It Gets Hard Sometimes (Camren)

Chapter 13

Camila's pov

I am exhausted. Last night, after Lauren's little 'visit,' I finally fell asleep at God knows what time only to be woken up to what felt like minutes later.

Dinah walked into my room and had to call my name five times and then shake me too so that I would wake up.

“Geez Chanch, I thought I was hard to wake up,” she said. “What time did you sleep last night?”

“Oh, um… I don’t know…” I said honestly. “Late?

“Yeah, well it looks like it,” she said, obviously referring to my appearance. I smiled at her, chuckling a bit. “you look like a zombie Mila, and that’s putting it lightly,” Dinah said again, smiling along with me. “Well I came to call you for breakfast. We’re all waiting for you downstairs.”

“You’re all waiting for me?” I shouted. Dinah laughed at my reaction, then walked to the door and opened it, bowing in my direction.

“Your highness,” she said. I rolled my eyes as I stood up from my bed, walking to the door, Dinah still in the same position. I slapped her arm as I walked passed, which caused her to laugh out loudly, closing the door behind her.

Because we were on one of the highest floors, we had to still go all the way down to the dining lounge. Usually, I would have quickly gotten changed into actual clothes, but I saw Dinah was also still in her pyjamas, and besides, there was way too much on my mind than to worry about changing into other clothes.

Was last night even real?

Did Lauren actually kiss me?

It doesn’t feel real, it doesn’t feel like she just kissed me last night. But… I can still feel her lips on mine. But the fact that she did kiss me, doesn’t make anything any easier. In fact, it just adds more questions to the equation.  Why? Why now? Why after all these years? Why…
 
“Oh, look who finally showed up!” Ally exclaimed, clapping as I walked in. Normani laughed and clapped along with her.

“Damn Mila, you look like a zombie,” Mani said, still giggling.

“So I’ve been told,” I smiled, walking to my seat next to Dinah. That’s when I met her eyes. Her beautiful emerald eyes were staring right at me. She didn’t smile, she just looked at me. She was scared though, I could see that much.

Eventually we both looked away. My mind was going in a hundred different directions and I didn’t know what to think. I just kept replying last night in my head. How could this have happened? Why did she kiss me? Does she still have feelings for me? Even after what I did to her?

...do I still have feelings for her?

No... I can't... She made me feel like I didn't exist. She made me feel like nothing even though my heart still belonged to her. But maybe she did the same thing I did as the years went by... Maybe from the beginning, it all hurt her too much, so she tried to block me out. Maybe she tried to block everything about me out because it hurt. God knows thats what I did.

After a few months, maybe years I don't know, I blocked them out. I was angry, and hurt, and just sad. So I pushed all of them out of my head and tried to focus on myself. Little did I know that part of myself was them though. They had become part of me and they would never leave. They're never going to leave.

I don't want them to leave.

"So girls, today you can do whatever you want. We're giving you the day off, so you better use it wisely," Jeff walked to us saying, pointedly saying the last part to Dinah, who scrunched her eyebrows together with her mouth full of bacon.