Forever and Always

Kabanata 1

Kabanata 1

"Please, don't leave me."

"Please.."

"Don't!"

"Mads, wake up!"

"Maddie!!!"

Napabalikwas ako dahil sa panggigising sakin. Ni hindi ko alam na binabangungot na pala ako.

"God, you'll be the death of me!" Hysterical na sabi ni Caloy.

"I'm sorry." Wika ko at doon ko lang din napagtanto na tumutulo na luha ko.

Niyakap naman niya ako. "Ssh. Mads, everything will be okay."

We stayed like that for an hour saka niya ako inalalayan humiga. It's 3 in the morning and I'm having nightmares again.

Did you know that loneliness is when you wake up at 3 in the morning from your dream that she once again visited? Then tears suddenly flow and your chest suddenly aches. You close your eyes while your tears are falling, wondering when will the pain end, or if it will ever end. Then you wake up with your wet pillow-- you cried yourself to sleep again.

I was thinking of what went wrong, of why do I deserve this kind of pain, of how will I start again. How could I ever start again?

I keep reminding myself that, Mads, you gotta be strong. This isn't the end yet. Kaya mo yan.

"Mads, you have to sleep." Wika ni Caloy. "It'll be a long busy day tomorrow."

I didn't say anything. I silently cried until I fell asleep again. I woke up with a gloomy mood. I saw Caloy getting ready na that's why I stood up.

"Gigisingin palang sana kita." Sabi niya pagkakita sakin.

I smiled. "Good morning."

She just smiled and I did my routine. Caloy became my confidante after what happened. She voluntarily stayed by my side through my worst. Jamie on the other hand went back to States.

"Si Jamie? Di magtatry out?" Tanong ni Caloy sakin paglabas ko ng cr.

"Hindi yata pumayag si Marcus." I said while picking my duffel bag.

"Ganun.." Wika niya. "San mo gusto kumain?"

"Ally's."

I stayed at Caloy's condo. The doctor adviced me that I should stayed with someone para maalis nightmares ko but unfortunately, mas lumala pa yata.

We went to Ally's to eat our breakfast bago pumunta sa tryout. BaliPure sent me an invitation same as Caloy. Nahihiya akong tanggihan ang tryout, so we decided na to  tryout pa din.

BaliPure was my former teammates team now. It's like an Ateneo Lady Eagles team but with a twist. They had Ennajie and Ria and etc.

"Ready ka na ba makita sila?" Tanong ni Caloy.

I sighed. "No."

"Gusto mo magback out tayo?"

"I don't know."

"Mads, sabihin mo lang ano gusto mo."

"You won't leave me naman diba?"

"Never."

Tinuloy na namin kaysa sa umuwi kami ulit. Ang balak lang namin ay magtry out. Pocari sent us an invitation too.

Papasok palang kami ng blue eagles gym, dinig na namin yung ingay nila. Maybe they were too happy? But my heart says no, Mads. Don't be too dramatic.

When we entered, Ate Ella immediately run to me and hugged me. I didn't know how to react so I looked at Caloy and she nodded.

"Mads, I missed you!" Ate Ella said while hugging me.

"Baby!" Ate Dennise, she hugged me. "One year ka walang paramdam samin."

"Sorry." I said.

Nagsilapitan naman yung iba sakin. "Akala ko hindi mo papansinin yung invitation namin sa inyo."

"Can we start the tryout already?"

"Bea.." Ate Aly trailed.

I smiled. "Magpapalit lang po kami ng damit."

Caloy and I went to the cr to change clothes. Every single day I always wanted to see her. Pero masakit pala talaga.

"Okay ka lang?" Tanong ni Caloy.

I nodded. "Yes."

We went back to the gym and started the tryout. My mind wasn't in focus that's why Caloy talked to me again. I don't know what was I thinking pero naayos naman na.

We played like we were teammates. Bea and Jho's blocking is on point. I was trying so hard enough para maiwasan yung block nila and luckily I did. So, we were two points ahead.

"Nice one!" Caloy said with a side hug. I laughed.

I went back in front and saw Bea's cold looked at me. I just shrugged it off. The ball was received by Gizelle so I had to set it up and I choose Caloy.

She scored and we won. She went to me agad and hugged me.

"Nice, you can set up na din pala." Wika ni Gizelle.

"Thanks." I said.

Inakbayan ako ni Caloy papuntang bleachers kung nasan ang gamit namin. She was teasing me for being a pro setter a while ago.

"You should've seem your face." Natatawa niyang sabi.

I just shook my head. "Get over it, Carlos."

She laughed. "I can't, Madayag."

I was about to say something when Ate Ly approached us.

"Mads, Caloy, tara sama kayo kumain samin?"

Nagkatinginan kami ni Caloy. "Sorry, phenom. May lakad kasi kami."

"Ate Ly, let's go. Wag mo na pilitin yung ayaw." Bea interrupted.

"But--"

"Okay lang, phenom." Caloy said. "May pupuntahan pa kasi kami."

"Saan kayo pupunta?" Ate Den interrupted.

"Sa Pampanga po."

"Anong gagawin niyo dun?" Ate Ella asked.

"Bibisita po sa pamilya ko."

"What?" Tanong ni Ate Den.

"We have to go na po." I interrupted.

Caloy got my duffel bag and her. Naglakad naman kami palabas ng gym. Nagsisisi ako na lumingon pa ako pabalik dahil nakita ko kung paano hinawakan ni Bea yung kamay ni Jho.

I closed my eyes and felt the pain in my chest. God, kailan ba matatapos 'to? I did everything naman to keep her, to stay at her side pero anong nangyare?

We went to Gesu before leaving my alma matter. Caloy was too quite na nakakapagtaka.

"Okay ka lang?" Tanong ko.

"Mads."

I looked at her. "Hmm?"

"Siguro panahon na para balikan mo naman yung sarili mo."

Napakunot noo naman ako sa sinabi niya. "What?"

"Balikan mo na yung, sarili mo na naiwan mo. Yung sarili mo na napabayaan mo dahil labis na pagmamahal sakanya."