Remember

Chapter 41

"Hey Carrie, you need to go to bed early tonight." Coach Boone tells me as I'm getting my dinner

I give him a confused look. "Why?"

"We may or may not be getting up really early." He says quietly

"Ohh, okay." I say, catching on.

He winks at me before I turn around to go eat. Alan and the guys are already at the table eating.

"Okay, guys, I have some insider knowledge to leak." I say, leaning forwards. Gettysburg college had gotten new tables, so now we have to sit in clumps instead of rows.

They all lean in to hear.

"We're getting up early tomorrow. Like really early. So get some sleep." I tell them. They all nod gratefully. Alan discreetly wraps his arm around my waist as we eat. We're careful not to be all PDA because it's annoying when other people do it.

"Let's have a discussion we've never had before." Julius says as we eat.

We all look upon curiosity.

"What do you all want to be when you grow up?" He asks.

"What do you mean you don't know what we all want to be?" I ask. "How can you not know? We've been friends for over a year!"

They all stare at me blankly

"I know what you all want to be. Alan wants to be a lawyer, Rev wants to be a pilot, uhhh" I trail off when I get to the rest.

"Yeah, that's what I though." Says Julius pointedly

The whole table laughs, and I notice tables around us looking over in jealousy, probably wanting to be in our group.

"Well, what do you all want to be then?" I ask

"I want to be a professional football player." Julius says to us all.

We chuckle, knowing he's probably the most likely to be able to do that.

"I want to be a CEO of a big company." Louis says next

"What kind of company?" I ask

"A food company."he replies dreamily, making us laugh

"What about you Petey?" I ask

"I don't know."he shrugs. "Maybe a teacher or something. Alan, do you really wanna be a lawyer?"

"Not exactly." He says.

I look at him in surprise.

"I want to be a defense attorney." He says

I scoff " So a lawyer"

"Defense attorney" he corrects again

"Oh yeah, what do you wanna be then miss know it all?" Julius asks

"A detective." I say

"A female detective?" Asks Perry doubtfully

"A female football coach?" I ask in reply

"That's different." Points out Louis

"How?"I ask angrily

"This is high school. That's real world dangerous business." Says Julius. "They'll never let a girl be a detective because it's too dangerous."

"They will. I'll be a detective." I assure them, stabbing a piece of lettuce with my fork angrily.

"Alan, tell her they won't let her be a detective." Rev insists.

Alan sighs and looks at me guiltily.

"Don't you dare." I warn

He goes to speak, but sighs and turns back to the group. "I can't"

They all groan in annoyance.

"She'll slap me if I do." He says defensively.

"Wait, that's why you can't say it? Because I'll slap you? Not because you believe I can do it, but because you're afraid of how I'll react?" I ask angrily

He guiltily stares at his food.

"I'm going to bed. We're getting up early." I say, unwrapping his arm from my waist and grabbing my empty food tray angrily, dumping my trash in the bin and storming off.

I take a quick shower, only five minutes so that I don't use up all the hot water, then stand in front of the sink to take off my mascara. I stare at my outline in the foggy mirror and wipe away the steam so that I can see myself clearly. I stare for a long while, wondering how my gender could possibly affect my job performance. I throw my hairbrush into the sink in frustration and sit on the counter, pulling my legs up and wrapping my arms around them. Not even my own boyfriend believes in me. I hop off he counter and punch the wall in frustration,only to feel shooting pain go up my wrist, making me whimper in pain.

I take it off and brush my teeth and walk out of the bathroom

I'm perfectly fine with going straight to bed, but Alan is waiting for me outside the bathroom. 

"Not now." I say, brushing past him angrily. 

He catches my hand as I walk by, and I try to yank it out. 

"Caroline" He says gently, pulling me back. 

"Not right now, I'm still pissed." I say, trying to avoid a fight. 

"Why are you pissed?" he asks. 

"Nobody believes that I can do this, not even my own boyfriend." I reply bitterly. 

"Look I think you could do it, if the world wasn't so anti-woman." He tries to explain. 

"Well it is anti-woman, and I'm still gonna do it. So there." I say, yanking my hand free and storming back to the dorm. 

"Carrie!" He calls after me, keeping pace. I stop again, before he catches everyone's attention with his yelling. 

"I'm sorry. You're right." he says, grabbing my hand again. 

I wait for him to continue. 

"If any woman can become a detective it'll be you. You're the most stubborn and determined person I know." He continues. "I love that about you. You can get anything done, no matter how big the task. I aspire to be like that."

I'm quiet for a while, not knowing what to say. 

"Come here." He says, pulling me into a hug. "I shouldn't have said that you can't do it because I know you can." 

I hug him back tightly, feeling slightly bad for getting mad. 

"I love you" I mumble into his shoulder.

"I love you too" He tells me. He kisses the top of my head. "Come on. He wraps his arm around me and we walk to the bunks together.