esoteric ↯ dean winchester x reader

xliii.

Dean washes his hands in the bathroom sink, he couldn't look at himself after what he'd done. After a while he looks in the mirror and sees his reflection. When he looks again he sees Castiel, face all bloody. When he blinks, Castiel is gone and you stand there, scared of him and bloody. Dean looks away, troubled and scared himself.

He continued to wash his hands, trying to wipe the blood, shame and guilt off. He looks up again and sees Rudy in the mirrors reflection. He washes his hands more vigorously and looks away, visibly upset. He couldn't do it. He couldn't stop the urge to hit everything. He punches the mirror, slams the phone off the wall throws the TV to the floor and proceeds to thoroughly trash the motel room. When he is done he is breathing heavy, why couldn't he stop himself?

~

You and Sam in FBI attire cross police tape outside the crime scene and walk towards an ambulance. Crystal, the only witness left is sitting inside, in shock, being attended to.

"He just let him die.... He just let him die.... Just let him die..." She repeated over and over.

"What did he do.." you muttered, scared yourself. You two walk into the shack where the murders took place and stand next to the Sheriff.

"Agents!" The Sheriff called you over, "Maybe you can tell me what in the hell is going on here."

Rudy and another man, upon inspection you suspect he's the vampire Dean was after, dead on the floor of the shack. As the Sheriff is talking his voice becomes less and less relevant to the thoughts you're consumed with.

The way the girl outside tells it is one of your boys came in hot, got his partner killed, then went some kind of samurai on that son of a bitch over there. I knew that boy...

~

You both stayed silent, avoiding the only subject you have to speak of now. After leaving the crime scene, and getting back to the motel in your comfortable clothes now, was all spent in silence. You both knew how bad this was.

He drove you guys down a road, but you finally broke the silence when you saw the Impala parked outside a random motel.

"Sam, stop! The Impala." You hit his arm for his attention. He pulled into the parking lot as soon as he could, rushing out of his seatbelt and going to the door, gun in hand. But you were the first there, knocking already.

"Dean, its me." You pressed your ear to the door, "Sam is with me, please open up."

When there is no answer Sam breaks open the door and sees a broken chair by the door. He pushes in and turns on the lights and takes in the rest of the trashed room. You step over broken glass and thrashed bed covers and feathers. The only thing left in tact was a pair of keys and a note left on the bed. Sam picked up the keys, and then the note which reads 'She's all yours'.

"This is bad, Sam." You said, reading the note from beside him. "There's no way he'd leave Baby behind. He's getting worse."

"I know." Sam tried to snap back into the reality of the situation, "This room looks like a tornado went through it."

"I think that's the least of our worries.." You focused in on yourself. Trying to take a hold of everything, closing your eyes. When you opened them everything was fixed and put away where they needed to be.

"You're getting better at that." Sam looked shocked around the room.

"I'm trying to control it." You explained, "But I don't want to be cleaning up his mess forever. Where do we go from here?"

"Can you find him? We're warded but maybe you can overpower it?" Sam asked, being reminded that you had powers. You closed your eyes and tried, but it was like a ghost router bouncing off thousands of places.

"I don't think that's how it works. I can't." You said. Sam nodded.

"Alright then, let's keep moving then." Sam ushered you out of the room. While leaving, his cellphone rings. "It's Dean."

"Dean." Sam answered.

"Put it on speaker." You whisper shouted at him, but Sam put a finger up. But you rose your eyebrow at the disrespect and manipulated the phone to put it on speaker anyways.

"I gave it a shot, Sammy." Dean said. It felt so good to hear his voice. He sounded like himself again.

"Listen to me -- whatever you're doing, whatever you've done, please-" Sam tried to talk but Dean talked over him.

"Hell, I even worked a case. I gave everything I had to beat this thing down."

"I saw. I saw Rudy." Sam told him.

"Well, then, you saw what I did." Dean responded, sighing his regrets.

"No, that wasn't you." Sam fought.

"Sure as hell felt like me." Dean dove-tailed at the end of Sam's sentence. "Brother, I'm done."

"No. No, you're not. Dean." Sam stopped him.

"Grab a pen. It's time to say goodbye."

~

You stayed silent, knowing that Dean was the smartest hunter out there. He called Sam thinking he was alone. So you would be the second wave if Sam wasn't working in bringing him home. The Impala pulled to up the restaurant where Dean and Death are.

It's daylight now. Sam walks in and stops suddenly when he sees Dean standing in the middle of the restaurant with Death standing behind him.

"Hey." Sam says, standing alone. You stood outside a boarded up window listening as a guardian angel. Sam prayed that Death couldn't sense your presence.

"Sam." Dean exhaled. This was real.

"What is this?" Sam asked, not understanding.

"We need to talk." Dean stood tall.

"Whatever you are thinking of doing, don't." Sam approached him, reaching out his hand, "There is another way. You don't need to go with him. You don't need to die!"

"Funny you say that." Dean said, which made you nervous. You couldn't lose him, "Truth is, when I left, I thought the only way out was my death. Well, I was wrong, Sam."

For only a second your heart was relieved. Dean had paused. Your heart longing to hear his voice again, have his hand in yours, his lips pressed against yours, have his head in your lap, and just listen to him talk. As stupid as it is you wanted him to laugh. You needed to take him home with you and Sam and Cass. He had become your home.

But his voice said one of the only things you never wanted to hear him say:

"It's yours."