I suggest you bring tissues because this may get a little deep. I'm feeling depressed right now so whatever comes out. I don't mean to trigger anybody because i'm suffering with this myself.
"I just want someone to hold my hand and tell me it's okay."
Songs suggested🎧:-
• The 1975 - Me
•• Drake - Redemption
••• TØP - Goner
Simon's POV~
people say i'm crazy.
Am i really crazy or am i just using the feelings of how I REALLY feel inside?
I can hear everybody's voices repeating in my head.
simon, you're so annoying.
simon, you talk too much.
simon, you say dumb shit.
simon, can you shut the fuck up?
simon, we are only telling the truth...
Those are the things that I heard everyday, it's like never ending but when I'm not in the mood, people start wondering.
wondering for what? it's not like you gave two shits anyways...
Maybe I am crazy, maybe I am fucked up but wasn't they the ones that told me, I should be myself? They always told me to be myself but why the fuck are they judging me?
The truth hurts so bad that I started to feel more pain before. I've pretended to be someone else in the past but it didn't work. It makes me a two faced person.
I have thoughts about killing myself.
When I say something negative, they think I'm joking and shouldn't say that but at some point I really do.
I hate my life.
i want to kill myself.
i'm going to kill myself.
i want to to die.
i'm ugly
i'm fat
i'm not pretty
and mostly, i don't deserve this soul that's living inside of me.
i'm always feeling sad, i'm always tired.
They wanted me to be myself but when I am, they complain that i'm just being fucked up. I am weak and I am a loser. I feel the peer pressure, the pressure comes hitting me like lighting.
People always ask why I look sad.
I'm fed up with life - what i really want to say but instead...
I'm fine - when i'm not.
---
I'm sat at my school desk waiting for Ms. Jackson to start with the lesson. I saw Jide coming into the classroom, i turned my head and looked out of the window. I don't want him to know that i'm feeling depressed but i suddenly forget that he sits next to me.
"Hey Simon, how are you doing?" He said in a usual cheerful tone.
"I'm fine." I said as I left at that.
"Are you sure?" He said with a more concerned tone.
"I'm sure." I said not making any eye contacts with him.
He left it at that. I know later, he will be asking me what's wrong but I just don't want to deal with it right now. I feel my soul and my throat burning, I was going to cry soon.
All of this heavy clouded things that was playing in my mind has taken over, I got up and tapped Jide as a sign that I needed him. Ms. Jackson saw that I had started crying and she understood as I've told her what I've been going through because I trust her.
I walked into one of the bathroom stalls just sitting there breaking down as I am now at my weakest point. I heard the door open and I saw Jide standing there as he walked in and locked the stall. He pulls me up as he sits on the toilet seat and puts me on his lap.
"What's wrong?" He said as he held my face on both sides.
Oh I was thinking bout killing myself, don't you mind?
"I can't do it anymore." I cried quietly.
Jide looks into my eyes, he places one of his hands on my chest. He could feel my overwhelming heartbeat.
"What is the pain that you're carrying in your overflowing soul?" He asked.
I have never ever heard him ask me the most formal question ever. I took a deep breath and took my time.
"I'm tired. Not as in, I want to go to sleep. I mean I'm tired of life. Everyone is biting my skin, I can feel it. I've been thinking about killing myself. I feel like I can't be myself anymore. I care what everybody thinks. I am tired, I am sad and I'm feeling this anger inside of me." I told him in much details that I could put together.
Jide looks at me and he pulls me closer for a tight hug as I feel myself pouring out my soul again. It's been so long since I've been held this tight, It's been so long since I wanted someone just to hug me with out saying anything.
