Learning to Love Me

I'm Fine.

1/24/17

Dear Diary,

        I did this to myself. I made my family leave me. I did not do enough. I... I.. let myself be plucked down from the sky. No family... what can I do dairy? Will this person help me?.. Can i help him?.. Will I be enough? I can help.. I know I can. 

Another day, another hour, another minute, another feather falling. I've lost my footing. I've lost. Lord I am grateful for you to give me my family but it's because of me that I lost them. 

DAY 2(broken...)

As I made my way into the limo. limo? even strange for me to even mention. From this man phoenix. The tears.. wouldn't stop... so many memories flowing down my cheeks, out of my eyes down to the bottom of my being. Why did this occur to me? How did i mess up so badly that my family no longer wanted anything to do with me? The sear pain shot through my very soul.. was this a test from god only to see if I would come to hate my family?... no maybe my family had no other choice and were force to do what they did without telling me... yeah that could possbly be. I could begin to feel the burning sensation from my eyes and the sting from each tear that withdrew from me. All my faults coming racing out of me. Why! just why! I knew that all the tears out of the sea would not reunite me what i lost all i can do is push forward with whatever strength i have left.. At  this moment i felt a warm hand wiping the tears from my eyes...... as I look up to see him, the saddest expression i have ever seen paralyzed me from looking anywhere else.... was this my or his sadness? then the words... 

"you okay angel?"

I didn't want to reply.. how could i? but i felt that if I did not i would explode into the apidamy of agony and allow myself to the entrance of the asylum of death. so i built up the strength and replied....

"I'm Fine" 

As the minutes flew by  I found myself lost in my own thoughts that i didn't hear the words "your safe now," "your going to enjoy life now.""your my life now" Why would he feel this way for me? Am i really that amazing...no no i am not. It felt surreal of how i was now a stranger to my fam... to the house i just left to a new home which is more foreign to me than i was to my old family. 

As time moved by in the limo i began to notice this hot feeling on my neck, and the hairs on the back of my neck standing up. What is going on? Why am i feeling so alerted. is that the correct word i wanted to say, the heavy atmosphere was truly deadly, it felt so thick that you could just pick it up from the air. 

Should I talk to him? Maybe not? 

"love?" the touch on my cheek ever so gently completely took me by surprise. 

"h-huh?!!" I jumped what seemed like 2 feet but we all know thats not true. 

"No need to be so tense, you are safe now."

"w-why do you..why are you repeating that?"

He was such a strange men that i just meat hours ago and now going to live with. How can life be so unknown. From the moment he met my eyes, me he seemed like the happiest human in existence, isn't that a funny joke. His eyes.... seem so clear of any worry only full of an emotion i do not know, it is such a warm emotion. I feel oddly safe in his gaze and warm. Is that the heat I was feeling on my cheek? Lost back in my own thoughts i didn't see how he moved even closer to my side, as far as holding my hand and the other over his heart. 

"listen, i am here for you now, no one will want to harm you. you are an amazing person and it is time that you knew that about yourself. it's time you learned to love yourself... it is your chance to be the one in the center. Now relax. we are almost there princess." 

Just from that i felt reassured, why? no idea, how? even further from any understanding i could possibly fathom.  then i do not know why or when but i felt myself cuddle next to this man and fall alseep on him onto my new journey. but one last thought which was running in my head was the statment he gave me...

            "learn to love yourself" what does that imply? what is that expression? What can it possibly mean?