Forever and Always

Kabanata 9

Kabanata 9

"Times up, Bei." Jho whispered at me while she's hugging me.

Humiwalay ako sa yakap niya and I looked at Maddie, I saw pain crossed in her eyes. I tried so hard na wag ng lapitan siya buti na lang at dumating na si Tots.

"Maddeh beybeh!" Sigaw niya kaya napalingon naman si Maddie.

"Isara mo mata mo kung masakit na." Biglang sabi ni Jho.

Tumalikod na ako at naglakad palayo. I didn't know na ganito pala talaga kasakit na mawala yung taong minamahal mo. Dumiretso ako sa rooftop para magisip isip pero sinundan pala ako ni Jho.

"Jho, they said na if you really love someone, papalayin mo siya." I said while looking at the stars. "Paano nila nasabi yun? Nagawa ba nila?"

"Ikaw ba? Handa mo pa ba siyang ipaglaban kahit may kasama na siyang iba?" I sighed. "'Yong dating ikaw ang nagpapasaya noon pero ngayon ginagawa na ng iba?"

"It hurts, Jho. It fucking hurts."

"Alam ko, dahil yung babaeng mahal na mahal mo, ngayon ay hawak na ng iba."

I smiled weakly. "Marami kaming pangarap para sa isa't isa, Jho. Pero naputol lang dahil sa ayaw ng tadhana para samin."

"Hindi naman sa ayaw ng tadhana, beh. Siguro challenge lang yan."

"Bullshit." Malutong kong mura. "Challenge? Beh, limang taon niya kaming pinaghiwalay noon! Tapos ano? Naulit ulit?"

"Sino ba hindi nakaalala, beh?"

Natigilan ako sa naging tanong niya. Doon ko lang napagtanto na, oo nga pala. Ako nga pala ang dahilan ng lahat. Ang katigasan ng ulo ko ang naging dahilan kung bakit kami napunta sa sitwasyon na ganito. Pero bumalik ako.. bumalik ako kung saan kami dating nagkakilala. Hawak-hawak yung katiting na pag-asang magkakabalikan kaming dalawa.

Pero mukhang malabo na ata mangyayari iyon, kasi hawak na siya ng iba, may pangarap na silang dalawa para sa isa't-isa. At habang may salitang sila, mananatiling malabo ang salitang kami.

"If only I could turn back time." I sighed.

"Kung kaya mo, ano gagawin mo?" Tanong ni Jho.

"If I can, there's no chance that I'll let her go. Never." Napahinga ako ng malalim. "Or atleast I'll give her a reason to stay.."

But the truth is, she left not because I never asked her to stay - geez, I don't even have to do that, she's willing to do so - but it's because she grew tired of me. She opened her heart to me, she broke the rules just to be with me, but what did I do? I gave her nothing but a heartbreak.

I told her that I won't leave her,I said those three words to her.. but, fate plays really well. So, anong laban ko?

"But what happened, beh? Was she too annoying so you just always leave her? Or because you know that even if you left her, she'll keep on waiting para kung bumalik ka nandoon pa rin siya? It took a big part of her to be able to be open to you about what she really feels.. but maybe that's the reason why she left you.." My tears fell. Maybe Jho was right. ".. you failed to see - or you probably just didn't care in general - the things she did for you. In what felt like a thousand years, she finally opened up to someone. But little did she know, that person was still the wrong one."

"Am I the wrong one?" I asked, Jho nodded. "Jho, I never wanted to forget her! God knows how much I love her!"

"You're too dumb to let her go, to let someone else have the chance to have a more special place in her heart. Maybe she expected too much. Maybe she really grew tired of everything."

"Jho, you know how much I forced myself just to remember everything."

"Beh kasi, nahirapan na siya kung saan siya lulugar sa buhay mo." She said. "She just grew tired, so she left."

"Sabi niya hindi niya ako susukuan.."

"At sabi mo babalikan mo siya."

"I tried.."

"Hindi."

"Are you really my friend?"

"Girlfriend."

"I want her back."

"Hindi mo siya binalikan."

Hindi na ako nakapagsalita sa sinabi ni Jho. Realization hits me, that I think she still loves me, but we can't escape the fact that I am not enough for her.

I knew all along that this was going to happen. So I'm not blaming her for falling in love with another woman. I'm not angry, either. I should be, but I'm not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.‬ Wala kahit sino ang may alam ng sakit na nararamdaman ko.

Do you know what really pains me? ‪I think part of me will always wait for her..

"Uulan na, halika na."

"Hayaan mo muna ako, Jho."

And there, sumabay yung kalangitan sa kalungkutan na mayroon ako. Hindi ko na rin pinigilan yung luha na kanina pa gustong kumawala.

I asked Jho na bigyan akong two days para makasama si Maddie. Hinayaan naman niya ako, masakit pero masaya.

"Beh, binigyan na kita ng dalawang araw." Ani Jho. "Pero, please lang. Subukan mo namang ibalik yung kayo."

I was dumbfounded at what she said. "J-jho."

"Mahal mo si Maddie, ipaglaban mo. Tell her."

"I'm scared."

She raised an eyebrow. "Where's BEAst?"

I chuckled. "Thanks for always being there for me."

"Gawin mo lahat para mabawi si Maddie. God! BeaDdie shipper ako."

I laughed. "No, I'm serious, Jho. Thank you."

"Saan?"

"For helping me."

"Duh, bestfriends eh." I smiled. "And diba, you can't imagine your life without her?"

I nodded. "Yes, Jho."

"You can't imagine kung paano yung magiging buhay mo kung wala siya kasi sobra mo siyang mahal. Kasi, wala ka ng ibang mamahalin bukod sa kanya."

"Nadali mo, beh!" I said and chucked. She just smiled at me.

"Tell her."

"What?"

"That you remember her na."

"But, Jho."

"Wag mo antayin malaman niya sa iba."

I sighed. "Not now, Jho."

I know, Maddie was hurt. But I know to myself that I'm not hoping for miracles, I'm just hoping one last chance.

--

A/N: Hiiii! Sorry medyo sabog ako. Hahaha. Nahihirapan talaga ako sa POV ni Bea. Pero sana okay lang naisulat ko.

Pwede po kayo magtanong. Sasagutin ko po. 😄