esoteric ↯ dean winchester x reader

xxxv.

He was actually sweating and he never sweated girls. You guys had already had sex twice, he shouldn't be so nervous when you knew practically everything about him already. Or at least seen everything. But still his heart skipped beats. He rolled his eyes at himself and gave himself a small pep talk before trying to knock.

"You got this." He mumbled, "You've done this before. She's just a girl. Normal girl.." he placed his head on the wall opposite of the hallway, "A really pretty, kind, funny, powerful woman- I-I can't do this." Dean began walking away then stopped himself, "Yeah you can, pfbt. You already know she's attracted to you. You can take care of someone who's in pain. Sam's in pain all the time, and you've been takin' care of him forever."

He stared at the door, realizing he couldn't move his wrist to actually knock, "I fight monsters for a living." He reminded himself. He literally fought off a Tulpa when he met you. Why did you make him so much more anxious?

Then he did it, he knocked. He actually knocked. He waited there a moment until you could get out of bed to open the door ever so slightly enough just to pop your head out.

"Dean?" You looked at the clock, it was only 10 even though it felt much later. His eyes lit up, and his pupils dilated when he saw you. You were in your comfy pjs, with your hair falling all over your face but still he just loved to see you.

"Hi." He managed to get out, "Mind if I come in?"

You were still a little peeved after his comment earlier about how you, quote: Oh, well, we- we aren't- we haven't- you know- um, end quote. But you also couldn't blame him, that talk hasn't happened. You hadn't even gone a date which was normal for people. But neither of you were exactly normal.

"Sure, sure." You nodded, getting out of a trance of looking at him, a habit that needed to be broken. You opened the door up to him and closed it after he passed inside.

"How are you doin'?" He asked, standing next to the bed.

"I'm fine. I should be asking you that, I mean, with the book gone and everything." You said going back to stand across from him, leaning on your desk.

"We'll find another way. We always do." Dean rubbed his arm, and stepped a bit closer to you.

"It's nice to hear your optimism. Not a normal trait of Dean Winchester." You teased.

"Yeah, well. I figure, life's gunna go down the toilet whether I'm happy or not. Might as well try to hold onto the good things while I can." He told you, uncomfortably standing in the middle of the room.

"I like that." You sat on the bed, looking for a more comfortable way to casually talk to him, "So, was there a reason for your late night visit?"

"Not really." Dean shrugged, then corrected himself, "I mean, I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?" You asked.

"You." Dean said, sitting next to you, "I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"I'm alright, are you okay?" You asked, this was really out of character for him.

"I am." He got embarassed, "Yeah, of course. I just-uh- wanted to let you know that if you ever want to talk, I'm here for you. About anything, anything at all."