Forever and Always

Kabanata 10

Kabanata 10

There are things in life na kahit anong gawin mo hindi mo maiintindihan. Sometimes it's okay na hayaan na lang but you'll realize nalang na yeah it's okay but may kulang.

"Nageemote ka nanaman."

Napahawak ako bigla sa dibdib ko dahil sa gulat. "Donya!"

She chuckled. "Baby besh, what's wrong?"

I shook my head. "Wala po."

"C'mon, Beatriz! Sakin ka pa ba maglilihim?"

"I just thought na okay na siguro yung ganito."

Napakunot noo siya. "Okay na ano?"

"Okay na, na wala siya sakin."

"Finding someone worth it isn't the easiest thing." She smiled. "Amazing couples isn't like fingernails. It should be like a tree, it has a strong foundation."

"And we don't have that, right?"

She shrugged. "I don't know."

I sighed. "I just thought na ours is true love."

"The journey to true love is difficult. There's so many heartbreaks, loss of both faith and hope."

Napalingon kami ni Ate Ella sa nagsalita, it was Babba Alyssa with Therese. Gosh, my batchie is here!!

She smiled at us, "But true love will make you feel like you finally understand everything. Na kahit sobrang nasasaktan ka na, you'll always look at the brightside. That, this hope for a happier tomorrow brings you more confidence. It makes you feel like you have some control over your life."

"Pero yung problema most love stories doesn't end this way." Sabad ni Therese. "'Cause, most love stories end in heartbreak. Each time your hearts break, we change. We harden our hearts a little bit."

"Just like what you did to Jho?" Tanong ni Ate Ella.

She smiled. "Maybe? I was tired of the pain, the broken promises and the lies; I was tired of getting my hopes up only to be abandoned all over again."

Babba Alyssa smiled. "No, trey. Love is a beautiful thing."

Ate Ella butted in, ".. — that is, until you begin to fear it."

I sighed. "Loving is easy naman when you don’t understand other people’s hopes, desires and fears. It’s easy to love when you don’t know how to love."

"But, love is a leap of faith and hope." Therese said. "There's no guarantees. Na kahit walang flaws yung relationship niyo, it always has a chance of ending."

"Ang bitter mo, trey." Ate Ella butted in again.

Trey just didn't mind ate Ella, "Maybe this ending won’t be your choice; life has other ways of taking those we love from us.”

We all sighed. Therese isn't vocal on what she really feels, wala kaming alam sa nangyayari sa buhay niya. Kagaya ni Maddie, she was a year and a half missing in action.

"But, Bei. Life isn’t about avoiding pain rn." My forehead creased.  "It’s about living your life the way you need to live it. It’s accepting the person you are, accepting what you really need, and going after it."

"I totally agree!" Ate Ella butted in once again. "But if you really want her back, it’s about having faith in yourself and believing you can make things happen."

"I'll work on that po."

”You have one life to live, Beatriz." Babba Alyssa said. "Don’t be the person who regrets not taking a risk. Allow yourself to be happy again."

I hugged her. Babba Alyssa is all I need. Jho's truth slap was helpful, but this one, definitely, will be use.

"Umagang umaga napakadrama niyo." Bungad ni Ponggay samin.

Kasama niya yung iba naming teammates. But, Maddie isn't here. Napakunot noo naman ako.

"Nagpaalam si Maddie na she can't attend the practice today." Ate Mona said.

What?

"Is she with Tots?" Tanong ni Ate Amy.

"Yup!" Ponggay butted in. "Sinundo siya kanina."

"Yes! Tots was bringing pancakes and flowers for Maddie." Ria said. "Sobrang sweet!"

I closed my eyes. Masakit pala, masakit pala na marinig na may iba ng napupusuan yung teammates po para sa taong mahal mo.

The morning drills went on, I wasn't on the mood kaya sa spike ko binuhos lahat. I don't know, basta alam ko nasasaktan ako.

Nang natapos na yung training dumiretso agad ako palabas para makahinga naman ng maluwag. Hindi ko alam pero napadpad ako sa seaside ng MoA. And right there, I saw Maddie with Tots. I held my necklace and closed my eyes.

I think about her constantly. I still wonder what my life would be like if she was still here. I still imagine all of the things I wanted to say. I imagine all of the different adventures we would have gone on.

I never wanted to forget her, I never wanted to lose her.. maybe, Therese was right. That our ending won’t be our choice; life has other ways of taking those we love from us. But, still.. I wonder who I would be if she was here. I miss her all the time. I miss her so much that my heart hurts.

Time's supposed to heal all wounds but, as time goes by, parang nasasanay nalang ako na wala siya. Na I won't be complete anymore. Maybe she will never know that I still cry for her. I still sit up at night and wish that she was here. I can't help but want her here. Life has moved on but my heart and emotions haven't.

It was my fault, alam ko. But, sana she knew na I didn't wanted that accident. I hope she knew that I wanted to kill myself for hurting her this bad..

I opened my eyes and was shocked when I saw Isa Molde looking at me. "Akala ko di ka na didilat."

"Gosh, Molde!" I hissed.

She laughs. "Ang lalim ng iniisip mo eh."

"What are you doing here?"

"Ay, sayo ba 'tong seaside?"

"Ewan ko sayo."

She laughs again. "Hindi mo pa ba naaalala lahat?"

My forehead creased. "What?"

"Ang sabi ko, hindi mo pa ba naaalala si Maddie?"

Napaubo naman ako bigla sa tanong niya. "What do you know?"

She shrugged. "Ano ba dapat kong malaman?"

I mentally face palmed. "You're getting into my nerves na."

She just laughs. "Cute mo pala mainis."

"Ew, go away."

She laughs. I raised an eyebrow. "Don't laugh just to pretend you're okay when you're not."

She looked at me. "How'd you know?"

"It takes one to know one."

She smiled. "Wala ka pa ba talaga maalala?"

"Bakit?"

"Baka pwede mo ng bawiin si Maddie kay Tots?"

"Why?"

"Nahihirapan na kasi akong makita sila." She said. "Akala ko ba it takes one to know one? Hindi ka ba nakakaramdam ng selos sa kanila?"

I didn't said anything. Ang gaga mo, Beatriz! Ang dami mong dinamay dahil sa kagagawan mo!

"I'm sorry."

"No need." She said. "I just wanted to know. Pero okay lang naman kung hind mo sagutin."

I sighed. "I'm really sorry."

She stood up and smiled at me, "Remember, Beadel. The things we love the most destroys us.. Everytime."