There Is So Much Going In My Mind .....

Until and Unless you don't show they will never know

School went on and I had a lot to do ; a lot of assignments and preparation for the coming tests. 

Lasya and I were still in touch but we don't used to meet that often but this situation too has  an advantage and that was whenever we met we had so much to talk and to discuss .........

I was lying  on my bed and was thinking about something but I don't know what , I know it is strange I was thinking but had no clue what it was . All I knew that I wasn't feeling happy and then

I realised that something was flowing and they were little, tiny droplets coming out from my eyes which the world likes to call as tears but I don't agree it is sort of change happening in your body after which you feel better and I  don't know why but I really like tears I mean like the way it is ; its size just perfect and everything and they are just so beautiful just like silver droplets and so fascinating .

But the only thing which I don't like is that these silly tears just come anytime and anywhere specifically when they are even not invited .

But they never come without a reason and I was just trying to avoid it but nobody can totally have a control on their emotions. 

But these tears are really stubborn they just don't understand or may be I just don't wanna face the truth and I always wonder that is it only me who has ever tasted a tear whatever the answer might be I really like it's taste ( Though I know it sounds really silly and childish but I like to keep it that way  )

I knew that the things which happened in the last session still haunt me, actually it makes me feel weak and strong at the same time ; that how can I give anyone the power to make me feel so bad and to shatter me into a million pieces but that now I am stronger than before and that's amazing.

I  believed that talking about problems or misunderstanding always or mostly solved it but may be I was wrong ....

As it really hurts when the person sitting next to you who can hear your words but cannot understand them .

When the one whom you trust betrays you  and doesn't even  care that's when you decide not to waste time on it an focus on the things which deserve you .

When you always respect each person's uniqueness and then the one whom you once called your best friend tells you to Change in order to fit in the group but why fit in when you can stand out.

That's when you decide to change but for yourself , for your own good but then I told you things just don't work the way I want ,  that's when Lasya came who made me crazy , silly ,weird and most importantly respected the way I am . She didn't accept my presence but always  celebrated it and that's when you know that  Better is always on the way .

The world only knows what we show and I don't feel that the things which upset you or kind of breaks you down shouldn't be told to all . I believe this world already has a lot of pain and problems why to add up more so the only thing worth showing is a really big and broad SMILE ....

I like to take up challenges and in this world to stay happy is definitely not less than it . Happiness is indeed a choice but if you are strong that will  actually save you from a lot of problems.

And always be careful in front of whom you open up because mostly people just don't care and are finding some spice in their live so don't be someone's gossip , be someone's personal  dairy about which the other person cares and treasures it and never let anyone have the power to control you as you are vivacious , brave , fearless and  irreplaceable. 

And then I was just regreting that why did I talk to her , may be if I had not talked to her and not kept my point of veiw it could have been better , much better and then a msg came
So have you done your assignments ?
And the no. looked familiar and it was the no. which I deleted a few days back and it was Meira ; the who can be said the reason of my better version or the suffering which I had ...

Well how can someone be so insensitive, after all that expecting the other person to be normal once again but I couldn't expect anything more from her and I decided to ignore that msg because that was the least I could do .

I had a talk with her at the end of the last session and  with a lot of courage I decided to open up to her to tell her what I felt and to tell her what she did wasn't right but when the other person is not bothered at all that's when you realise it is mostly better to keep things with you .

Whatever she did is only known to 3 that's me,  Lasya and definitely  Meira  ; telling this or spreading  is kind of making Meira infamous and it wasn't such a big deal may be it was but doesn't matter now .

I generally avoid to discuss about people until and unless it is about appreciating as we all are different with different people and may be my opinion might influencetge other person's mind and that would be wrong .

So I finally I decided to dodge her but it didn't work she knew all but still acted as it was nothing but not for me . So now we are friends but that feeling that same bond can never come back because no matter how hard I try it just can't ...

But people notice it like the one's who used to talk too often don't even meet . But I was always like this I never believed in showing a thing  which didn't even exist now but she had different ideologies and may be even I decided to let that thing go and look at the brighter side  ;  then slowly and gradually now things are better and sorted and I just hope that one day Meira understands my but then

I feel I am standing under a waterfall but wait that was Lasya she threw a glass of water on me and then I yelled back
" Are you insane ? Oh no no no You are definitely insane "

And then she told me that she had been hear for about 10 minutes and was telling about something important and then she realised that I wasn't even listening . 

I gave her the most innocent expression that I could have ever given and then she said

" I know it is hard but don't waste time on things that aren't worth it "

I smiled back and said

" Yup , Hopefully this is the last time "

Oh yes you were telling something and as she was about to utter it a call came to her and she had to rush. 

I tried to stop her because now I was really curious about it because until and unless it is not something Very Important she will not come to my place .

But she wants me to die because of suspense and says smiling

" Eri just one more day and you will know " and she leaves

And I  had no other option as she is damn stubborn and I mean it .

And then I rushed back to my assignments and then when I was done with it and was about to sleep Lasya msged  me

" Eri I hope you are still alive "

And then I knew that I won't be able to sleep because of this mystery so I decided to end this but then as she must have planned not to tell me another msg came

" Good night Eri and TTYL "

And can literally kill her now as I know that she just can't sleep this early .

But then I closed my eyes and promised  myself that now I won't think about the last session anymore and then a tiny little tear appeared in disapproval because last time too  I did the same promise to myself but then I wept it and decided not to repeat it and I was eagerly  waiting for the next morning for that mystery to be disclosed.