tears of an angel jokerxharley

wondering if i dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life

Hi guys! I promised I would be focused on getting this story finished, which should be happening pretty soon (I know, its so sad!) But don't worry, I completely intend to start another story too, as long with a more mature oneshot collection, so keep an eye on them! 

After this there are only two chapters left, plus an epilogue! So stay tuned! 

Lots of love as always! xx

It had been two weeks. Two weeks since the club, two weeks since Ivy and he still refused to speak to her. It was almost as if she wasn't there, that he couldn't see her as he moved from his bed to his office and back to bed at night. It wasn't like she was just waiting around silently. Everyday she sat outside his office, waiting for him to open the door so she was able to get a glimpse at him. Occasionally he grunted at her, even kicked her slightly with his shoe but that was about it.

It was the worst at night. He didn't allow her in the bed, his bed, anymore. So she just huddled on the floor and sobbed. She could hear his tossing and turning as she cried and held onto the duvet. He always pulled it out of her grip and left her on the hard, unforgiving floor until the sun rose in the morning and he left her for his office again.

The first few days were absolute torture, she didn't completely understand why he had completely isolated her like that, she needed him! She needed to be with him. But after the first week a certain numbness had set into her bones. When he opened his door and she tumbled into the room, she no longer begged him to forgive her, to hold her, to take her back. Now she was just silent. Her eyes were glassy and cheeks hollow. She was a shell of her former self, as was he.

She knew why he was like this. She had humiliated and rejected him, publicly no less. Of course he would be angry with her, he had every right to be. But she never thought that it would take this long. Usually after a few days his rage died down and he allowed her into his life again. She missed his touch, his smell, his love. Without him, she was nothing. First she had lost the baby and now she was loosing him too.

Harleen had always defined depression as 'persistent feelings of sadness and worthlessness and a lack of desire to engage in formally pleasurable activities', but that felt too cold, too seperate from her to ring true in any sense. For Harley, it was an inability to smile. Nothing could cause her mouth to turn upwards anymore, it remained in a permanent, sullen frown which weighed on her body heavily. She tried to smile, using her fingers to pull her lips upwards as she watched her reflection pitifully in the mirror, but she could never do it without breaking down into tears. If it wasn't real, it wasn't real. And how could her happiness be real if he wasn't the cause of it?

Is this what her life, no, her existence would be like now? Is this what she would have to endure while she was forced to remain here? Cooped up inside this dark house, eating whatever scraps of food she could find and the only human interaction being the grunts he occasionally rewarded her with?! Because if this was what her life would be like, then she didn't want it! She didn't want any part of it! She couldn't bare it. She couldn't cry anymore, she couldn't hopelessly wish to run into his arms and have him kiss her forehead like he used to do. She needed him back or she needed to leave.

But where would she go without him? It wasn't as if she could return to her old life. The only way in which Arkham would take her now was as a patient. She didn't want Harleen's version of normal anymore. How could she return to the mundaneness of an everyday life after experiencing this, experiencing him?

And she wouldn't go to Pamela. It was cruel. She couldn't give her what she wanted and she couldn't keep her on hook as she consumed her home. It wouldn't be fair to her, not after everything that had happened. Besides, she didn't even know if Pamela would take her.

They were the only options Harley really had. Here or there. She would just end up pin balling between places. They would fight over her, tug at her from every side, whispering in her ears about how they were the better choice, how they would look after her, cherish her. They were both liars. They enjoyed the chase, the victory of her embrace, the kiss of their prize. Harley didn't want that anymore, but she didn't have any other options. Unless..

She wanted to go, to fly away. From him, from Gotham, from everything. She just wanted to go. She wanted to be free of everything, including herself. There was only one thing that had given her that feeling before, maybe it could help her do it again. She needed to change, she needed to be completely consumed so she could fly away from this pitiful reality.

She didn't even bother with shoes, jumping up from her place at his door. She wouldn't need them anyway. She grabbed his keys and raced to the garage. She was going to take the good car, his car, the one she had never been allowed to touch. The clown alloyed wheels glinted in the blackness and the lights flashed as she unlocked it. The white leather seats were blond under her as she opened the garage and sped out.

She ignored any traffic lights or road rules as she tore through the streets. She needed to feel something, anything. Somewhere inside her she knew she was looking for a feeling, a twinge which would stop her from driving, but her heart convinced her brain that she was only looking for the adrenaline to finally let herself fall completely off the edge.

Ooo! What do you think?! Let me know xx The next chapter will be up in 10 minutes after I have a shower x