Sad boy.

I'm sorry

i remember the way you used to look at the water the way you used to sit there with your feet skimming the water, i hope you know we all miss you now. and it hurts when we think about you, when i think about you, it was hard on all of us, but we understand why you left, nobody can speak now, i miss your face and the way you used to stare at the stars, you used to be in love with them but you only told me this, the day you died, i put the stars with you, i buried you with the stars, the necklace you bought me of the stars, is with you now. i miss you, i miss you so much, i just wish you had called me, i just wish you had told me, i just wish i could've known, that i could've stopped you, thats too late, and now you're families house is empty, and my heart is empty, and everything hurts, and i miss you, the school pretends nothing happened, they try to ignore it, but they know how much it hurts, it hurts every time, all the time, i can't go to sleep and when i do i see you, i see your face, why, why do i see you, i miss you and I'm sorry i couldn't be there, please come back i say to myself, the sky is grey as i stare at your grave and i miss you, i miss you so much, they said they found you, they found you alone, afraid scared.. dead in a pool of tears you drowned in alone because the world, the cruel world pushed you to it, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. i wasn't there. that when you needed me there it was empty. That I was gone.
-EKA

Those crucial parts of my life
Where I'm not writing
Those are the parts of my life you're not seeing
The parts you're missing
But how you know me
All you know of me
Is hidden in these words
Here and now
The words you read
Are the words I have created
To explain myself
Without telling you my story
You know my mind
You know my heart
And that is the most beautiful thing
-EKA

Sometimes i feel so alone
And it hurts to think about you
I know I have you
But I'm afraid I'll lose you
And though you keep reminding
I can't help but feel
You'll find someone better
And that I'll just become
A faded memory
Of what used to be
And what could have been
-EKA

Hidden in a world full of pain
You're my only retreat
But sometimes still
I feel numb inside
And I feel empty and alone
You tell me you love
And I tell you
"it's only a matter of time before you don't"
-EKA

It's been a while since I last wrote
In that time I found you
And I fell in love
I forgot what it was like to breathe
I knew there was gonna be pain
I can feel that pain now encroaching on my heart
And just like that I can see your face
That lovely smile and I can see the pain hidden behind your eyes reflection
You tell me you love me
But how can you love someone else
when you don't love yourself
-EKA

I miss you now
That's all I can say without feeling dead inside
Feeling like I'm gonna cry
I miss your smile
I miss your voice
Why did you jump
I know the answer
I could've helped
But you wouldn't answer
I called the cops
And they said they found you
Laying upside down
Not breathing holding a pill bottle
Labeled help me
and there I sat on the phone
Tears running down my face all alone
In the corner of the room I cursed the world
For taking you
My only happiness gone
I knew you were sad
But I wish I could turn everything back
To those happy days
Fading memories
Pass like someone staring at a distant gaze
-EKA

Time is just an idea
But tell me
Why did time feel so infinite with you
And now that you're gone it feels like it only lasted as long as those days
And now the pain embedded in my body
Seems like it will never go away
-EKA

I don't know how to feel right now except I feel alone and sad
Everything I used to have is now gone
And I sit here wondering why you left
When you were my everything
When you were my universe
Tell me why the stars seem to shine less brightly
And the sky more dim like somebody had lowered a switch
Tell my why all I see are hanging clouds
And the ground looks like a big hole ready to swallow me up
Tell me why everything looks so big and scary
As if everything's staring at me
Tell me why I feel so alone
Even in a room full of people
I still only think of you
Tell me why you stay on my mind
Like the lingering smoke drifting upwards from a cigarette
Tell me why the world seems less joyous and more bitter
And why the roads seem crooked and filled with cracks
Tell me why the houses seem ready to collapse
And the words of my generations hearts
Filled with talk of war
Tell me why people seem so eager to leave now
Then before
Tell me why the water seems more cold on my back
And less comforting
Tell me why I cry when I should be happy
When nothing has happened when I've had a good day I cry
Tell me why I write to keep my self sane
Tell me why I stare at my wall at night hoping you'll come back
Tell me why you left
Tell me where did it all go wrong
Tell me was it me
Or you can just stay silenced like you did when you hung up
And left without another word
And the last I saw of your face was the days before
When I felt that everything was so safe and sure
When I felt that the world was infinite
When I knew I had you
But that day I knew
You had found someone else
Because now I'm alone
Sitting next to the telephone
Waiting for a call
Of your words saying "I made a mistake"
But I know this won't happen
Cause that day I cried
And I was hoping this was all just some big lie
A joke
But instead it was real
And now I'm alone
Staring at a wall
Tears running down my face
Knees curled up to my chest
I miss you
-EKA

And even when you're here
Even when I have you
I feel so alone
-EKA

I feel so alone and that hurts
It's sad to think this is the only feeling I know so well
Being alone and sad
I hope you arnt turned away by this
Most people leave before even looking at me
Or even saying hi
-EKA

Life is meant to be lived I've learned this
And it can't be lived in the fear of losing someone or losing anything
You will always be in constant fear at that point
Learn to let things go and you control your happiness
And you will control your life
-EKA

It's funny sometimes how much I hurt myself over the thought of you
I know I have you
But I tell myself
What if he leaves
But I know I have you
And all I can do is live in the moment
Or I risk living my life in fear of losing you
And that is how I truly lose you
by being afraid that I will
-EKA