There Is So Much Going In My Mind .....

Things aren't that easy

As I entered the class I saw some of my old classmates and acquaintance but I didn't know majority of them and that was a great .
But the fact was, that I was in the same school so no matter how hard I try to eascape from the reality and those people but that is just not possible , no matter how hard I try to forget things which happened in the last session they will still linger in my head.

Isn't it ironic that we want to stay happy but give more important to bad memories and negative thoughts rather than beautiful moments that we have lived and can create ......

I thought that it would be really easy to make friends and to interact with others but the truth was , that it wasn't.

Making new friends at a new place is still easier than making new friends at the same place where each and everyone knows you , where they already have an opinion about you. Even if you try to change , to do better they judge you and that's what hurts that's what breaks you .
But now I have finally learned one thing that be yourself no matter how hard it may seem the ones who want to change you aren't the ones who are supposed to be with you and the ones who are with you , respect the way you are and love you because of who you are ........
I never changed my school, from the beginning I was studying here so it was obvious for each and everyone to know me .
I really don't know why people were afraid of me like I had never slapped someone or said something bad or
been abusive or done anything like that ...........
I even asked my friends about it ; that why is everybody afraid of me as if I am an underworld gangster or something ( I know it sounds funny but this is what I end up thinking ) but they either dogged the question or their answer just couldn't satisfy me but I desperately wanted to know the reason for it .

And then the bell rang

So ,I decided to hunt for a perfect seat for myself.
I generally prefer the second or the third seat because it is just perfect ; you aren't sitting that close to the teacher's desk or sitting that far .
But may be it is just not a good day as there was only 2 seats ; one on the first bench and other on the last bench . So after a lot of discussion with my ownself I decided to place my bag on the first seat.
I turned around and almost each face was familiar yet not known .
I don't know whether at this point I am willing to risk it all over again and make friends or am I just not willing to be alone .

Feelings are strange , really strange they make us sane and insane at the same time ......

Our new class teacher came and we all stood up to wish her . Her name was Ms.Laura she was so beautiful , so amazing that I cannot take off my eyes from her face she is just perfect in every aspect ; the way she carries herself , the way she talks and everything and I don't think so that anyone would disagree .

She knew me , she was a mentor for me and I just don't know but she is just like a friend ; who makes me feel better , who can read my mind .
She called me and I knew as always that she gotto know that something was wrong with me and I really wonder how she manages to do it . I mean like doing something like this is amazing even I tried but I that wasn't successful.

Then she called me again and I got up to her as fast as I could .

She asked me ," Are you happy with this class ? "

She looked straight into my eyes as if she knew all that was going in my head .

I said ," Umm Yes it is amazing"

She looked at me as if she knew that I was hiding something.

I knew that I lied but what could I do . I wanted to tell her the truth , about my emotions and every single thing but I am just not able to do it .
I am not the one who shares her pain or if I am upset or hurt , would tell even if you ask . I just don't know why but may be I expect the other person to know it , to know what I am feeling and I know that I expect a lot more than I should but now I am used to it .

Finally it was recess time and nothing much happened till then , I took my tiffin and happily went to find Lasya but when I saw her with her new acquaintance , I decided not to intervene and I disappeared. I don't know why did I do that but may be because of the fact that I am not that comfortable with other people , I take time in fact a lot of time and I even didn't want her to leave her new friends because of me so yeah may be that's why .

The bell rang and I proceed towards my class and then I saw Lasya standing near the door , I tried to change my way in order to not answer her questions , but my bad timing , she saw me but then I somehow managed to escape her.

But I knew that at the end of the school I need to face her .

Today nothing important happened and it was a pretty boring day ....
and Finally it was the time to leave and as soon as I came out , I found someone waiting for me desperately and she was none other than Lasya .

I looked at her with my innocent eyes hoping that she wouldn't ask me .

She looked at me and smiled and said," Don't you ever dare to do that thing again ."

I was happy that she knew me that well and I said in a low voice ,"I will try" and then both of us had to part our ways and leave for our respective buses .