It Gets Hard Sometimes (Camren)

Chapter 10

Laurens pov

Well I guess I was wrong.
It's been a couple months since the day they all said they'd forgive each other, and although I thought it would never happen, I was proven wrong on most of that. They seemed to all be getting on just fine, with only a few awkward silences and maybe sometimes something shooting a hurtful side comment at Camila 'by mistake.'

I still refused to talk to Camila except when I had to. With the other girls, it was fine. Especially with Normani, who I got closest to again. She was probably my best friend when we were in Fifth Harmony for the first time, and now again this time round. I could tell her anything, and she wouldn't judge me.

We had already done one show of our tour, which was sold out. I knew people missed us, but I didn't know that they missed us that much. Dinah was actually brought to tears as the crowd screamed and cheered as we walked onto stage. It was... beautiful, if that's the right word to use. It was just felt so amazing and the crowd was a lot more welcoming to all of us than I thought they would be. I don't know why, but for some reason I thought they would be angry.

Maybe it's because I was angry for so long, I thought they should have been too.

"Wassup Chicàs," Dinah shouted as she walked into the bus, Camila right behind her.

"Shut up," I heard Normani about from her bunk. She was obviously trying to sleep and Dinah disturbed her by coming and making such a noise. Dinah, I think, also noticed this and walked off toward her bunk. Which left me and Camila alone. Her face turned slightly pale as she looked at me fearfully, but a small smile crept onto her lips.

Just then Ally walked in. Her hair was messy and her eyes droopy. I think she had been trying to sleep.

"You know Mila," she said, "I really think you need to tell your friend to quiet down a bit, 'cause damn that girl is loud," I laughed at her tired demenour and looked down at my book again.

"Sorry," Camila said, "but I don't think anyone can tell Dinah to quiet down, even a little bit," Ally collapsed onto the couch next to me, a small groan coming from out of her body in response to Camila.

Normani walked into the wall compartment of the bus that we were all sitting in, with a frown pastered on her face and a blanket wrapped around her body, with a smiling Dinah behind her. Normani fell down on top of Ally and for a second the just lay there, but then burst out laughing which caused the rest of us to laugh too.

"Oh what's this?" Dinah asked, picking up an envelope that lay on the floor. "Camila," she cooed, reading the name on the front of the envelope, "someone wrote you a love letter. Who even still writes letters," she laughed, and began to open the envelope. Camila's eyes widened and her whole body froze. She slowly turned around and tried to snatch the letter out of Dinah's hands.

"Give it back Dinah!" She shouted but Dinah moved out of her reach. Camila jumped and tried to reach it and Dinah again, put her hand on Camilas head, preventing her from getting the letter. "Dinah!" She shouted.

"Dear Camila," she read in a teasing voice, "Writing this letter has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do," Normani and Ally laughed along with Dinah, but this time it was my turn for my eyes to widen. As fast as I could, I jumped onto the sofa and snatched the paper from Dinahs hands.

"Leave it alone guys," I said, "it's Camila's, not yours." I jumped off the sofa and shoved the letter into Camila's hands then walked off the bus, slamming the door behind me. What the hell was she doing with that? Why did she have it with her? I heard a door open and close behind me and I already knew who it was before she even spoke.

"Lauren?" Camila spoke quietly.

"What the hell Camila?" I said softly but fiercly, anger boiling from every inch of my body. "You don't talk to me or reply to me but then you have the fucking decency to have that letter with you?"

"I'm sorry," she said, her lips trembling. She was beginning to cry, butni didn't care. Everything that I was upset with her about just started coming out.

"I poured my fucking heart out in that letter Camila! I sat for weeks just staring at a blank piece of paper because I didn't know what to say and then once I did, and once I gave it to you, you never replied to me. You never said anything about what I said to you. And it fucking broke me! It broke me, Camila. Okay? I was depressed enough after you left, and that killed me more," she stared at me, her lips trembling, tears running down her face, but I didn't care. "I wanna know why. Why, Camila? Why didn't you ever speak to me again? Why the hell di-"

"Because I wasn't drunk!" She shouted. I froze and it seemed as if all the anger that was inside  me quickly washed away.

"What?" Camila looked at the ground then back at me again. Her eyes pleading.

"I wasn't drunk that night," she said slowly, trying to find her words. "I thought that you were drunk. I thought you wouldn't remember it and that it was just a drunken mistake. I wasn't drunk, I'd only had one small drink. I was aware of what was happening."

"So you knew that we kissed?" She nodded.

"I was scared Lauren. I- I-" she swallowed, "I know I should have messaged you, and I wanted to, I really did. I stared at your name on my phone screen for days... weeks. I wanted to message you, I was just too scared." I stayed silent as I tried to connect everything in my head. This was a lot to take in and I didn't know how to process it all in one thought. I began to walk towards the bus, not saying anything. "Lauren," Camila pleaded. I held up my hand to her.

"I just..." I shook my head and pushed passed her, walking into the bus, leaving her standing behind me.

"Where's Camila?" Dinah asked as she was me.

"Outside," I said distractidely. From the corner of my eyes, I could see them all look at each other confused. I decided to ignore them and just go lie in my bed.

She wasn't drunk when we kissed and neither was I. We were both fully aware of what was going on that night and just decided that we couldn't talk about it. I wanna be angry at Camila for thinking that it was just a drunken mistake that I made, but I thought the same about her so I couldn't be.

If she knew what was going on and knew that she was kissing me, does that mean that she wanted to kiss me? Does it mean that maybe she liked me to too? I mean, I had a crush on Camila Cabello for a very long time, I just didn't realize it. Once I did realize it though, I never expected her to actually like me back.

"Hey," Normani appeared at the side of my bed, "Are you okay?" I turned around so that my back was facing her.

"I'm fine. I just wanna be left alone, please," I said. It took a while but eventually I heard her walk off.

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Dinah pov

"Mila?" Dinah said slowly as she exited the bus. She osed the door and saw Camila standing with her back facing hers. Her shoulders were shaking and she could hear her sobbing silently. "Mila?" She said again. The smaller girl sniffed and tried to stop crying for her friend, but it didn't work. It only made her cry harder.

Dinah got to her friend and pulled her in, letting Camila cry into her shoulder. She rubbed her back and stoked her hair.

"Its okay, Mila, it's okay," she whispered. Slowly, Dinah started to think. Her mind began to put all the pieces together from over all the years that she's known Camila and Lauren and all their problems and how Camila used to act about Lauren. She opened her mouth as she came to a realization.

Dinah slowly pulled away from her crying friend and said, "Mila?" Camila looked at her with red eyes. "You loved her, didn't you?" Camila's eyes grew bigger and sadder at the same time, but she nodded.

"Yeah," she sobbed and Dinah pulled her in again, hugging her tightly and stroking her hair.

"Shhhh," she whispered into her ear, "It's okay."

"No," Camila sniffed, rubbing her nose, "Its not. Not anymore."