fixa

one

I know I hurt yoongi. I know I did it without thinking of the consequences. and I hate myself for it. I don't know what yoongi felt, hoseok never told me. but i could never feel so much pain, I don't ever want to. I feel so fucking bad I made yoongi go through that.

so here I am, sitting in the hospital waiting room. they're supposed to call me in and tell me when I can see him. I'm alone with his mother, because nobody else bothered to come. I explained most of what I knew to her, and I'm surprised she didn't hate me after that. but she just simply told me everyone is blinded by love and she didn't want her anger get in the way because she could tell we were meant for each other. I teared up after that.

a woman comes out of yoongi's hospital room, which I've been staring at for the last two hours, besides the clock. she walks over to us, preparing to talk.

"You can see him now. he should wake up soon. if he has any difficulties whatsoever please press the blue button beside him. keep anything sharp out of reach. if he doesn't remember anything, bear with him. you may go," She says, bowing a little after yoongi's mom thanks her. we stand up, slowly making our way to the room.

the room looks like it did when I woke up, except there was no pens or toothpicks or anything somewhat sharp anywhere. there's two seats sitting in the corner. i take one and sit it next to his bed, and I take the other and put it on the other side of his bed for his mother. she thanks me quietly, and we both sit down.

she takes hold of his hand, his small frail fingers fitting in his own big ones. which look paler, if that's possible.

I dont dare touch him. I can't. I don't want to hurt him again.

I sit there staring at him for what seems an hour, before yoongi's mom says she needs to go home. she offers me a ride, and asks if she needs to stay here.

"no thank you. I'll stay here and text you when he wakes up. I promise I'll take care of him," i reassure, and she leaves with reluctance.

I return staring at yoongi, and all I want to do is just sleep next to him.

so i do.

I carefully crawl into the bed, avoiding his body and any tubes or wires. I lay next to him, carefully putting my arm over his torso.

I don't really know what my plan is. I don't know if I just stay here, or if I want to sleep.

but I don't have the chance to decide because he moves underneath me, and he turns to his side facing me. he opens his eyes and little, putting a light arm around me.

"jimin," he whispers, closing his eyes again. he remembered.

i smile, rubbing his side a little. he snuggles in closer to me, and I make sure the iv stays correctly in his arm and the tubes stay perfectly attached. he snuggles into my chest, grabbing onto the fabric of my shirt.

we just lay like this until he speaks up.

"I've wanted to do this again for so long," he says quietly, and it sounds like he's crying.

"yoongi?" I ask. "what?" He says, signalling for me to continue.

"I'm so sorry. this is my fault. I'm sorry for hurting you. I promise I love you, only you. I love you so much. I rememeber everything," i say, and I can't even make sense into my own words.

"i dont know what I feel for you right now. but please don't leave me today, that's all I ask," he says, and I can hear the pain in his voice.

"i wont," i say automatically.

"it hurts so bad," he says. I raise an eyebrow.

"what does?" I ask, and I hear him sniffle.

"my arms hurt, my head hurts, my heart hurts everything just hurts," he says, and he cries.

"please, please don't cry yoongi. it'll be okay, I'm here to take care of you. I'll kiss every scar and make sure they don't hurt anymore. your head will be okay soon, they'll make sure of it. and as for your heart, i promise I'll help you heal it," i say quietly, and he curls his fists farther into my shirt.

"i dont care if that means i stay right next to you for the rest of my life loving you, or finding someone perfectly compatible because I know I'm not good enough. I'll do anything it takes to make you happy again," i say, and his crying stops.

I wait until he falls asleep, and I still wait after that. I can't bring myself to leave him yet. I don't ever want to.