fixa

two

yoongi had been long asleep when  a nurse came in to tell me visiting hours were closed. sadly, I had to leave. I don't want to leave, but they wouldn't let me stay.

the next day, they told me yoongi could come home as long as I kept an eye on him at all times and hid all pill bottles and sharp objects when we slept. I accepted the offer, of course.

they told me he'd still be a little tired and loopy for a couple more hours and his arms will be weak, but that's fine with me. i easily volunteered to do everything for him and stay with him until he's alright again.

yoongi is walking with me to my car, and he clings tightly to my arm the entire time. he looks frantic, cautious. something I've never seen from him before.

when we get to the car, we stand there for a second. I expect him to leave and get in the passengers side, but he doesn't. he stands right by me, still clinging to my arm. "yoongi, you gotta get in the car," i say. "oh," he says, reluctantly releasing me and walking to the other side of the car. we get in, and he sits with his hands in between his legs. I start the car, pulling out of the parking lot.

when we get home, I quickly get out of the car and open the door for him, helping him out. he clings to my arm, yet again, the entire way to our apartment.

"what do you want to do?" I ask, and he bites his lip. "please, can we just sit on the couch and sleep and cuddle?" He asks nervously, pulling the sleeve of his shirt down.

"yea, of course. you don't need to ask for stuff like this," i say, smiling at him. we walk to the couch, and I lay down. he lays on top of me, and I wrap my arms around him.

"i feel like I have to," He says, turning his head to the side as I turn on the TV.

"You don't have to, please know that," i say, petting his hair. he nods.

"You don't have to hide all the pills and stuff. I'm not broken, I'm fine," he says quietly.

"You can't say you're not broken, yoongi. you tried killing yourself," i say, and he sighs.

"i tried killing myself because I was hurt by the fact you didn't remember me, and then you left me. I tried killing myself because I wanted to be punished for hurting you. I tried killing myself because I had nobody left. but you remembered me, you're back now. I don't have intentions of killing myself any time soon," he says, and I sigh.

"You're not fine. you're so fucking scared now, you're hanging on to my every second you get. you have this look in your eyes. you've got anxiety and a personality disorder. you're obviously not okay," i pause, and he looks up at me.

"but i love you, and I'm willing to help you be happy again. I'll do whatever it takes," i finish, and tears form in his eyes. i bring my hand up and wipe the falling tears.

"Why are you crying?" I ask, and he sniffles.

"i want to tell you I love you again, but I can't," he says, sucking in a breath.

"Why can't you?" i ask, not sure if I want to know the answer.

"im too scared to love again," he says, and those words hit me like a.. train. I don't want yoongi to be scared. I want him to be okay.

"You weren't even supposed to love again," i say, shaking my head. "Not that I'm complaining," i add.

"But yoongi, it's okay. you don't have to feel bad. after all, this is my fault. but I'm here now, and I'll wait for fucking ever for you to love me again. don't force yourself into it, I promise I won't be frustrated," i say, and he nods.

"im a little tired," he says, yawning.

"sleep then," i say, and he nods, already falling asleep. I sigh happily, because I've missed this so much.