart-broken and the Winchesters weren't particularly well known for making good decisions after the deaths of friends and family. And to Dean, Castiel had meant everything. Sam knew that.

It had been over 2 hours since Sam had awoken and saw that Dean was gone and he was beginning to panic. It wasn't that he thought that Dean was going to it was more that he feared he had done something stupid and something evil was taking advantage of that.

"Bobby!" Sam called thundering up the stairs and into the older hunter's room, "Dean isn't back."

Bobby rolled over at the sound of the troubled hunter's voice and sat up to look at him, "What do you mean boy."

"Dean. He goes out every night, I don't what he does but he's never been longer than a couple of hours before. I think something might have happened."

Bobby sat up briskly and looked at the younger Winchester. He could see the sheer panic written all over his face and feel the worry he was currently radiating. The boys were close and when one of them was in danger the other did everything to pull them out of it. Bobby worried that this time maybe there wasn't a way. You couldn't save someone from them self.

"Get dressed and get Adam. We're going to save your brother."

OoO

Dean just lay at the centre of the cross roads with a blank expression as the rain continued to fall around him. Every droplet of rain that fell reminded him of the tears that had fallen since he had gone. Every second more rain fell and he asked himself why he was still living without Castiel. He never came up with an answer.

How could he think of a reason where there wasn't any happiness brought by the answer?

He couldn't bring himself to carry on. He'd promised himself that that was the last time he would beg for him back and he would move on if the deal wasn't made. He had promised himself but he just couldn't bring himself to do it; he would never let Castiel go.

And, if he couldn't do it, then he couldn't live on.

Lying in the rain next to a demons trap he had made the decision to die by his own gun and to find his love in heaven. He knew that he would eventually say yes to Michael if he stayed there and he couldn't let his brother see him so weak at a time when he needed strong people around him.