Learning to Love Me

I have you... always

Dear Dairy,
He seemed out of sorts... was that the right word? Was I moving too fast with my feelings? I mean... I just lost my family and...
Really? Your family never gave 2 fucks about you... how long will you keep your head in the sand? All they needed from you was your money and your kind nature.
What fucking family? .... you have a fresh start now, stop back tracking you dumbass...

Well, how can you argue against yourself... which is only screaming out the truth? The truth that you don't want to see.

Another day, another hour. Another source of confusion with a side of loss and grief.

Day 6

After all that drama, I guess it seems pretty normal just how exhausted I was which allowed me to rest. Not only that but rest in safe and secure arms. Maybe all this was just a sign, something that was put into my life for a reason... I mean, i had to be out through all this heartache for a reason.

What are you overthinking for?... okay so you were handed off to this family as collateral. That's not the worst thing to possibly happen. Who knows, they seem more than welcoming towards you. Something you have missed, well stolen from you so far in life... isn't it time for you? . Besides this man, seems genuinely interested in you
..

It seems that my internal battles are constantly overwhelming my senses that I do not notice him, pecking all around my face to grab my full attention.

"Earth to my love, hello anyone in that beautiful mind?"

"Sorry, just running a lot of different thoughts this morning, on a different note last night was one of the best sleep I managed to get"

There was many different emotions running in a course of few moments as he processed what I said, did I make any sense at all?

The more I seemed to over think all this again it's not long before I'm brought back to reality from a loud roar of laughter filling the bedroom.

"Haha!!!..... stop worrying love. I understand completely"

Before I get the chance to utter a single word I'm swept away by the softest touch and overflowing sense of , love? Is that what im feeling. His lips seems to embrace mine with such adoration? Is that the correct explanation?

There you go again..... enjoy it!

I've never been kissed before so my experience with such action nor emotion can't be what is happening. I mean. We only just met and yet I feel like we've known another for some time.

<If you haven't notice..i tend to move my attention and thoughts around....sorry>

Just as I was enjoying this new sensation he removed his lips from mine only to leave behind the loneliness of his touch, the urge for more.

"Sorry, I don't want to rush you... I want you to open yourself to me when you are ready. In your own terms. But, pecks here and there would be lovely" he winked at me as he gone to change for the day.

Change..... omg, I am still in my pjs. Wait.... why is he changing? It's only 9am. Wasn't he acting a little off earlier? Wait.... aren't I suppose to meet his family this morning.

What are they doing today..
Living there life without you! Let them go! They let you go remember?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!

[My family... my old family... my... they... them... people... life.]

I couldn't help but imagine how they started this day officially without torturing me like they did. The one who helped them through it all... the one who sacrificed it all for her family..!!

So lost in a trance that I didn't feel the constant stream of tears rolling down my eyes. But he did.

Soon enough I was engulfed by securing and reassuring arms... with 4 words that broke me to my deepest soul...

"I have you....always"

At long last, someone has me, someone cares for someone like me. Will it be enough? Am I worth it? Will it last? Is this only for a period of time?

You are no longer alone

Alone.
Was I not alone now?
Was I alone?
Is being with me.... going to make him alone as well?

Only time will tell.