13:3
Dear Ms. Pegacorn,
I can't tell you anything new, cause everything is new. Every day is new. My mornings, my nights. The essence of being owned by someone, whom you used to believe cannot be yours.
That feeling when I woke up in the morning, wondering if you were already awake, making or saying good morning to you became a manner to me.
When going to sleep, saying "I love you." was the best part, after that, it feels like everything will be okay.
I love the feeling when you always tell me first about what you love, before others know about it and how you secretly gave me caring messages.
Especially this new year, the first time I heard you say "I love you." to me. Everything you do/say always keeps me comfortable and loved.
I've never felt this before. I've realized that I am really in a relationship with you. Thank you so much for staying and coming into my life.
~ ~
The first letter you have given to me was also the first letter where I finally believe that there is someone who would always love to stay with me.
Stay with me.
With me.
Me.
I am that kind of girl who never wanted to be attached since the day I got fucked up with people whom I thought would stay with me until my final breath, my ex best friends.
I have trust issues. I come with some friends but I don't share with them my inner me.
As much as possible, I only want to stay with myself. To travel alone. To walk alone.
Alone.
I let you in.
I'm sorry.
Because even when I let you in, I still have the walls around me. That every time you tell me stories about your childhood and your past, I can't even tell mine because I am afraid.
That you might judge me.
Judged.
That might not want me anymore.
Unwanted.
That you might suddenly leave me.
Left.
That's why I talk less and show more.
Everything with me is less than parallel.
But since you came.
The old, rugged and hopeless torch of mine lit up.
For once in my life,
I finally become brave to speak now,
To choose what I love,
To be genuinely happy,
And that's all because of you,
My love.
"I love you. I want to be with you forever. I am so deeply fallen in love with you."
"I love you," I said.
"I love you too." Your respond.
"Three," I added.
"Four-ever." You ended.
You ended.
"I want everything to be special as I am with you. I want you to be my last, and me as your first and last."
My first and last.
From the last number.
From the count of ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, and until it becomes one.
First.
"I wished that I could fulfill all my dreams with you, and your dreams with me. I wished that can you please maybe tell me all your doubts and thoughts about anything you want to discuss. I wished that you could be more talkative in telling me your problems and anything. I wished that someday I will cook for you every morning and wake you up with the smell or fragrance of the food I cooked."
You wished.
Wished.
And I'm still wishing for it to happen.
YOU ARE READING
13:13 Ineffable
Nonfiksi"I once thought that you're the person I will never write about, but guess what? here I am writing about you. About us that was once something that turned into nothing."
