I am what I feel

You made me lose reason, you made me lose my mind

So again short and again just lutteo, but some really important  stuff happens here, some really important choices are made. Also I'm mean again and leave it in a cliffhanger, I'm not even sorry

Matteo sits next to her, something he can't quite name buzzing inside his chest, he never thought he could miss someone so much and yet here he is, feeling like he can't actually breath for the first time in more than a week just because she is close to him. What has this tiny girl done to him?

He doesn't really dare to look at her directly, he needs to talk to her calmly and he is not sure he won't pour out everything he feels if he looks at her in the eyes, he is not sure of he can control himself being face to face with her. Matteo sighs he is not really sure how to start or what to say to her. Should he ask what happened after the kiss? Why did she run away? Why has she been avoiding him? If there's a reason she said no to him? She really doesn't see him that way? Why is she crying? Why does she look as bad as he feels? Is there anything in the world he can do to make that beautiful smile of hers return?

There are too many questions in his mind, too many feelings in his chest, he is a mess and he doesn't know how to pull himself together to start this conversation. He feels dizzy and overwhelmed, there are too many thoughts, too many feelings, too much of everything and even if she is next to him she feels too far away.

He takes a deep breath as Luna does too and he can hear in it how hard she is trying to calm down her crying. Apparently it was possible for his heart to be broken some more.

He lets some seconds of silence pass, give the opportunity to both of them to pull themselves together.

"Are you okay?" He asks after a while, her little body is no longer shaking next to him but when he turns around there are still tears left on her face, she just nods. "Are you sure?"

"Sure." She says, voice shaky. "You said you wanted to talk."

He notices that she doesn't ask about what, of course she knows already.

"Why?" No other words leaves his lips, there's no follow up question. All his questions, all his doubts, condensed into one little world as vague or specific as he wants it to be.

"I had to." She offers.

"You had to?" He demands turning to her.

"We can't do this." She sighs, looking down at her hands, something broken in her eyes "We can't."

"We can't?" Matteo shakes his head confused, annoyed and hurt. Is that her only explanation? He has no idea what he was waiting for, he had no idea that he was waiting for something but whatever that was this is not it. "Do you not want to?"

She turns to look at him with hesitation written all over her eyes, her lower lip caught between her teeth.

"That's not it." She murmurs. "But we can't."

"And why on earth we can't, Luna?" He exclaims louder than he meant to, startling both of them. He takes his fingers through his hair in frustration, the lack of sleep catching up to him all at once, exhaustion washes over his body, his shoulders sagging with the weight of her words.

"This is the best for both of us." She whispers. "This way none of us will get hurt."

"That's not what I asked." He tells her, voice firm, steady, completely the opposite of how he feels. "You tell me that it's not that you don't want to but you've been avoiding me all week, you just casted me completely aside like some old broken toy you don't want anymore and now I don't even get an explanation, I deserve one. So why can't we do this, Luna? Why can't we be together?"