Sad boy.

I dont think i know how to love you the right way and im sorry for that.

Cold hands
And a warm heart
Things I pray
one day
won't fall apart

Everyone is leaving me
And I'm losing my grip on reality

And even though I have you
I feel so cold and lonely
And you seem so far
So cold in the backseat of my car

I don't know if it's enough to love you
I don't know if I'm enough to love you
Because every time I see your face
I catch your gaze
While you're looking away
And it's hard for me to say
But sometimes I know it's better if I leave
Even though it's better for me if you stay
And I need you
That much is true
But when you see her I'm reminded
You were never mine to begin with
And that's the saddest pain to deal with
And even though you're in love with my face
You're not in love with the best part of me
Hidden away in secrecy
But you love all of her
Too bad I can't be her
I'd do anything for you to love me the way you love her
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry

I don't know how to feel anything cause I feel nothing
And god if only he knew how much I love him
Maybe things would be different
And I feel so alone
Even though I love you
And I don't know what I feel
If I feel anything at all
It's like
I'm alone even though I have him
I feel so so so alone
For once in my life I just want to feel wanted
I want to feel needed
I want to feel loved
Please come back
I miss you
But you don't love me do you
You only love parts of me
When will it be everything?
I'm sorry

I have spent so much of my time looking for you
The one I thought deserved to be loved
But now that I see you
Now that I've found you
I wonder
Is this where all my wasted time has gone?
Was it worth trying to find you
To love you?
I don't even know what "we" are anymore
And I'm not sure I want to ever know

I love him, and I'm afraid to let go of all this stuff that's consuming me, cause I'm afraid if I do, and if he hurts me, it would mean, I wasted so much time, all this time, but yet we're only given so much to live, and it would mean I would be alone, it would mean I messed up, it would mean he fell in love with someone else, and I'm afraid, and I know you can't be in love and afraid at the same time, but I don't know how to not be afraid, I don't know how to not be afraid he might meet a girl in the future that is smarter or a boy, when he goes to college, someone that's done stuff, that knows more then I do, that's studied longer, and promises him stuff, I'm afraid someone will be closer to him then we are, that they steal our future, the future where we grow old together and have kids and are happily in love and I'm afraid, because me and him arnt that close, and even if we are, I'm afraid that he might meet someone else, cause I know I'm a lot, but I can't even compare to the people out there in the real world that are actually better then me in every single way,
Physically and mentally, and he's everything I've ever wanted in a person, even though I complain and say stupid things and he does stupid things, I still love him, but I'm not sure how to even compare, because to me he's my world, and I know at some point I was his world too, but that seems to be changing, I feel like I'm just a part of it and that's fine, at least I'm still in his world, but what if.... what if someone comes along and they become his world? I don't know how I would feel, because he's so simple sweet pure and he wouldn't hurt a fly even though he's weird, but if I can't keep him, I'm not sure how I could keep anyone in my life. I wouldn't know how to feel. It would be like falling in love with a red ballon then one windy day the ballon slips from your hand and you watch helplessly as it floats towards the sky and there's nothing that you can do because it's gone... forever. We all promise forever till something better comes along.

Sometimes i just feel so neglected by life and I don't know how to feel, because even when the world says I love you, it's the silence that bothers me, I wonder, what it is you do, what it is you think, when the silence lingers in the still air? And it's not that I don't love you I just feel forgotten sometimes, I guess I'm just not interesting enough to you, I'm sorry-EKA

       

Just a sad boy in a sad world dreaming sad dreams surrounded by sad people

It's hard to watch the world move on from here while you're stuck in the same place in life

It's hard not to feel helpless and alone

It's hard not to feel forgotten

I no longer dream because my dreams were stolen by reality a long time ago, and right when I thought it would be safe to love again, I learned. He was never mines to begin with, we both "wanted" to love each other we just didn't know how to and we both weren't ready, I pray one day in the future, fate allows us the time to love each other the way it should have been

You turned to me and said boys can't cry and I looked at you and said but sad boys can die

I feel so loose and disconnected from us, and i don't know how to get back to where we started I feel so empty within your words, like I'm not a friend and I'm not your love, I'm just merely a person that's there, and I want to love you, every part of me craves you, but it's like forcing a puzzle piece that won't fit, but you match the picture, it's such a beautiful puzzle but you won't fit and it hurts and it's sad, and I'm sorry, I can't anymore, because I'm getting back to the way I used to be, and that scares me. I wake up every morning out of breath my chest heaving and my eyes watery, and the thought I might wake up to a text that explains everything... that ends everything, for me that is love and for me it hurts, but it's normal, for me.

More then anything just tell me you love me