|| ENDLESS LOVE || -- A MaNan FF

|| Chapter Twelve ||

"And I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again, that at best there might eventually be a little contentment. Everyone wanted me to get help and rejoin life, pick up the pieces and move on, and I tried to, I wanted to, but I just had to lie in the mud with my arms wrapped around myself, eyes closed, grieving, until I didn't have to anymore."

- Anne Lamott, Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year

The door creaked open and I heard Manik's voice. He was shouting obscenities. "I helped you when you needed it the most. I trusted you implicitly but you, you..." I heard him scream. It all fades into the background for me. He must have seen and heard everything. He had mentioned that there was a central surveillance room with video and audio feeds from every room in the house.

I am not going to let him do this to her. Rachel was standing in front of him with her head down. Jo was standing in the corner and Manik looks like he might murder her. "Leave her alone Manik" I walk upto her and stop him.

"Jo, please escort Rachel outside." I request.

I felt his piercing gaze on me. I look at him. There was only one emotion riding his face- fear.

We look at each other, our eyes locking in the most grueling battle. He was asking a lot of things from me. I was not willing to give him anything, I refuse to even understand what he was trying to communicate. I hear the door lock behind Jo and Rachel. They were gone. It was only us both in the room. I don't know what to do. No, correction, I don't know what to do with Manik. All this confrontation has strangely brought upon me a sense of closure. I know what to do exactly. I have never felt clearer in my head. I summon upon all my strengths.

"I want a divorce." I spell it out loud and clear.

He closes his eyes shut tightly. "No, no, no." he held his head and started walking away from me hurriedly. He was fidgeting nervously. He came back and stood right in front of me. "You promised you wouldn't leave." His voice was shaking. He was pacing again. "No, no, no." It was all cries, desperate cries. "Let's talk Nandini, let's figure this out. Please don't believe her, it's a bunch of bull...please." He pleads.

"Manik, I have had enough of this drama. Frankly, I have nothing to tell you and nothing to listen from you. I couldn't be more done with you. We don't have a marriage anymore. I would like that stated officially. I will move out of the house shortly, once I figure out things."

"NO!!!" he screamed.

"YES!!! STOP IT WITH THE FREAK SHOW ALREADY! YOU f**kED YOUR SECRETARY. THAT'S THE TRUTH. ACCEPT IT!!" I cannot believe my own voice and the belligerence in it but I wasn't nearly done.

He was silent, shocked.

"You repeatedly, blatantly and shamelessly lied to my face. You made me question my judgment and common-sense. I f**king caught you in bed with her and I still believed that you might be innocent. That's how stupid I am!!!!!!!! That's how-stupidly-much I loved you, you bas***d! But you, YOU deserve none of that. And for the last time, leave me to my plight. It's OVER."  It was like I had a forest fire inside me and I spat out everything at him, leaving him in flames.

"It's not like that." It was a whisper, he could barely speak. After a minute, he spoke again "Nandini, I never ever lied to you. I don't remember even touching her. God! I don't know how to convince you. Yes, I was drunk at the party. Yes, I remember missing you like crazy and yes, I remember Aryamann bringing me home in his car. But the next thing I remember is waking up in my bed, by myself and calling you, and worrying about why you hadn't called me at all, on such a big day. I remember calling your camp manager and asking about you and rushing to the camp only to find you missing. And since then, I remember my life fall apart right in front of my eyes. Please believe me Nandini, I do not remember Rachel or anybody else for that matter."