There Is So Much Going In My Mind .....

And Now He is Gone

Everything seems perfect well to be frank not exactly perfect but still amazing .

But who knew that this was the silence before a devasting thunderstorm which is going to shatter me but at the same time it made me way too mature ; which I never thought I would be ...

I woke up early so that I could revise everything for my last examination which was English.

By the afternoon everything was done and I was just loitering around the house to find something to do ; that's when I thought that may be I should set my bag for tomorrow and go through the lessons once again .

I couldn't find my pen so I had a bit worried expression on my face that's when I recieved a tap on my shoulder ; it was my brother and  as I turned he gave me a really tight hug . I was a bit confused and worried at the same time because that's not what he generally does .

So I decided to know what the matter is and my instincts tell me that it is pretty serious.

Me : Is ..is everything alright  ?

He looked into my eyes

My brother : Cmon it is going to be already My little Fighter .

He keeps on giving me names but right now I didn't care whatever he calls me but I could feel that something is definitely wrong .

Me : What is it ? Tell me ....

My brother : It is normal;  it happens to all of us nobody can escape so...

Before he could complete I cut him off

Me : What on Earth are you talking about ? I can't get anything. 

My brother : Oh you didn't know

Me : What ? And you gotta tell it now

I looked straight into his eyes only demanding for the truth .

My brother : You seemed a bit tensed when I came

Me : Yeah , as I wasn't able to find my pen . But that's not important now

He looked in another direction

My brother : He is gone ......

Me : WHO ? HOW ? WHAT ? WHEN ?

My brother : Bruny

Me : WHO ?

I thought it my Bruny but Naaa that's not possible

My brother :  Our Bruny ; our dog

Me : Don't you dare call him a dog and if this is some kind of  joke let me tell you .....
Wait a second
Who told you about this because I have met all the members of the family and nobody said a word to me.

My brother : Didn't they ?

Me : Yes , Let me see myself
I went to the place where Bruny lies but he wasn't there I checked all the places but he wasn't there then I went out but he wasn't . I was losing hope but this can't happen , he can't go like this . Without say a last Goodbye to me ....

I was trembling and shaking with fear which seemed to turn into Reality which I never wanted to face .

I knew this was coming but so soon ; he was ill but he had been recovering even though slowly but he was . I wasn't oblivious to the surroundings but was not ready to feel the way I was feeling.  I wanted to run , scream and cry a lot but I knew it wasn't worth it , but at least I wanted to see him for the last time ; to say him Goodbye ...

My eyes were filled with tears which were ready to fall at the drop of a hat .

I turned around and found my brother standing behind me . I sat down with a feeling as if I had no energy to think , walk or even say .
He sat next to me and said nothing. 
After a while I couldn't take it any more and gave my brother a hug and these stupid tears came rushing down my cheecks not ready to stop .

My brother : Hey I know it is difficult but that doesn't mean that you are going to make my shirt wet .

Me : Do you want me to sneeze in it ?

My brother : Nooo

Me : Good !  So it would be better if you Shut UP

I wanted to stop those little tiny droplets which were coming out from my eyes they only made me feel worse ; my  nose looked like a Red Tomato and my cheecks looked as if somebody has Slapped me n number of times .

My brother : Say Cheese! 

Me :  No
         Nooo
         Nooooo

I tried hard to snatch his phone but he is way too fast and tall too .
Why is he soooo annoying? 

My brother : I know Eri,  I know it is hard for you but you gotta be brave for him ; for Bruny he would never want to see you like this he wanted to make you happy and not so miserable and sad. 

Me : But......you know

My brother : I know everything Eri each and everything so instead of crying like a little girl get up and make him proud ,  don't distract yourself and work hard and focus make him happy by doing well in the examination. I know you are my little BRAVE WARRIOR who can do anything .

I can't imagine my life without my brother if he wasn't there I don't know where I would have been . He is annoying,  crazy , irritating and not so smart as I am but even a day without him seems like forever. 
I wiped out those tears and tried really hard to smile but just couldn't ...

Bruny wasn't just a dog he was my family , my cartoon whom I couldn't stop adoring .
I brought him home ; everything he had done , those little mischiefs and then acting so innocent that you have to forgive him , misplacing my socks , spoiled my shoes will forgive him for all but all I need is him .
The way he looked at me then I would come after a long days work I miss him .

But then all these emotions changed into Anger

Why did anyone not tell me about this ?

What might be the reason ? Whatever it is that's not done .

I called Mom but may be she was busy

But then I called Dad and he picked it up . The reason which he gave for not telling was that I had my examination and after you were done with your exams we had decided to tell you .

What is that even supposed to mean ? Even I should be the first one to know about him and especially something like this ,they decided to make me the last one  . That's what they always do ; they never tell me about things and most importantly the ones which matter the most but all thanks to my brother he always was on my side ..

I am no more a small girl why don't they get it , why don't understand that I am big enough to handle these things ... but I had decided that :

I won't cry though I did
I won't  get distracted though I was
I will be fine though I wasn't

But I am not little anymore. 

I am fine now though all the credit without a doubt goes to my brother but I managed to sink the words in me so some tiny part of the credit even goes to me .

I revised  everything and kept my brother's words in my mind and the real test was waiting for me tomorrow to see if I am big enough to handle my pain to keep things to myself ; to see that whether I have learnt the art to hide my pain with a big smile ....