Dear Suicide...

Adult Child

With each passing day,

I am being pushed further and further

down the world's assembly line.

My arms and legs tremble with fear.

My mind is not sure of itself.

______________________

I am too "young" to reach for myself;

yet, I am too "old" not to be educated on things that people my age already know.

It's funny...

I suddenly became "old enough" to deal with bitter affairs.

These are just payments for mistakes that were made -

mistakes that don't belong to me.

It's so frustrating, sometimes,

I just want to throw myself on the ground and cry.

Cry. Scream. Squeal and shake everything within me.

Like a little child?

_____________________

Other times,

I want to wipe away the tears that I've concealed at night,

and stand tall.

Show people my ability.

Like an adult?
____________________

I tell myself:

"What ability?

Your inexperience shows.

It has made you clear enough to see through,

so it shows.

Your teenage years consisted of absolutely no growth of any kind,

so, why try?"
______________________